Is emotional abuse a real thing?
- Thread starter Race Jones
- Start date
Race, this your thread lol
Race Jones
gangster. grace. alchemy
Old Man Cain
OG
Only thing I agree on that everyone situation is different and you can't always walk away from cold turkey and you can't always talk it out with your tormentor as well. Every path is different with different consequences at each end of the path.
I've never been mentally abused so I don't know how that feels or work. Have I been in bad relationships of course but I wouldn't call that mental abuse. I MYSELF liken mental abuse to imprisonment and how it break downs your mental state but like I said I've never been in a relationship based mental abuse so take from that as you wish.
FakeOhMars
MEH!
Ive only said tisk tisk twice in this thread, when yall initially said that emotional abuse is real and when you basically refused to explain your side of it.
I understand and respect that you don't wanna talk about it, because I respect you, so i'll leave it alone from here
Just know I never was intending to alienate or laugh at you, this was purely an attempt at understanding.
I cant, so I turned to yall for that understanding, but wasnt let in yalls defenses. I think this subject might be too close to home to have a legit discussion.
And your other points in this point had nothing to do with what we are talking about
ohmars, out of your mouth you said that no woman is gon emotionally abuse you or something to that effect...im too lazy to find the quote, but that came from you...
again...you can say today that it wont happen to you, but you dont know what would happen. My hope is that, the thoughts expressed in this thread will equip you to be in a better place to recognize the patterns and behavior and deal with it accordingly
Edit:
i found it
again...you can say today that it wont happen to you, but you dont know what would happen. My hope is that, the thoughts expressed in this thread will equip you to be in a better place to recognize the patterns and behavior and deal with it accordingly
Edit:
i found it
Ironman
Genius, Billionaire, Playboy, Philanthropist
She's hit me twice both in temper scenarios and it took a lot not to kill her.
FakeOhMars
MEH!
I stand by what I said
But we were talking about how i couldnt understand emotional abuse, to people denying being emotionally vulnerable, to how sexual preferences have change, then you capped it off with I might get emotionally abused one day.
I read the whole thing. I agree with Reesey. Emotional abuse is real, it's like bullying sorta.
I do feel like as a kid you have no control over it especially if it's coming from parents. What can you do? It sucks.
As an adult though, I mean unless you have a weak mind or was emotionally abused as a child too, it is your fault that you are dealing with. What you allow will continue. I understand "walking away" isn't that easy but I don't recall anybody ever saying it was easy. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, no matter how hard it is. I understand their are certain situations you may feel like it's not that easy to just up and leave but honestly it's no excuse. You should never choose to stay ANYWHERE where you are dealing with abuse or deal with ANYBODY who is abusing you in any form. Never.
I do feel like as a kid you have no control over it especially if it's coming from parents. What can you do? It sucks.
As an adult though, I mean unless you have a weak mind or was emotionally abused as a child too, it is your fault that you are dealing with. What you allow will continue. I understand "walking away" isn't that easy but I don't recall anybody ever saying it was easy. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, no matter how hard it is. I understand their are certain situations you may feel like it's not that easy to just up and leave but honestly it's no excuse. You should never choose to stay ANYWHERE where you are dealing with abuse or deal with ANYBODY who is abusing you in any form. Never.
dont be obtuse
my correlation about the sexual preference was simply to point out how people say one thing, something happens, and it alters their pov afterwards...Take pussy eating out and sub in eating grits with sugar or some shit. You know what im trying to say.
I didnt say you might get emotionally abused, but just saying that the opportunity exists. Unless they are wearing a sign that says "i like to emotionally abuse niggas"...you aint gon see it coming out right, then who knows how long ya'll have been together at that point.
I think you have some image of Norbit getting punked by some big bertha chick ordering him around. Stuff like emotional abuse isnt so blatant in most cases. It gradually builds up over time. With a man, he may begin to question his position in life or the relationship b/e he no longer feels adequate in that area.
Kandy said something the other day in the other thread about women stroking their man's ego. What happens when you have a woman that is constantly tearing away at his ego? Slowly, and bit by bit, he becomes a shell of himself and begins to lose confidence. He has stopped believing in his purpose and role in the dynamic.
ya'll know im the king of "its not black and white" and this, like many of the other positions i have taken on this board, falls under that ideology.
MissK
I was Not here
So for those saying it is your choice if someone is emotionally abusing you to the point of fearing for your life y'all just going to get up and go? Or your kids? Where you gonna go if the shelter turns you away, if you have no car, if you have no family, no money? And those are legit reasons that people deal with. I really don't think any of you would just be like yep I am out if you had been dealing with it for years. I think there is a lot of over simplification going on here.
FakeOhMars
MEH!
Bruh, this is all I've been asking for from the beginning, just some clarity into the situation.
Golden
Administrator
easy af to oversimplify when its a foreign concept to u
also, what if you dont have a strong support system...via family, friends, etc...
these things matter. Some people are able to escape, and unfortunately others arent
I think its easier for a man to leave a toxic situation, b/c the stigma of emotional abuse is majority tied to women, but still, it might not be as easy for him to just peace out. What if he has kids then leaves, then tries to seek custody. Im just gon go out on a limb and assume its gon be hard af for him to prove he was emotionally abused to the point where a judge would grant him sole custody of children b/c this is a topic that just doesnt get the attention it deserves. Not even in the court of law.
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my g...Race had a dope ass post that i even quoted fam
I could've stopped right there tbh
you gon make me find that quote huh...lol...brb
edit: i know you read this b/c you addressed her remark about children
Race Jones
gangster. grace. alchemy
I agree @MissK
I dont agree with Reesy or Kandy at alll with this "Abuse is a choice" mumbo jumbo
I see a lot of victim-blaming. I cant get with that.
I dont think we understand the dynamics of abuse.
I think we are trying to make something very complex, simple
and that's not how any of this works.
leaving is often the most dangerous time for a victim of abuse, because abuse is about power and control.
when a victim decides to leave, this undermines their partners power which can cause their partner to retaliate in destructive ways.
those who wonder why an abuse victim decides to say...
is giving weight to the very notion that they must like it (WHICH IS DANGEROUS AS FUCK) this only creates one more hurdle for the abused to get over in regards to leaving. It makes the world simpler, no doubt, for us to indulge this theory. We feel safer. "That shit cant happen to me," we say. "I would never deal with that shit." But the research proves anybody can end up in an abusive situation. And blaming the victims is a huge part of the problem. It reinforces the culture of shame.
The way we minimize abuse is a problem. I read a book once that said abuse is so latent in society that it is normalized. Its in the shows we watch, the music we listen to. This culture of silence and shame only makes the abused want to hide their pain, and when that happens -- when their plight remains invisible -- they have no hope at all of leaving.
What is even more alarming is how you are blaming the victim and not the abuser.
Most people are more concerned with why women stay in abusive relationships than why men are abusing women and vice versa.
Have ever spoke to women at shelters in your community?
Have you ever been abused in your adult life? because its easy to speak about things from a place of privilege.
Telling someone they are to blame for the abuse inflicted on them, is crazy as hell to me
Do we tell Black folks theyre to blame for their mistreatment in society?
No.
How can you have the same logic when it comes to things like this?
I dont agree with Reesy or Kandy at alll with this "Abuse is a choice" mumbo jumbo
I see a lot of victim-blaming. I cant get with that.
I dont think we understand the dynamics of abuse.
I think we are trying to make something very complex, simple
and that's not how any of this works.
leaving is often the most dangerous time for a victim of abuse, because abuse is about power and control.
when a victim decides to leave, this undermines their partners power which can cause their partner to retaliate in destructive ways.
those who wonder why an abuse victim decides to say...
is giving weight to the very notion that they must like it (WHICH IS DANGEROUS AS FUCK) this only creates one more hurdle for the abused to get over in regards to leaving. It makes the world simpler, no doubt, for us to indulge this theory. We feel safer. "That shit cant happen to me," we say. "I would never deal with that shit." But the research proves anybody can end up in an abusive situation. And blaming the victims is a huge part of the problem. It reinforces the culture of shame.
The way we minimize abuse is a problem. I read a book once that said abuse is so latent in society that it is normalized. Its in the shows we watch, the music we listen to. This culture of silence and shame only makes the abused want to hide their pain, and when that happens -- when their plight remains invisible -- they have no hope at all of leaving.
What is even more alarming is how you are blaming the victim and not the abuser.
Most people are more concerned with why women stay in abusive relationships than why men are abusing women and vice versa.
Have ever spoke to women at shelters in your community?
Have you ever been abused in your adult life? because its easy to speak about things from a place of privilege.
Telling someone they are to blame for the abuse inflicted on them, is crazy as hell to me
Do we tell Black folks theyre to blame for their mistreatment in society?
No.
How can you have the same logic when it comes to things like this?
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MissK
I was Not here
FakeOhMars
MEH!
Nah, i stopped reading it after she said her dad was emotionally abusive. I've been talking about parent to child emotional abuse.
What yo us said was a little more poignant.
To me the example she gave isnt abuse. It actually reminds me of a joke Patrice O'neal did about women emotionally raping men with questions like "did you miss me", but that's a whole other topic.