Women Who Refuse To Take The Man's Last Name After Marriage

[LadyDu]

:idkb3:

It can be sexy sex if you prefer lol

 

[AP2.5]

Du and LadyDu last name gon be the "hallmarks" from now on

 

[Goldie]

when did I say u vilified me?

i have no problem being the only 1 that holds the view (so far, as far as thread participants), but i am telling the truth when i say u r not really getting the opportunity to ask that. the population ur tryna direct the question to isn't even here. so u saying ppl have turned it into xyz is BS unless u have had the opportunity to give them the chance to speak their point of view.

n ur scenario is super, super faulty.

firstly, the same cld be said if a family have all daughters n give their daughters the father's name. n those daughters go on to marry men and take those men's names. does that mean the act of having daughters makes last names meaningless?

secondly, lets say we're in an alternate world where instead of names being passed down thru the fathers line, they're passed down thru the mothers line. how would the world be any different than it currently is? it's the same damn thing, just flipped. the same thing of name-line erasure happens when families have all daughters under the current system.

n ur conflating 2 different issues. a woman not changing her name on marriage has no link to what name they choose to give their child.

Take Holland for example. Women keep their own names when they get married, but kids always get their fathers name. That's the norm there.

make a separate thread for naming children cuz taking a spouse's name or not taking a spouse's name can be a dilemma with couples who never even plan on having kids. 2 separate (if related) issues.

I've read multiple articles with women giving reasons on why they wanted to keep their last name, that's the population I was speaking to and plus those things were said in this thread.


That's why having a son to carry on the name was so important (atleast it used to be) because that's the way it was set up for order, if you happened to have all daughters then you were out of luck. They could've easily chose for it to be the other way around and have the name live on through the women, but they didn't. We ride on the right side of the rode, we could've chose the left side, doesn't matter as long as there's order.

You can continue to make up all these wild ass scenarios all you want, I'm just telling you why it's set up the way it is and it has nothing to do with women's rights and equality.

 

[Golden]

I've read multiple articles with women giving reasons on why they wanted to keep their last name, that's the population I was speaking to and plus those things were said in this thread.


That's why having a son to carry on the name was so important (atleast it used to be) because that's the way it was set up for order, if you happened to have all daughters then you were out of luck. They could've easily chose for it to be the other way around and have the name live on through the women, but they didn't. We ride on the right side of the rode, we could've chose the left side, doesn't matter as long as there's order.

You can continue to make up all these wild ass scenarios all you want, I'm just telling you why it's set up the way it is and it has nothing to do with women's rights and equality.

wow, so the tradition of taking the mans name in marriage and the passing down of names through the father's side is purely a coincidence? by chance? has nothing to do with gendered power dynamics in recent human history? Seriously? u r too smart to be so willfully n selectively ignorant. ur bolded statements r wrong according to damn near every historian, human geographer n social scientist out there.

 

[Black 🖤]

I don't wanna make this story too long, but I want my past's thought process to make sense.

In the past, I've said if I get married, my husband will either take my last name, or we will both hyphenate our last names. This is only bc I wanted to be the dominant one and felt like that would give control or some sort of imaginary strong woman power.

Most of the women in my family are dominant, so I considered that to be something on the checklist of dominance. By any means, I rejected the thought of being submissive and have always challenged a man's purpose in a woman's life. I've even told a few that they could be my househusband.

So I used to think that being submissive means that you are a weak, powerless slave that will lose your voice as an individual. I wanted to be the opposite of that so ofc I sought to reverse roles or either have the upperhand in a marriage. This is also related to trust issues. In hindsight, I didn't wanna play the "traditonal wife" role and end up looking idiotic if he ever cheated in the marriage or dogged me out. So yea, I was like the guy I marry will taking my last name and he'd be doing "wifey duties".

This was the old me. The new me doesn't think like this 100% anymore. I would most def take my man's last name and proudly.

 

[Golden]

I don't wanna make this story too long, but I want my past's thought process to make sense.

In the past, I've said if I get married, my husband will either take my last name, or we will bith hyphenate our last names. This is only bc I wanted to be the dominant one and felt like that would give control or some sort of imaginary strong woman power.

Most of the women in my family are dominant, so I considered that to be something on the checklist of dominance. By any means, I rejected the thought of being submissive and have always challenged a man's purpose in a woman's life. I've even told a few that they could be my househusband.

So I used to think that being submissive means that you are a weak, powerless slave that will lose your voice as an individual. I wanted to be the opposite of that so ofc I sought to reverse roles or either have the upperhand in a marriage. This is also related to trust issues. In hindsight, I didn't wanna play the "traditonal wife" role and end up looking idiotic if he ever cheated in the marriage or dogged me out. So yea, I was like the guy I marry will taking my last name and doing "wifey duties".

This was the old me. The new me doesn't think like this 100% anymore. I would most def take my man's last name and proudly.

I wish this post was even longer. It's great.

Can i ask what led to u changing? n can u elaborate on the reasoning behind ur current stance?

 

[Black 🖤]

I also have 2 brothers to continue to carry my mom's maiden name. If there wasn't a male bloodline, I would consider hyphenating my last name. That would be one of the few exceptions.

 

[Black 🖤]

I wish this post was even longer. It's great.

Can i ask what led to u changing? n can u elaborate on the reasoning behind ur current stance?

I wanted to elaborate, but Im mobile lol. I get confused and it seems like my thoughts are jumbled and feels like im typing too much. I will continue later when I get on my laptop loll.

 

[Goldie]

wow, so the tradition of taking the mans name in marriage and the passing down of names through the father's side is purely a coincidence? by chance? has nothing to do with gendered power dynamics in recent human history? Seriously? u r too smart to be so willfully n selectively ignorant. ur bolded statements r wrong according to damn near every historian, human geographer n social scientist out there.

I hate when people say shit like this as if it's facts. Prove to me how my statement was wrong according to every scientist.

 

[Chi-Town B]

I don't wanna make this story too long, but I want my past's thought process to make sense.

In the past, I've said if I get married, my husband will either take my last name, or we will bith hyphenate our last names. This is only bc I wanted to be the dominant one and felt like that would give control or some sort of imaginary strong woman power.

Most of the women in my family are dominant, so I considered that to be something on the checklist of dominance. By any means, I rejected the thought of being submissive and have always challenged a man's purpose in a woman's life. I've even told a few that they could be my househusband.

So I used to think that being submissive means that you are a weak, powerless slave that will lose your voice as an individual. I wanted to be the opposite of that so ofc I sought to reverse roles or either have the upperhand in a marriage. This is also related to trust issues. In hindsight, I didn't wanna play the "traditonal wife" role and end up looking idiotic if he ever cheated in the marriage or dogged me out. So yea, I was like the guy I marry will taking my last name and doing "wifey duties".

This was the old me. The new me doesn't think like this 100% anymore. I would most def take my man's last name and proudly.

This is interesting because most women look down on a submissive male but it's what you would have wanted

 

[Golden]

Interestingly, in like half the world a woman taking a man's name after marriage isn't customary. From Nordic European countries like Holland to the Middle East, women keep their names and that's the norm. In the Muslim world, it's actually a sin for a woman to change her name from her maiden name to her husband's.

Last names themselves aren't even all that old.

Yet u got niggas in here talking about naming practices changing *on an individual scale* like it's gonna overturn society as we know it and reinvent the meaning of last names. Hilarious.

I hate when people say shit like this as if it's facts. Prove to me how my statement was wrong according to every scientist.

I'll pull up one example.

Relatively recently, in its 1979 "Convention on the Elimination of Discrimination Against Women," or CEDAW, the UN officially adopted a provision, item (g) of CEDAW's Article 16, to the effect that women and men, and specifically wife and husband, shall have the same rights to choose a "family name", as well as a "profession" and an "occupation".[6] These three rights are just part of the document's long list of women's rights or gender equality rights which women need to have, the same as men need them. The United States has not yet ratified this UN Convention, or multilateral treaty, according to the CEDAW article.

Thus, in non-discriminating States, women may eventually gain the same right to their own matriname as men have traditionally had (within father-line cultures) to their own patriname. And similarly, within mother-line or matrilineal cultures, men may gain the right to their own patriname. In other words, the handing down of both matrinames and patrinames would co-exist within each culture in order to avoid discriminating against either women or men. (Note that some cultures have no surnames – but if a culture has surnames then in this regard a non-discriminating culture would be a both-lines [mother-line and father-line] or ambilineal culture.)

There are enough gender equality factors behind naming practices and patrilineality that the United Nations Convention on the Elimination of Discrimination Against Women addressed the matter.

U still gonna rewrite history to suit ur perspective tho.

 

[Black 🖤]

This is interesting because most women look down on a submissive male but it's what you would have wanted

It was all about power and observing adult relationships growing up. All my uncles seemed to be cheaters and their wives were submissive. From my pov, that wasnt something I wanted to be so Im like nahhhhh, that life aint for me. Ima make somebody my wife lol.

 

[Goldie]

Interestingly, in like half the world a woman taking a man's name after marriage isn't customary. From Nordic European countries like Holland to the Middle East, women keep their names and that's the norm. In the Muslim world, it's actually a sin for a woman to change her name from her maiden name to her husband's.

Last names themselves aren't even all that old.

Yet u got niggas in here talking about naming practices changing *on an individual scale* like it's gonna overturn society as we know it and reinvent the meaning of last names. Hilarious.

I'll pull up one example.

There are enough gender equality factors behind naming practices and patrilineality that the United Nations Convention on the Elimination of Discrimination Against Women addressed the matter.

U still gonna rewrite history to suit ur perspective tho.

You bring up muslim women and it's a sin to change their last name, but who's last name are they keeping................... Their fathers. Same fucking thing I'm saying, they're keeping their father's surname alive through history.

 

[Golden]

You bring up muslim women and it's a sin to change their last name, but who's last name are they keeping................... Their fathers. Same fucking thing I'm saying, they're keeping their father's surname alive through history.

tf. idk how many ways this can be explained.

r the 2 matters related, yes. they r separate discussions tho.

there r couples who get married n dont even plan on having kids.

there r women who believe in give their kids the fathers name regardless of whether they were EVER married to them.

giving kids the name of their father is one discussion

a woman taking her husband's name is another discussion.

u keep conflating the 2 like they're one in the same n its dumb as hell. they are related but separate issues n if u keep deflecting from the discussion of 1 by using the other, ur not gonna be able to discuss either thoroughly. i dont see y u wld do this unless winning the debate was more important than fully engaging in the discussion.

 

[Golden]

@Zagreus, what r ur thots on this?

 

[Goldie]

tf. idk how many ways this can be explained.

r the 2 matters related, yes. they r separate discussions tho.

there r couples who get married n dont even plan on having kids.

there r women who believe in give their kids the fathers name regardless of whether they were EVER married to them.

giving kids the name of their father is one discussion

a woman taking her husband's name is another discussion.

u keep conflating the 2 like they're one in the same n its dumb as hell. they are related but separate issues n if u keep deflecting from the discussion of 1 by using the other, ur not gonna be able to discuss either thoroughly. i dont see y u wld do this unless winning the debate was more important than fully engaging in the discussion.

lmaooo u mad or nah?

Show me anywhere in my last post where I said anything about kids lol


"u keep conflating the 2" , you're the only one doing that , cuz my last post had NOTHING to do with kids.

 

[Golden]

:dh:
so done feeding the troll king @TheMasterKey

 

[Goldie]

When all else fails, call them a troll :lmao2:

 

[Goldie]

Muslim teaching:


Shaykh Bakr Abu Zayd (may Allaah preserve him) said: This is one of the beauties of sharee’ah, because calling a person by his father’s name is more appropriate for knowing who is who and telling people apart. The father is the protector and maintainer of the child and his mother both inside and outside the home. This is why the father mixes with people in the marketplaces and takes risks by travelling to earn a halaal living and strive for their sakes. So the child is given the name of the father, not of the mother who is hidden away and who is one of those whom Allaah commanded

 

[Golden]

missing the point completely.

whats ur rebuttal to women keeping their names in Holland?

Thats what the thread is about, women who dont change their names to their husband's.

u stay moving goal posts.