This reminds me of the moment in superman where Clark watched his pops die in order to fufil his fathers wishes of not exposing his true self to humanity.
But having to do that minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day. Watching...
At some point u either break down emotionally and mentally from the weight of it all. Or, you take that part of you that feels all of that, you grab it. Stuff it so deep down within you that even when it’s touched.
It’s surface is only barely scratched, enough to know the feeling of being touched is there. But not enough to actually feel what’s touching it and know what it is.
Then, you can watch him die and logically know, it’s for a reason. And maybe, one day your able to save him. Everyone will see and understand what ur capable of.
For that moment you feel whole, and then..like Groundhog Day. It starts all over again, like your own personal hell.
But I was watching Lucifer last night. In a moment in the show he describes hell as the totality of ones guilt. The door to hell isnt locked. But a person can’t bring themselves to leave.
But, it might all just be nothing
