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Women Who Refuse To Take The Man's Last Name After Marriage

I think it was a big compromise on her part. Hell he had to ask her several times to marry him before she even said yes. And when she did she took total control of the situation even go so far as to surprise him with the actual ceremony. I think the name thing was more for their child though
 
MissK said:
I think it was a big compromise on her part. Hell he had to ask her several times to marry him before she even said yes. And when she did she took total control of the situation even go so far as to surprise him with the actual ceremony. I think the name thing was more for their child though
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r they happy with the arrangement? sounds like a loving couple
 
BNE said:
r they happy with the arrangement? sounds like a loving couple
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Very happy (or so it seems) She needs someone less dominant and him vice versa so it works out. He seems a little too passive for me though, I worry he might explode on her one day lol
 
What is the purpose of women not taking the man's last name? What does that accomplish in this day and age?
 
This topic is highly culture dependent.

However I have to say many men, no matter which culture, come across very entitled when it comes to this name thing. And that's all I am going to say.

:idkb3:
 
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TheMasterKey said:
What is the purpose of women not taking the man's last name? What does that accomplish in this day and age?
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not taking a man's name isn't an action in itself. taking a man's name would be the action. u just see not taking it as some radical thing intended to accomplish something because it's outside of the norm you're oh so comfortable with.

could be any multitide of reasons. maybe there happy with it as it is? maybe they see no reason to change their name? maybe it goes against their religious beliefs? maybe it contradicts their principles? could be anything. its individual. we need more women who didn't/wldn't take their man's name to get a better idea of what the main reasons r.

treating it like a transgression or slight that needs to be explained or justified like a crime on trial just goes to show how wedded to tradition u (n western society in general) r @TheMasterKey.
 
All I'm saying is you better have a spectacular ass reason...
 
its funny the threads i get @'d to vs the ones i dont

im on page 1 as of this post, and if someone has said this already, then you only have yourselves to blame for not @'ing me,

but my thought is, at first, i used to think having the woman take your last name was some sort of badge of honor. Used to put too much stock into "carrying on the last name " and all that dumb shit. I mean, none of our last names are really ours anyway, but thats another discussion for another day

but the mexican community got it right, give your kids both of your last names. It took two of ya'll to make the kids, and they should know about both sides of the family equally.
 
BlackAndWhite said:
its funny the threads i get @'d to vs the ones i dont

im on page 1 as of this post, and if someone has said this already, then you only have yourselves to blame for not @'ing me,

but my thought is, at first, i used to think having the woman take your last name was some sort of badge of honor. Used to put too much stock into "carrying on the last name " and all that dumb shit. I mean, none of our last names are really ours anyway, but thats another discussion for another day

but the mexican community got it right, give your kids both of your last names. It took two of ya'll to make the kids, and they should know about both sides of the family equally.
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lol I was actually not sure if u had already contributed or not. was @ing women myself.

interesting view. @EleanorDeWitt brought it up but ur the first to come in holding it.

some say that the con of hyphenation is that its a 1 generation fix. what do u suggest to hyphenated ppl marrying other hyphenated ppl? whos names get dropped or sandwiched in between?
 
Personal opinion post: I find it disrespectful to your man, the one you claim to give your all, to not take his name. It was never a thought not to for me. I did play with the idea of changing my middle name to my maiden name at one point but always planned to have his.

I also would find it disrespectful for him to want me to change it back if we got a divorce. 1reason; We got kids and I don't plan on them or anyone being confused. Plus I said til death do us part; we might physically part way but death will have to part this here name sir.
 
LadyDu said:
Personal opinion post: I find it disrespectful to your man, the one you claim to give your all, to not take his name. It was never a thought not to for me. I did play with the idea of changing my middle name to my maiden name at one point but always planned to have his.

I also would find it disrespectful for him to want me to change it back if we got a divorce. 1reason; We got kids and I don't plan on them or anyone being confused. Plus I said til death do us part; we might physically part way but death will have to part this here name sir.
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If u didnt have kids, wld u still be offended if u got divorced n he wanted u to change ur name back? wld u feel any way if for example, u divorced n he remarried (giving new wife his name) n he now had 2 women with his name? all the while, as a man his name hasnt changed since birth?*

Not u n Du specifically. lawd forbid. we are all invested in ur marriage! lol*
 
BNE said:
The wack was purely for the phrasing lol @TheMasterKey

y? u said earlier in the thread that u wld not get married unless she's prepared to take ur name.

what does it matter what miscellaneous other women ur not married to do?
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it matters not to me,

was just adding on to the argument,...i honestly forgot what i typed in this thread before,

but i'm sure it was exactly along the lines of what you said i said......

i just added on....i guess for it to even be a consideration or discussion point it would have to be a spectacular reason..something that was discussed well before hand so that if i did agree, i did so well before we actually started planning the actual wedding
 
Dupacalypse said:
it matters not to me,

was just adding on to the argument,...i honestly forgot what i typed in this thread before,

but i'm sure it was exactly along the lines of what you said i said......

i just added on....i guess for it to even be a consideration or discussion point it would have to be a spectacular reason..something that was discussed well before hand so that if i did agree, i did so well before we actually started planning the actual wedding
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i swear u n ur wife r of 1 mind. its like the same person is writing when it comes 2 big stuff
 
BNE said:
not taking a man's name isn't an action in itself. taking a man's name would be the action. u just see not taking it as some radical thing intended to accomplish something because it's outside of the norm you're oh so comfortable with.

could be any multitide of reasons. maybe there happy with it as it is? maybe they see no reason to change their name? maybe it goes against their religious beliefs? maybe it contradicts their principles? could be anything. its individual. we need more women who didn't/wldn't take their man's name to get a better idea of what the main reasons r.

treating it like a transgression or slight that needs to be explained or justified like a crime on trial just goes to show how wedded to tradition u (n western society in general) r @TheMasterKey.
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When did I vilify you? I simply asked you a question.


People have turned this whole thing into it being about women's equality, when that has nothing to do with why it was set up like this.


For example.


You get married to a guy and decide to keep your last name. Yall have a son who takes his wife's last name, that family name is now gone. 3 generations down the line damn near all family names will be irrelevant. Family names used to mean something "we're the smiths, take pride in that" . It was set up like this to keep some type of structure and order so that family names and lineage can live on through history, it has nothing to do with shitting on women or telling them that their name means nothing and your husband owns you , etc. That's what people have turned it into.
 
ya'll care way too much about this legacy non sense

if you teach your kids values and morals, and show them their self worth, they will accomplish more in life vs some last name

also, not to mention a lot of last names are looked at so highly b/c of some presumed prestige that comes with them

Bill Gates kids arent going to do anything remotely close to outdoing their father. Hell, Jackie Chan said he not leaving one single dime of his money to his son upon his death. Said his son is going to have to work like he did. He gon give his money to charity instead.
 
BNE said:
If u didnt have kids, wld u still be offended if u got divorced n he wanted u to change ur name back? wld u feel any way if for example, u divorced n he remarried (giving new wife his name) n he now had 2 women with his name? all the while, as a man his name hasnt changed since birth?*

Not u n Du specifically. lawd forbid. we are all invested in ur marriage! lol*
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lol at the small print someone is not gonna read that lol...

Yes I'd be offended for two reasons one he wants me to abandon my promise and two the fact that I would be that replaceable. Look When I married him I told God and the world he was the ONE for me which means there will be no other. Would I date sure would I fall in love again I don't know that but I know if this marriage didn't work out, he cheated I cheated or he died, there would not be another husband that's just me. Any dude I date after would have to accept that part of me or kick rocks and I just be a lonely old bitty; I'm sure du would still let me get the d every once in a while if he not dead.
 
TheMasterKey said:
When did I vilify you? I simply asked you a question.


People have turned this whole thing into it being about women's equality, when that has nothing to do with why it was set up like this.


For example.


You get married to a guy and decide to keep your last name. Yall have a son who takes his wife's last name, that family name is now gone. 3 generations down the line damn near all family names will be irrelevant. Family names used to mean something "we're the smiths, take pride in that" . It was set up like this to keep some type of structure and order so that family names and lineage can live on through history, it has nothing to do with shitting on women or telling them that their name means nothing and your husband owns you , etc. That's what people have turned it into.
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when did I say u vilified me?

i have no problem being the only 1 that holds the view (so far, as far as thread participants), but i am telling the truth when i say u r not really getting the opportunity to ask that. the population ur tryna direct the question to isn't even here. so u saying ppl have turned it into xyz is BS unless u have had the opportunity to give them the chance to speak their point of view.

n ur scenario is super, super faulty.

firstly, the same cld be said if a family have all daughters n give their daughters the father's name. n those daughters go on to marry men and take those men's names. does that mean the act of having daughters makes last names meaningless?

secondly, lets say we're in an alternate world where instead of names being passed down thru the fathers line, they're passed down thru the mothers line. how would the world be any different than it currently is? it's the same damn thing, just flipped. the same thing of name-line erasure happens when families have all daughters under the current system.

n ur conflating 2 different issues. a woman not changing her name on marriage has no link to what name they choose to give their child.

Take Holland for example. Women keep their own names when they get married, but kids always get their fathers name. That's the norm there.

make a separate thread for naming children cuz taking a spouse's name or not taking a spouse's name can be a dilemma with couples who never even plan on having kids. 2 separate (if related) issues.
 
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