Welcome To aBlackWeb

Register

what actually counts as cheating? a therapist, a lawyer and a sex worker explain...

Race Jones said:
true.

but it hardly works out this way.

I was just talking about this with my girlfriend.
Black men dont have alot of older male mentors that they can reach out to.
like lets say there dad is gone (or never around) who can they reach out to for guidance outside of their male counterparts?
its very hard to find.

our communities have changed drastically.
some men dont have older men they can confide in or look up to
Click to expand...
what about older women? most black men have their mamas.

why would they look to young women whom they aren't related to as relationship guides? they know what they're doing.

unless it's the Young MA-like lesbian stud in their crew, they're using their relationship problems to get closer to a chick.

it's game, it isn't forming organically.
 
i dont think anyone goes into a situation regarding a 3rd party even somewhat remotely attracted to a person thinks that "oh, eventually, we'll fuck"

sometimes ya'll might just would like to use someone as a sounding board who has no dog in the fight
 
my brother for example was in a turbulent relationship and really needed advice and had no one to talk to
(my dad is not someone you hit up for relationship advice whatsoever lol) so he had to enlist the help of his commanding officer.
at first he was embarrassed but he actually established a strong bond with his officer and now hes his mentor

also how many happily Black married couples do we know?

I mean happily married, been in a relationship for years and still thriving?
(not those on the brink of divorce or in martial turmoil 24/7)

Ill be honest the only person I know of at this time is DU.
 
BNE said:
what about older women? most black men have their mamas.

why would they look to young women whom they aren't related to as relationship guides? they know what they're doing.

unless it's the Young MA-like lesbian stud in their crew, they're using their relationship problems to get closer to a chick.

it's game, it isn't forming organically.
Click to expand...

i've found a lot of women disregard anything remotely helpful from another female, even if its a peer. They tend to only want to be judged in a positive light

like if married woman A was talking to her homegirl (B)who is also married about her issues

and Married B is like "Girl i hear you, i really do, but have you tried listening to him more or acknowledging what he is saying as legitimate?"

A: WHY WOULD I DO THAT?? HE WAS WRONG!!!
B: you got it friend
 
Simp said:
i dont think anyone goes into a situation regarding a 3rd party even somewhat remotely attracted to a person thinks that "oh, eventually, we'll fuck"

sometimes ya'll might just would like to use someone as a sounding board who has no dog in the fight
Click to expand...
a sounding board who has no dog in the fight can be one of your besties or a therapist.

if your sounding board is a person of your preferred sex, whom you would likely be interested in if you were single, there is a reason.
 
Im off topic here but Im just saying navigating relationships is hard as hell
and its even harder we you dont have examples around you to show you how this sht works.
 
Simp said:
i've found a lot of women disregard anything remotely helpful from another female, even if its a peer. They tend to only want to be judged in a positive light

like if married woman A was talking to her homegirl (B)who is also married about her issues

and Married B is like "Girl i hear you, i really do, but have you tried listening to him more or acknowledging what he is saying as legitimate?"

A: WHY WOULD I DO THAT?? HE WAS WRONG!!!
B: you got it friend
Click to expand...
how many interactions between women on this matter have you seen first hand? srs q. you're a man. how were you present for it?
Race Jones said:
Im off topic here but Im just saying navigating relationships is hard as hell
and its even harder we you dont have examples around you to show you how this sht works.
Click to expand...
some of the best men I know didn't have father figures. idk if that's the link personally.
 
BNE said:
what about older women? most black men have their mamas.

why would they look to young women whom they aren't related to as relationship guides? they know what they're doing.

unless it's the Young MA-like lesbian stud in their crew, they're using their relationship problems to get closer to a chick.

it's game, it isn't forming organically.
Click to expand...


Black men have been enlisting the help of older Black women for years
but heres where I shock everyone and say BLACK MEN NEED OTHER BLACK MEN.
 
BNE said:
a sounding board who has no dog in the fight can be one of your besties or a therapist.

if your sounding board is a person of your preferred sex, whom you would likely be interested in if you were single, there is a reason.
Click to expand...

you dont have to be interested in someone to fuck them trini

but your friends, in theory should be available to bounce stuff off of. But what if they pillow talk? It could happen

but until the stigma attached to therapists gets removed in the black community, then therapists arent going to be seen as the top option for stuff like this, but i agree a therapist is better equipped to tackle these issues
 
BNE said:
how many interactions between women on this matter have you seen first hand? srs q. you're a man. how were you present for it?

some of the best men I know didn't have father figures. idk if that's the link personally.
Click to expand...

i think you would really like me if we met in person lol

i know im just an avatar to you, but i speak from experience. I aint just throwing shit out there just for reactions

trust me when i say i've seen my share up close and personal
 
Race Jones said:
Black men have been enlisting the help of older Black women for years
but heres where I shock everyone and say BLACK MEN NEED OTHER BLACK MEN.
Click to expand...
I agree with you wholeheartedly that black men need other black men.

I just don't think there's any link between the lack of older black male mentors and a propensity for emotional infidelity personally.

Besides, a great deal of infidelity happens in cases where the participant doesn't even know the person is taken.
 
BNE said:
I agree with you wholeheartedly that black men need other black men.

I just don't think there's any link between the lack of older black male mentors and a propensity for emotional infidelity personally.

Besides, a great deal of infidelity happens in cases where the participant doesn't even know the person is taken.
Click to expand...

where is your evidence to support this? ;)
 
any sort of interaction with another that you feel you have to lie or hide is considered cheating.

If you felt you weren't doing anything wrong why lie or hide? Most people cheat themselves more than anything.

But yeah... that's the simple version.
 
Simp said:
i think you would really like me if we met in person lol

i know im just an avatar to you, but i speak from experience. I aint just throwing shit out there just for reactions

trust me when i say i've seen my share up close and personal
Click to expand...
I like u a whole lot already AP. thot u knew that.

nah i'm srs asking tho, it wasn't a rhetorical q. how were u present for enough girl talk sessions to come to that conclusion?
Simp said:
you dont have to be interested in someone to fuck them trini

but your friends, in theory should be available to bounce stuff off of. But what if they pillow talk? It could happen

but until the stigma attached to therapists gets removed in the black community, then therapists arent going to be seen as the top option for stuff like this, but i agree a therapist is better equipped to tackle these issues
Click to expand...
sure, theoretically u don't need to be interested in sum1 to fuck them. that doesn't change the fact that the vast majority of people who fuck are interested in each other. we can't argue with outliers if we're talking likelihood.

regarding friends, I agree. but if they were existing friends prior to the relationship one participant is currently in, y r they suddenly fucking?

i feel like you have a specific scenario in mind when you're forming ur arguments on this n it isn't fitting in the broader argument.

100% agree on therapy. socioeconomic barriers too (can't get a therapist if you're not working, yet ppl still find it in them to date while unemployed).
 
Race Jones said:
my brother for example was in a turbulent relationship and really needed advice and had no one to talk to
(my dad is not someone you hit up for relationship advice whatsoever lol) so he had to enlist the help of his commanding officer.
at first he was embarrassed but he actually established a strong bond with his officer and now hes his mentor

also how many happily Black married couples do we know?

I mean happily married, been in a relationship for years and still thriving?
(not those on the brink of divorce or in martial turmoil 24/7)

Ill be honest the only person I know of at this time is DU.
Click to expand...
the only person on OR offline is Du? do u live in a predom white area sis?
 
BNE said:
that's saddening. do u know any unmarried but long term, healthy black couples?
Click to expand...

whats sad living in the hood (solely my choice) or not knowing any Black married couples?
not knowing happily married Black couples is not uncommon.
I mean there are studies that have shown the prospects of marriage for Black women is a lot tougher compared to those in other racial groups.

I dont know any. I have male friends that are married but theyre currently cheating on their wives so thats not saying much.

Im also speaking about older couples, older Black couples.
and no I dont know of too many Black people in satisfying relationships at this time.
I mean to the outside world they may appear happy but when its all said and done there's a lot of BS happening behind close doors.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top