Would You Be Content With Being Single?

[Duwop]

i know i'm bless

I was raised an only child as well and I still like to be to myself and I'm mad quiet. Still that longing to have a companion as you get up in age will come. Every single person I know wants to have what you and your wifey have maybe not at the moment but they all want to settle down at some point. All my niggas who have mad chicks always tell me they would drop 20 bad bitches to have one good woman to ride out with.



@Dupacalypse you already know my situation so I can speak from experience on this. Having that person to hold you down on the long run is addictive.

True, I'm definitely blessed, and I'm well aware of it. I just couldn't picture giving this much of me to anyone else..it wouldn't seem right

 

[Race Jones]

Figured that. The older i get the more i believe public schooling is the worst thing that could have happened to us....

Im not saying education is bad, but the social aspect of it is terrible....

Can you explain this to me please?

 

[Chi-Town B]

not on a intimate level

interaction is all u need..... i don't have to share my bed...

now it is fucking awesome and i wouldn't give it up if i didn't have to.... but before her there was essentially nobody... and the bar is set pretty fuckign high now.....

i don't think i could ever like let alone love anyone else in the world to allow them this close again.....


this is a one and done type deal....if it doesn't work out, i'm done.....

This how I feel, I put too much into this relationship where if I got divorced I don't think I can start on the ground floor and build with someone else

 

[Golden]

i think this is where the disconnect is for me

i never equated being single as being alone, but i guess the traditional definition that unless you are married, you are single

If you're in a relationship/romantic partnership of some sort, you're not single.

Not being in a relationship doesn't mean you're alone either though. People who associate being romantically or sexually on your with loneliness makes me wonder whether they have much interaction with social connections other than their SOs. I read something about people in the modern age not spending much time with friends or socializing, it might be that a lot of people get most of their social/affection-fix from their romantic partners and thus feel a bigger void when without that. On the other hand, with diversified bonds, perhaps there's less stock in it? Idk. Brainstorming over here.

 

[Judge Dread]

You can be lonely and not alone.

 

[JUDAH]

Can you explain this to me please?

Just made a thread

 

[Judge Dread]

If you're in a relationship/romantic partnership of some sort, you're not single.

Not being in a relationship doesn't mean you're alone either though. People who associate being romantically or sexually on your with loneliness makes me wonder whether they have much interaction with social connections other than their SOs. I read something about people in the modern age not spending much time with friends or socializing, it might be that a lot of people get most of their social/affection-fix from their romantic partners and thus feel a bigger void when without that. On the other hand, with diversified bonds, perhaps there's less stock in it? Idk. Brainstorming over here.

Do you think some people lack physical social settings. Right now we are being social without any of us being together. So it is easier for people today to have friends that they never see. I am not sure how you get your affection fix through the internet? But that just might be me.

 

[Golden]

Do you think some people lack physical social settings. Right now we are being social without any of us being together. So it is easier for people today to have friends that they never see. I am not sure how you get your affection fix through the internet? But that just might be me.

I hate referencing research without directing u to the source but this was yrs ago, I recall it indicating that ppl spend less time socializing than they did just a few decades ago. I don't remember anything about a distinction between online socializing and offline socializing but, and this is just my guess, most people aren't members of forums or developing long term friendships like we are with people they haven't met. Even on social media, most people are facebooking people they already know and perhaps using the long distance keeping in touch to postpone (and by extension, never get around to?) hanging out in person.

What I'm getting at is, if people are socializing with friends and family and other such connections less often, they're getting less love, companionship and support from varied directions. On the other hand, in a typical relationship, people spend a lot of time together. Perhaps even the most time. People today are still getting into relationships, marriages and situationships. So it could be that while they're less in the presence of most loved ones, they get used to all or most of their love/affection/companionship coming in the form of romantic love. Therefore, romantic love is perceived as the sole provider of companionship in the public conscience.

Just an idea though.

 

[Race Jones]

I think there is something to be said here.
If you have low self-esteem, you should not be trying to enter into a relationship.
POINT. BLANK. PERIOD.
as @BNE said, doing your Innerwork is so important.
Often we get into situations with people and expect them to fix us.
Expect them to love away our shortcomings and misfortunes and that's just not that case.
Its also very unfair to the other person.

Nobody is perfect, we all have our flaws but there is a thin line between love and emotional manipulation.
Being in a relationship with an insecure partner can really affect your health and self-esteem.

My mother is a brilliant, bright, beautiful woman.
When she got with my dad she lost so much of herself, she grew cold because my father had so many emotional insecurities that he brought her down. He changed her life.
I saw a man destroy a woman's world because he didn't do his innerwork.
I saw a woman participating in the destruction of her life because she spent so much time trying to "fix" someone else.

I've made excuses for a lot of men...
"he has daddy issues"
"he was hurt so many times in the past"
"the last woman in his life did him greasy so this is why he doesn't trust me"
and it was emotionally draining. I started losing myself trying to "fix" my partner.
Trying to show them what real love looks like and feels like.
I don't have that type of time anymore.
I'm 27 now and I don't have time to make excuses for other peoples inadequacies.
SHIT IS SHIT.

Also how can you love someone else if you don't love yourself?
How you want me to love you and you dont even love you?
How you want me to be cool with you and youre not even cool with you?


Look, stop running from yourself and clean up your mess.
Handle your fucking business!!!
Because I'm not going to do it for you.

 

[AP2.5]

I think there is something to be said here.
If you have low self-esteem, you should not be trying to enter into a relationship.
POINT. BLANK. PERIOD.
as @BNE said, doing your Innerwork is so important.
Often we get into situations with people and expect them to fix us.
Expect them to love away our shortcomings and misfortunes and that's just not that case.
Its also very unfair to the other person.

Nobody is perfect, we all have our flaws but there is a thin line between love and emotional manipulation.
Being in a relationship with an insecure partner can really affect your health and self-esteem.

My mother is a brilliant, bright, beautiful woman.
When she got with my dad she lost so much of herself, she grew cold because my father had so many emotional insecurities that he brought her down. He changed her life.
I saw a man destroy a woman's world because he didn't do his innerwork.
I saw a woman participating in the destruction of her life because she spent so much time trying to "fix" someone else.

I've made excuses for a lot of men...
"he has daddy issues"
"he was hurt so many times in the past"
"the last woman in his life did him greasy so this is why he doesn't trust me"
and it was emotionally draining. I started losing myself trying to "fix" my partner.
Trying to show them what real love looks like and feels like.
I don't have that type of time anymore.
I'm 27 now and I don't have time to make excuses for other peoples inadequacies.
SHIT IS SHIT.

Also how can you love someone else if you don't love yourself?
How you want me to love you and you dont even love you?
How you want me to be cool with you and youre not even cool with you?


Look, stop running from yourself and clean up your mess.
Handle your fucking business!!!
Because I'm not going to do it for you.

this shit right here tho!!! awww man...GREAT great great post

 

[MissK]

My mother is a brilliant, bright, beautiful woman.
When she got with my dad she lost so much of herself, she grew cold because my father had so many emotional insecurities that he brought her down. He changed her life.
I saw a man destroy a woman's world because he didn't do his innerwork.
I saw a woman participating in the destruction of her life because she spent so much time trying to "fix" someone else.

This right here I can totally relate.
People ask me why I divorced after so many years of marriage like it was just unthinkable but I lost myself in it. I was just existing and that is not living. There was so much change on both sides which wasn't bad but the changes divided more so than brought us together. Our outlooks were very similar in the beginning and then well life happens I guess. It really made me question if til death do us part has become antiquated.

I am also pretty introverted. It takes a lot out of me to be social and if I am I need time away to recover. I don't mind being alone anymore, I enjoy it. I probably would stay 'single' but the one thing that does scare me in this is what has been touched on by Cain I think. How will it be when I am in later stages of life. I won't be as able bodied. Even now if I am sick or have trouble it is daunting to know that I don't have a partner to help me. Sure, I have friends/family but idk it is not the same as a more intimate connection.

 

[Golden]

@MissK that's a very good point about vulnerability at an advanced age. I'm confused by how a romantic partner wld be more useful than family tho. if you settle down with someone in the same age range, wouldn't they likely be in the same position as far as diminishing physical ability and potentially in an even worse one? This is a downer but men also have lower life expectancies :(

 

[Lou Cypher]

Ive been single for like 10 years.

 

[Race Jones]

My mother is a brilliant, bright, beautiful woman.
When she got with my dad she lost so much of herself, she grew cold because my father had so many emotional insecurities that he brought her down. He changed her life.
I saw a man destroy a woman's world because he didn't do his innerwork.
I saw a woman participating in the destruction of her life because she spent so much time trying to "fix" someone else.

This right here I can totally relate.
People ask me why I divorced after so many years of marriage like it was just unthinkable but I lost myself in it. I was just existing and that is not living. There was so much change on both sides which wasn't bad but the changes divided more so than brought us together. Our outlooks were very similar in the beginning and then well life happens I guess. It really made me question if til death do us part has become antiquated.

I am also pretty introverted. It takes a lot out of me to be social and if I am I need time away to recover. I don't mind being alone anymore, I enjoy it. I probably would stay 'single' but the one thing that does scare me in this is what has been touched on by Cain I think. How will it be when I am in later stages of life. I won't be as able bodied. Even now if I am sick or have trouble it is daunting to know that I don't have a partner to help me. Sure, I have friends/family but idk it is not the same as a more intimate connection.

Thank you for sharing this love.
Great post and you summed up a lot of my thoughts as well.

 

[Race Jones]

@MissK that's a very good point about vulnerability at an advanced age. I'm confused by how a romantic partner wld be more useful than family tho. if you settle down with someone in the same age range, wouldn't they likely be in the same position as far as diminishing physical ability and potentially in an even worse one? This is a downer but men also have lower life expectancies :(

Ooooo good perspective.
hmmmm

 

[Race Jones]

Ive been single for like 10 years.

Is this voluntary or involuntary?

 

[MissK]

@MissK that's a very good point about vulnerability at an advanced age. I'm confused by how a romantic partner wld be more useful than family tho. if you settle down with someone in the same age range, wouldn't they likely be in the same position as far as diminishing physical ability and potentially in an even worse one? This is a downer but men also have lower life expectancies :(

True but in my case my family is very small-2 siblings and my dad who is in his 70s for the most part. I am close in age to my siblings so their abilities will be diminished as well added to the fact that they have their own children and families. I am not sure they are more capable. All my friends are also in my age range so again just like with a companion are they able to help? I think a romantic partner would be living with me so could be there even if just to call 911 whereas family/friends could and are farther away

Thank you @Race Jones !!!!

 

[Golden]

True but in my case my family is very small-2 siblings and my dad who is in his 70s for the most part. I am close in age to my siblings so their abilities will be diminished as well added to the fact that they have their own children and families. I am not sure they are more capable. All my friends are also in my age range so again just like with a companion are they able to help? I think a romantic partner would be living with me so could be there even if just to call 911 whereas family/friends could and are farther away

Thank you @Race Jones !!!!

My bad, when I said family I was thinking more younger generation like kids (if one decides to have them). Very good point tho, even having someone to call 911 or know if somethings happened is help

 

[Judge Dread]

It seems like people are only concerned with having someone to take care of them when they are old.(jokes but truth in joke) there is so much more to life and companionship than that. Also, if you love someone then their physical changes should be more accepted and even some of their personality changes. I am not saying that if you are not happy with the relationship you should automatically stay or anything like that. But if you are in a relationship marriage or otherwise make sure that you don't end a good one for bad reasons. @Race Jones I hope you were joking about some of the ones you listed.

 

[Race Jones]

It seems like people are only concerned with having someone to take care of them when they are old.(jokes but truth in joke) there is so much more to life and companionship than that. Also, if you love someone then their physical changes should be more accepted and even some of their personality changes. I am not saying that if you are not happy with the relationship you should automatically stay or anything like that. But if you are in a relationship marriage or otherwise make sure that you don't end a good one for bad reasons. @Race Jones I hope you were joking about some of the ones you listed.

I don't want my man rocking a fedora lurker.
Is that too much to ask?