Betrayal is Betrayal no matter who it comes from. You take that risk with people in general
When is it okay to open up to your woman?
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Betrayal is Betrayal no matter who it comes from. You take that risk with people in general
konceptjones
The one between three and three.
There's this, yes. However, "grown men" tend to support one another if they come sincerely like "ayo bro, I need help with this". At least, that's how my circle is. Maybe back inna day when we were in our early 20's, niggas might have clowned certain shit, but at our age today, married with kids or otherwise, we got a lot on our shoulders, sometimes too much. It's cool to have other cats that have been through the shit like you have that you can bounce ideas off of or just ask for help in coping with life without judgement.
But see for me, because I lost her, I lost that person that I felt I could truly be like that with. Someone that really got you like that is rare as shit and when they're gone, finding like that again is near impossible.
So, yeah, as "bitter" or "closed off" as it may seem from the outside, at this point in my life it's back to being "nonsense".
Again i agree with you but if the logic is founded in being weary due to past experiences then why give more grace to 1 group over the other when admittedly both have been the source of the apprehension and ridicule? All im saying is if you gonna distrust some then distrust everybody. Keep it fair all around.
And yes finding someone or more than 1 person you can truly be open like that with is hard. But dismissing it as nonsense diminishes thr actual impact and importance of developing that relationship if somebody does find that person they can be open with.
Tayboo
There she go🥰
To me open communication and vulnerability go hand and hand. I'm all for respecting a boundary and you don't have to do a deep dive like am your therapist, but you gotta give something to have understanding.
konceptjones
The one between three and three.
Because I understand the shit the bruhs go through and they understand me.
Yeah, when we're young and immature niggas might clown you over some shit 'cause that's how we do, but if they're really your boy, later on down the line they might come back like "yeah, that was fucked up bruh, my bad". I've had just that happen to me within the last few years as well as having been the one to do the apologizing.
konceptjones
The one between three and three.
But they don't. One can maintain open communication with a woman but still have things he never wishes to discuss with her, and that should be ok. Sometimes the only understanding you need is "he doesn't like discussing certain things" an that's it.
Eventually he may decide to open up about whatever it is, but when that happens is for him to decide, not you. That's his timeline of events: It could take years, it could take decades, it could be on his deathbed and it could be never; that's always an option.
You're still giving grace for one that you don't allow for another. And thats your perogative but just say that's what you're doing. Because as you said for many all it takes is 1 or 2 bad experiences and they shut down forever.
The original tweet in question didn't mention women. It just asked why men go through things alone. So yeah putting the full onus on 1 group does skew things in a way that doesnt allow for a truly honest discussion. There's more to that topic than "women can be assholes"
Tayboo
There she go🥰
So then him and his timeline can go on together and I can see my way out....
konceptjones
The one between three and three.
So because he won't open up when you want it's a problem???
konceptjones
The one between three and three.
Of course. And the answer is that, by and large, men are solitary beings for the most part, so there's gonna be shit we go through alone.
Tayboo
There she go🥰
Yes. Why would I want to commit and try to go through life with man who 1. won't open up to me, 2. won't even give a reason why he's uncomfortable with a certain subject, and 3. I'll never know when he will trust me for him to be venerable. That doesn't sound like a healthy relationship.
There's that too. And that's also why im giving pushback to the "it's women's fault" thing because 1. As grown men I think it's on us to teach younger men to not clown their peers for the shit we did to each other. Young boys emulate the men they see and when they see us do that or hear us talk to each other certain ways they pick that up. And i think if we did more of telling them younger that as a young man it's ok to feel their emotions and deal with them there'd be less angry and confused young men walking around.
loud-ninja
Here to point out the illogical
Not really just a woman issues. Majority of people do it when issues are involved. Hell, your friends might do it if yall beefing . Hurt people hurt people.
konceptjones
The one between three and three.
He's uncomfortable and that's it. That's the reason. You just don't like the reason he's given.
He will open up, but at his own pace, in his own time. My guess is you're expecting him to jump out there wearing everything on his sleeve and we just don't work that way. You're expecting a man to move like a woman, not like a man does. That's an unrealistic expectation. I guarantee you this: The man that appears to be super vulnerable and open, is holding back far more than you might even be able to fathom. It's a performance to silence you and your doubts, but best believe there's probably some horrific shit he's keeping close to the vest that you may never learn of... Or you might, after decades of marriage he may just open up about it out of the blue.
True story: One day, after being with her for nearly 20 years, my father opened up to my stepmother while they were in bed talking one night. He told her that one day someone may come knocking at their door, possibly even two of them. Come to find out, he fathered one, but possibly two kids, in the 70's prior to meeting my stepmoms. It was something he had dealt with in his head for all those years, and finally came to terms with it to the point where he opened up about it. Stepmoms didn't hold it against him either, and I got that straight from her own mouth because she recounted the story to me barely even a couple of years ago.
In the meantime, they had a life together; he raised her son, my stepbrother, and they had two more kids together. Went through ups and downs and all of the usual married life shit.
konceptjones
The one between three and three.
Well, in all fairness, the question was asked by a woman (just looking at the name and avatar), so that kinda lends itself to being answered from the perspective of a man being crossed by a women after choosing to open up.
The response talking about "Do you see how useless male friendships are?! Because why aren’t they talking about their friends?" which also appears to come from a woman, is basically nothing more than a shit-starter that's more than likely completely clueless as to how men and women operate in friendships.
Just because a woman asked the question doesn't mean it was a question about how women have done men wrong. The question didn't have any gendered theme except asking men question and many took the chance to go off about women.
I agree that alot of women have no real idea the dynamics of men's friendships...but this wasn't one of those times because the initial question seemed to be more from the perspective of why do men go through alot alone because a consistent theme/discussion on social media is how many men complain they have no outlets for their emotions.
konceptjones
The one between three and three.
Those men took that as a way to vent their frustrations. The saw a lane and took it. "It came from a woman, guess she must mean..."
I'm not saying they were right or wrong either, I'm just seeing how it could happen.
And that's a problem