So by your logic since I've been cheated on in the past then I'm justified to treat any other man I encounter as a cheater....
And I get that boys don't get be as emotional as girls growing up, but that doesn't excuse not openly communicating with your partner as an adult. We all have things that have happened in our childhood that shaped us, that needed correction as we become critical thinking adults. If you know better, then do better...
My point was not about the cheating. It's about letting past bad experiences effect your future or present relationship. You want any future partner to just deal with a lack of open communication, which vital for a healthy relationship, because you dated someone 20 years ago who threw a vulnerable moment in your face. How is that fair to your current partner??See this is what I am talking about.
A woman demanding emotional communication is like a bank robber demanding money.
Men say, "I am not gonna open up because it's used against me."
Lol but men are opening up about why they don't open up.
Then here's women, "Well I got cheated on, would it be fair to consider all men cheaters. You have to do better. You not a boy no more."
Prime example why men don't say shit about their feelings.
We not talking about cheating or individual people.
We are talking about women not having to take into account men's deep seated emotions and experiences due to how human mating and dating is arranged. And how males are subscribe a role.
Point is, most women do not have the skills to accomodate a man's emotions because they don't have the practice and it's something that culturally women in romantic relationships don't have to do.
A man ain't opening up is because he knows women ain't good handling a man's emotions in the context of romance.
It's kinda like how men used to not have to take into account whether his wife wanted to have sex or not because sex between husband and wife was a duty.
Man provides for the household, he wants booty. Men have changed since then.
Women have a man, she wants stoicism and stability. Women still think like this.
There were things that she understood were off limits. Mind you, she knew considerably more about me than almost any other woman because we were best friends for 10 years before the nature of our relationship changed. We often confided in one another during those years. But, what was off limits while we were friends, remained off limits as husband and wife and she respected that boundary.
Me, I think it's more that dudes rather not be vulnerable at all.
That said the whole "Never share your feelings with a woman cause she'll use them against you" mindset is weird. Like ya'll are with chicks that you think will use any opportunity they can to hurt you but at the same time fearlessly sticking your dick a woman's equivalent to a rat trap. Ok...
You said 'because I've been cheated on'. Who knows what that means, in terms of frequency. That statement could mean you have 9 relationships in your life and were cheated on one time. Or it could mean you have had 3 relationships and have been cheated on 3 times. Or it could mean you've had 20 relationships and been cheated on 12 times.He said he doesn't open up to women because of his past interactions with women. How is that any different from what I said?
Why would anyone ask for thousands of dollars 2 months into dating...that's mighty bold.
My point was not about the cheating. It's about letting past bad experiences effect your future or present relationship. You want any future partner to just deal with a lack of open communication, which vital for a healthy relationship, because you dated someone 20 years ago who threw a vulnerable moment in your face. How is that fair to your current partner??
I have the reverse question, why people get with people and believe that they'll never come a time when that person will be against you.
A man's weariness isn't just about women, it's about the world and the expectations about being a man and the burden that comes with it.
So yeah, unless the woman has proven herself time and time again that she is willing to do the same for him as he does for her, that she is capable of doing that, he should be wary of revealing all of himself.
A man revealing himself to a woman is gift to be earned.
Side chicks already thought I wasn't shit because I was out there so I didn't care lol.
But my main woman, hell naw I wasn't telling her I gambled my last dollar on the Bills winning the Superbowl.
Nah, I don't open up to anyone really. The few times I have with chicks it ended up being weaponized against me so I stopped with that nonsense early on.
His initial response was the bolded. You see that word FEW...hence my question about his logic.You said 'because I've been cheated on'. Who knows what that means, in terms of frequency. That statement could mean you have 9 relationships in your life and were cheated on one time. Or it could mean you have had 3 relationships and have been cheated on 3 times. Or it could mean you've had 20 relationships and been cheated on 12 times.
He said '...if EVERYTIME you stuck your hand in the fire, it got burned'.
What you said and what he said are two very different things.
Making a determination based on something happening to you 10% of the time is different than making a determination based on something happening to you 35% of the time, which is different than making a determination based on something happening to you 100% of the time.
Again, I still disagree with where he lands with it, but we can't act like him acting on being shit on 100% of the time is the same as someone acting on being shit on every now and then.
His initial response was the bolded. You see that word FEW...hence my question about his logic.
My point was not about the cheating. It's about letting past bad experiences in your past effect your future or present relationship. You want any future partner to just deal with a lack of open communication, which vital for a healthy relationship, because you dated someone 20 years ago who threw a vulnerable moment in your face. How is that fair to your current partner??
I do think there should be a distinction made between knowing you can talk to/open up to someone and choosing not to. If you know you can but choose not to that's one thing. If you truly feel you can't out of a fear of something being used against you that's definitely a problem
This is where I was with my wife. For the first 10 years as friends she was someone I felt comfortable enough with to let my guard down and speak openly about my issues or whatever else was going on. There were times when I said "nah, I don't wanna get into that" and she left it alone but I knew that if there was ever a point when I felt like discussing certain things I had closed off to anyone else, I could do so with her.
I think the main flaw in the logic though is that as men when expressing anything other than anger then we are usually clowned by, well everybody. Not just women. So when some say they feel like they can't open up to 1 group out of fear of ridicule, it does ignore the fact that whether it's a man or a woman that information can be used against you, it's just usually done in different ways.
He's saying that he only did it a few times...and every time he did it...he got the same reaction. But I understand what you're saying.His initial response was the bolded. You see that word FEW...hence my question about his logic.