Is emotional abuse a real thing?

[Golden]

Or be a sociopath..................lololololol

yeah I think there are lots of sociopaths out there. many of them are nice lol

What was your experience with my brethren

he was cool. nothing 'off' about him but there were hints here n there. he confirmed it one day, said he cldn't describe the feeling of sympathy if he tried. it was bizarre cuz I cldn't understand how someone seemingly good natured cld be empathy impaired. i asked him a lotta queshuns n he challenged each 1.

he said that ppl like me r 'kind' because it makes us feel good to be, n cuz seein/knowin bout suffering makes us feel a way, whereas ppl like him r kind because it's a choice that they decided is a right one. not because they get any gratification of their own out of doin good deeds or makin others feel better. gave me pause n made me think. which is a good thing, i like ppl who can do that. still too weirded out to continue a relationship with him tho. i learned that I need sum1 with compassion, even if he is right n compassion itself can't accomplish anything.

thats y i was curious if ur lack of empathy led to difficulties in understanding or communication in relationships. if u dont mind my askin, how did y'all resolve problems raised on their end if u cldn't put urself in their shoes? is it all logical deduction?

 

[Joshie Kahn]

Explain to me why somebody can't leave

I never said that they can't leave, what I'm saying is after years of living with this person, when things turn abusive, the person being abused is gonna try to repair the relationship and in many cases blame themselves in justification for the abuse. Most people won't get up and leave immediately, that's just not reality, that's some movie type shit.

 

[Goldie]

i knew this was your rebuttal, lol. I hate you b

so she can do that plus feed herself and children and all other expenses of living she might have. you living in an alternate universe

and as far as public housing it's not always easy to get this assistance-at least not immediately.

I've seen it done so I know it can be done, this is not some impossible shit, people do it all the time. Is it easy? nah, ofc not. It might be easier to put up with "emotional abuse" and stay at the place ur in and not work, but it can be done. It's still about choice.

 

[Joshie Kahn]

Get 2 jobs like everybody else until u can get a better one.

lol what if they have kids and other responsibilities?

 

[AP3.0]

Get 2 jobs like everybody else until u can get a better one.

just like that huh?

 

[Goldie]

I never said that they can't leave, what I'm saying is after years of living with this person, when things turn abusive, the person being abused is gonna try to repair the relationship and in many cases blame themselves in justification for the abuse. Most people won't get up and leave immediately, that's just not reality, that's some movie type shit.

That's my point, that goes for any drama within a relationship, naturally people are gonna try to stay and fix it, but ultimately it comes down to choice. Yall been makin it seem like there's no way out, they have no choice but to stay and that is NOT the case at all.

 

[Reesey]

So for those saying it is your choice if someone is emotionally abusing you to the point of fearing for your life y'all just going to get up and go? Or your kids? Where you gonna go if the shelter turns you away, if you have no car, if you have no family, no money? And those are legit reasons that people deal with. I really don't think any of you would just be like yep I am out if you had been dealing with it for years. I think there is a lot of over simplification going on here.

easy af to oversimplify when its a foreign concept to u

Yes!! And it is not a foreign concept to me.
I speak harshly and honestly because of my own experiences. As I previously stated, due to my family pointing it out, I can seem a bit callus when it comes to others decisions to continue the abuse cycle and not removing themselves.

I am better at it now by just offering my thoughts without detail. However, My views/stance on this will never change.

It can ,has and should be done.. whatever you have to do to remove yourself and ESPECIALLY your children from situations that can mentally and/or physically harm them and you.

 

[Loquacious]

Still waiting to be quoted. Don't put words in my mouth. Thanks.

 

[MissK]

I've seen it done so I know it can be done, this is not some impossible shit, people do it all the time. Is it easy? nah, ofc not. It might be easier to put up with "emotional abuse" and stay at the place ur in and not work, but it can be done. It's still about choice.

YEA but i never said it couldnt be done, I said folks are acting like this stuff never happens.

 

[Goldie]

Yes, 2 jobs lol People do it ALLL the time, the fact that yall are acting like this is some impossible feat is hilarious.

 

[MissK]

Yes!! And it is not a foreign concept to me.
I speak harshly and honestly because of my own experiences. As I previously stated, due to my family pointing it out, I can seem a bit callus when it comes to others decisions to continue the abuse cycle and not removing themselves.

I am better at it now by just offering my thoughts without detail. However, My views/stance on this will never change.

It can ,has and should be done.. whatever you have to do to remove yourself and ESPECIALLY your children from situations that can mentally and/or physically harm them and you.

I get you and I do agree BUT if I felt I had to stay in order to best protect myself and kids I would. Women die fleeing a man in this situation same as they do if they stay

 

[AP3.0]

Yes, 2 jobs lol People do it ALLL the time, the fact that yall are acting like this is some impossible feat is hilarious.

so tell me, how does a homemaker, who hasnt worked a single job supposed to just find employment while the rest of the workforce and people younger than her have surpassed her in the various industries, is supposed to just find work and find someone to watch the kids? who gon pay for that?

then the next complaint is gon be people who live off the govt make ya'll sick...cant have it both ways

 

[Joshie Kahn]

That's my point, that goes for any drama within a relationship, naturally people are gonna try to stay and fix it, but ultimately it comes down to choice. Yall been makin it seem like there's no way out, they have no choice but to stay and that is NOT the case at all.

I never said that, what I said is that it's not nearly as easy yall make it out to be, that process if kids are involved can take years if things don't work out.

 

[Loquacious]

It's all a choice!

 

[MissK]

Yes, 2 jobs lol People do it ALLL the time, the fact that yall are acting like this is some impossible feat is hilarious.

Go listen to some Future and sat down!

 

[Goldie]

so tell me, how does a homemaker, who hasnt worked a single job supposed to just find employment while the rest of the workforce and people younger than her, is supposed to just find work and find someone to watch the kids? who gon pay for that?

then the next complaint is gon be people who live off the govt make ya'll sick...cant have it both ways

I've never shitted on govt assistance, shit they owe us more than that shit.

If these illegal immigrants who can barely say 2 fuckin words in english can get a job, so can she/he.

 

[AP3.0]

i swear, the first ever ABW boxing match is gon have me and goldie as the main event

 

[Reesey]

I agree @MissK



I dont agree with Reesy or Kandy at alll with this "Abuse is a choice" mumbo jumbo

I see a lot of victim-blaming. I cant get with that.
I dont think we understand the dynamics of abuse.
I think we are trying to make something very complex, simple

and that's not how any of this works.

leaving is often the most dangerous time for a victim of abuse, because abuse is about power and control.
when a victim decides to leave, this undermines their partners power which can cause their partner to retaliate in destructive ways.
those who wonder why an abuse victim decides to say...
is giving weight to the very notion that they must like it (WHICH IS DANGEROUS AS FUCK) this only creates one more hurdle for the abused to get over in regards to leaving. It makes the world simpler, no doubt, for us to indulge this theory. We feel safer. "That shit cant happen to me," we say. "I would never deal with that shit." But the research proves anybody can end up in an abusive situation. And blaming the victims is a huge part of the problem. It reinforces the culture of shame.

The way we minimize abuse is a problem. I read a book once that said abuse is so latent in society that it is normalized. Its in the shows we watch, the music we listen to. This culture of silence and shame only makes the abused want to hide their pain, and when that happens -- when their plight remains invisible -- they have no hope at all of leaving.

What is even more alarming is how you are blaming the victim and not the abuser.
Most people are more concerned with why women stay in abusive relationships than why men are abusing women and vice versa.

Have ever spoke to women at shelters in your community?

Have you ever been abused in your adult life? because its easy to speak about things from a place of privilege.

Telling someone they are to blame for the abuse inflicted on them, is crazy as hell to me

Do we tell Black folks theyre to blame for their mistreatment in society?
No.

How can you have the same logic when it comes to things like this?

Well said.

Yet, It is simple. Pity and the "woe is me" factor make it hard. Many like yourself enable those who need strength and not excuses.

No, I do not blame us for our mistreatment, but I DO and WILL blame us if we allow said mistreatment to halt our progress and success in life.

I do not blame US for getting into abusive relationships but I do blame us for STAYING in them once we are aware.

We sometimes cannot prevent the rape of our minds, character, spirits and beings. But we can control what happens next..WE can control how we handle it, how we save ourselves.

 

[Loquacious]

If you choose to stay to protect your kids and self, that's making a choice.

If you choose to leave the situation, it's still a choice.

I'm not faulting nobody for what choices they make. All I'm saying is, it is a choice.

 

[MissK]

i swear, the first ever ABW boxing match is gon have me and goldie as the main event

And me cuz imma knock his lil ass all the way out