This is causing a stir on my FB. What you think?

[DOS_patos]

I don't agree with him trying to put a number to it, but I think you're oversimplifying the matter too.

As someone else already noted, the family court system is heavily biased toward mothers. There are plenty of dudes with resources that burn their worlds down trying to get a fair deal for their kids and come out with nothing to show for it. Now imagine how it works for those who don't have those resources. I'd agree that a lot of the dudes that say shit like what was posted in the OP are just looking for an excuse to be absent. However, I know for a fact, there are also dudes out there who are absent because they realized how bad the fight was for the kids. Right or wrong, some dudes thing the kids are better off without them than having to deal with the trauma that results from a war between mommy and daddy.

i cant fully agree with this...
i think a child seeing a parent fighting the other parent to see them...i think the trauma will be less hurtful and at least they will feel wanted.
to not try because of potential trauma can cause abandonment issues.

Yea, i didnt fight for you because i didnt want you seeing that.

that will not go over with any child

 

[DOS_patos]

Ppl don't understand that "fighting to see" your child as a man, especially a black man is not some just go down to the court and fill out some paperwork shit. You are literally fighting the government. The judges, the refs, the police, the clerks, you know the same system that never gives us justice any other time sure as hell don't care about our family problems. The trifle ass bitches that play keep away know that.

Protection orders are an effective weapon of choice. A woman can go down to the court, fill out a form, have the fee for the filing of said form waived and request an emergency hearing where she can go before the judge the same day. All without you having the least bit of an idea this is going on let alone being served and having your day in court. 9 times outta 10, the judge grants it because no judge wants to be the one to deny a protection order and something actually happens to the woman.

Had this happen to me more times than I can count. Can you imagine what it feels like to show up to just to exercise your parenting time only to be arrested for some shit you didn't even know about? And yes, the police can legally arrest you on a ppo that you haven't even been served on. You go to jail, get out, file to have it dismissed. A court date is granted, she doesn't show, it gets dismissed and she files another one. Rinse and repeat.

You fought to get your parenting time and schedule into an order? Great! Now good luck getting that shit enforced if she doesn't comply. Oh you'll just call the police? Well they will tell you it's a civil issue (despite the fact that the police have the authority to enforce a court order) and you have to file a complaint. Hearing gets set, she either doesn't show and it gets adjourned, or she shows and gets the old "why aren't you complying with my order" speech and both of you leave. Rinse and repeat.

This ain't no one off or extreme case, I've sat in these family courts and watch many many men go through the same shit. It's a whole lot more to this shit than ppl want to admit

oh yea.

troof

shit i get called bitter all the time because of this very thing.
but if you havent been thru it, going at 100 mph....you wont understand.

the only way i started getting any progress was i had to jedi mind trick they asses into cussing me out in court and i played the hurt victim.

but whats crazy is it was alot of women who thought i was wrong for getting my child.
like on some "what kinda man would take a child from the mother"
shit it was some dudes that was saying men dont ask for child support..

shit dont make sense

 

[DOS_patos]

And I hate to say it, but I can understand (not condone) why some men give up and walk away. Everybody ain't built for this. I lost my house, my job, my car everything I worked hard for over this. I've paid over 100k in child support over the years. I've been arrested in front of my kids, spent weeks in the county, escorted out of schools just for showing up to bring my kids a birthday lunch.

I been treated like a deadbeat piece of shit after catching 3 buses to friend of the cunt, sorry court, to drop off my child support. I've put myself in debt paying support and still having to buy them clothes and food because she wasn't. Think anybody gave a shit? Nope.

I've had to sneak and spend time with my kids at the park. I've had them refuse to come out after showing up for scheduled parenting time. Had my two oldest refuse to talk to me for two years because of her manipulation. The list goes on and on. So much shit I went through that I couldn't even begin to type it all out.

All of that, fought for custody for years and the only way I "won" is the bitch decided to up and move in with her boyfriend at the time. Leaving the kids to fend for themselves. Even then, the judge gave her several chances. Even when she told the judge to her face that she didn't want custody anymore. Of course by that time, the kids were all teens and fucked up from her mental abuse.

Till this day the relationship with me and my two oldest is strained. She's filled their heads with so much bullshit we don't even talk. I look around and all I got is scorched earth to show for fighting the good fight.


So yeah, sometimes I ask myself, was it worth it?

i ask the same.
but yea....we kinda had this talk.

 

[King Freeman]

I'd say like 30%.

 

[#1hiphopjunki3]

Stuff like this is why I don't have Facebook. Lol

 

[The Mad Titan]

It's tough to understand the mental toll these wars have on a child when they don't understand what's going on and getting fed a certain narrative at the same time.

It's hopeful to feel that one day they will understand the fight was out of wanting to be there for them, but they might not get that until well in their 30s. Meanwhile, the scars from it seep into every crevice of their life and causes issues.

Kids look at their mothers as someone they need to be protective of. You throw that along with some "your daddy taking me to court again" type shit and then they look at you as being an evil bastard.

 

[The Mad Titan]

One piece of satisfaction I have from it all is that the bitch ended up getting stomped out in her own driveway by one of my exes.

She got to bumpin her gums and got her head combed. Shit was glorious.


Whole time I'm watching like

Bitch I'm inevitable

 

[AP3.0]

terribly sorry to read that @The Mad Titan

My situation isn't quite like yours, but i was able to empathize and relate to a lot of the shit you posted.

 

[deadeye]

My mama a whole custody/child support lawyer. I ain’t tryna hear the bullshit.

If you ain’t fighting to see your kids. You a busta. PERIODT

Then she knows the game better than you do.


Does she primarily represent women or men?


Either way, she should know that the courts are skewed in favor of the mother........not the father.

 

[deadeye]

Also, the "65%" thing isn't really that important.


I didn't take it at face value.


The overall message is that there are a lot of mothers who intentionally make it difficult for their children's father to have a relationship with them.

 

[Loquacious]

Then she knows the game better than you do.


Does she primarily represent women or men?


Either way, she should know that the courts are skewed in favor of the mother........not the father.

Men. I know a ton. We talk a lot about stuff.

 

[Loquacious]

My mama a whole custody/child support lawyer. I ain’t tryna hear the bullshit.

If you ain’t fighting to see your kids. You a busta. PERIODT

So you disagree @Shotta
You wacked me.

People shouldn’t fight for their children?

 

[Loquacious]

Y’all making too many damn excuses. We know the system fucked up. We know it’s mothers intentionally keeping kids away. None of that has been denied.


HOWEVER, you can fight for your child. Even if you lose the battle. You TRIED. Its better than sitting back and say fuck it. If the mama making it hard. Pop up at little league games. You ain’t even gotta talk to the bitch. Watch your child play. Send gifts regardless of what the mama do and keep the receipts. So when the child grows old, you got proof of you trying.

 

[DOS_patos]

Y’all making too many damn excuses. We know the system fucked up. We know it’s mothers intentionally keeping kids away. None of that has been denied.


HOWEVER, you can fight for your child. Even if you lose the battle. You TRIED. Its better than sitting back and say fuck it. If the mama making it hard. Pop up at little league games. You ain’t even gotta talk to the bitch. Watch your child play. Send gifts regardless of what the mama do and keep the receipts. So when the child grows old, you got proof of you trying.

I know y'all done fucked up when I agree with Kandy.
Get y'all shit together cuz I'm scared

 

[DOS_patos]

Alot of people just ain't got it in them tho.

Shit it's dudes even saying the mom can do a better job raising the child.

I would never take away from my job as a father. If anything, my arrogant ass thinks my job as a dad is more important after a certain age.

This ain't some woman hater shit....just how dare a nigga try it.

I can talk shit now...but in the early days....I was silly putty

 

[Loquacious]

The problem is having to fight in the first place. It should just happen, no need to fight for it. Custody should be a matter of giving the non-custodial parent ample time to spend with his/her child without interference from the custodial parent and if said parent DOES interfere then there SHOULD be an automatic charge of contempt of court against them and subsequent jail time and/or fines.

PERIODT.

No parent should have to fight to see their own child. You are correct. But if it comes down to it, it’s time to square up.

 

[Loquacious]

I think you're misunderstanding my point. I'm saying there are a lot of dudes out there who do fight to see their kids and lose.

And you missed my point when I said if you fight and lose. You still tried. I been saying the shit the whole thread.

 

[Loquacious]

@The Mad Titan

I respect the fight. You went all out for yours and that speaks volumes. I shall call you

The Fighting Titan.

 

[Shotta]

So you disagree @Shotta
You wacked me.

People shouldn’t fight for their children?

Nah I was actually frfr laughing at your mom being a custody lawyer and you ain't trying to hear nothing. I thought I fixed it, but it's fixed now.

You do realize that every state custody battle differs. Most southern States you have to prove the child is yours first then put yourself on child support before attempting for custody. Why should a person put themself on child support to fight for custody? The average person can't afford to pay for all that (DNA test, CS lawyer, custody lawyer )

 

[Loquacious]

Nah I was actually frfr laughing at your mom being a custody lawyer and you ain't trying to hear nothing. I thought I fixed it, but it's fixed now.

You do realize that every state custody battle differs. Most southern States you have to prove the child is yours first then put yourself on child support before attempting for custody. Why should a person put themself on child support to fight for custody? The average person can't afford to pay for all that (DNA test, CS lawyer, custody lawyer )

I’ve said the system is FUCKED UP. Are you skimming what I’m saying ? None of this shit should exist. No parent should have to fight to see their own seed. This ain’t a perfect world tho.

Soooooo does that mean because the system is fucked up, sit back and say fuck it? Or does it mean try?