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Sexual abuse in the black community thread.

NeighborhoodNomad

NeighborhoodNomad

the marathon continues........
I don't really know if this would be the right sub-forum for this topic, or even if I'm really even qualified to make this thread but here we are.

I've recently noticed that most of the women I know whether family, co-workers, associates and even most of the women I meet and have met throughout my entire life have expressed to me at some point that they have been a victim of some form of sexual abuse in their lives.

I'm realizing that this is a major unspoken issue in the Black and Brown community and the fact that it's not really addressed hinders any kind of healing and growth for us on an individual level or as a community.

Now this thread is not about reliving any of the evil that was experienced in any way whatsoever. It's about highlighting the ways you overcame or are continuing to overcome the abuse you endured.

What were/are some of the ways you were able to overcome sexual abuse?

Hopefully another person can read your truth and it will help them with their healing process as well.

Now I understand that sexual abuse is not limited to women. This thread is for the ladies and the fellas to speak on how you were/are able to overcome. I also understand that this is a difficult topic so please feel free to post anonymously.

All anonymous posts in this thread must be respected.
 
NeighborhoodNomad said:
This isn't really a lounge type of topic, and I don't think it should be only available to certain posters.
Click to expand...

well the rest of the is site is open to the public and if someone is sharing, even if its anon, im sure they dont want other people to see it when it took them the courage to talk about it in the first place to a secluded part of the site

but i'll let @BNE decide
 
NeighborhoodNomad said:
This isn't really a lounge type of topic, and I don't think it should be only available to certain posters.
Click to expand...
The Lounge is more for active and/or vetted posters. so its a slightly more trusting space but a long list of members have access to this section. I'm cool with moving it to the public area, it is your thread, but be mindful that it might yield fewer replies.
 
Something we as a black community turn a blind eye to.

I know one chick I use to talk to told me she was sexually abuse and raped. I think it was by someone close. Loves her mama to death, but whenever she talked about that moment, you still hear a lol resentment towards her. Mainly b/c she felt her mama wasn't quite their for her after it happened.
 
I'm gonna make it public for now. If anyone wld be more comfortable sharing if it's in a private area, pls say so n I'll make it private again.

Till then, public. The threads in public sections can't be seen by people who aren't members of the forum. They can see titles but not contents.
 
I figured the health section because it's about healing. And I'm not really concerned with the numbers the thread does, but I do hope it helps with the healing of whoever reads it in whichever sub-forum it's in.

I didn't want to bring this kind of vibe with such a heavy topic but I believe it's important.
 
I made a long post about this on another forum, so im just gonna copy it and paste it here....

I was molested by four older girls between the ages of 6-9. They all were roughly 6-8 years older than me. But it all started with an older female cousin. I dont even remember how it started. All I know is something happened most times I was alone with her. She would tell me this was a secret and I couldn't tell anyone. That it was something boys and girls do and how it's not something we could do around adults and blah blah. I dont want to go into too much detail, but I TECHNICALLY lost my virginity around that age smh....

I just thought it was something boy and girl cousins "sometimes" do. Being so young and the fact that my parents never asked about stuff like that happening to me, i didnt think it was wrong.

But fast forward some years, I found out she was VIOLENTLY raped by her step mothers brother one summer visiting her father (my aunt and her dad divorced). She apologized to me when i was around 15. She told me about the rape and said even though it doesn't make it any better, that she hopes I would be able to forgive her and what not. We are cool now.

But i will say that the experience effected me to the point where I looked at girls and women different for most of my adolescent years....I knew how to have sex young. And i thought i knew how to touch girls...and i would try when I thought I could when adults werent around.

now I mentioned the fact that I was molested by four girls. So far I've only told one story.

There are three separate occasions I explicitly sexual things happening with TWO babysitters I was not related to when I was around the same age of the first story. Idk if i initiated or not, I'm pretty sure I did, but it turned into something else both times....

So eventually, I found out everything I had been doing was wrong and ironically, it was at Sunday a Sunday school lesson that was my wake up call. Lol. So then I felt bad about everything and didnt tell a soul about what happened for YEARS.

I avoided women and would act shy until around 16. Didn't actually have sex again until 17 or so.
 
I have had some trauma in my past-I don't really want to go into detail.

The statistics on sexual trauma experienced by women is staggering.

I think a lot of women are still not believed or labeled so it is hard to address this issue. Really it is a lot fewer that make false claims but those are the ones that make it hard for those that have been through it to seek help or talk about it.

I still deal with my own experience and see it manifest in different aspects of my life. I will never get over it but my life is not defined by it.
Therapy has helped me.
 
I know it's hard for women to come out and discuss this particular situation and even more difficult for a man to do so. I can't even imagine anyone I'm close with to have been a victim of sexual abuse.
 
This is a good thread, reminds me of what is happening in DC and other predominately Black areas ,

Black women/girls/femmes narratives go missing in public discourse; they're consistently overlooked, gutted and silenced. We grow angry when they vanish, not realizing their disappearance was ineluctable. Abuse, violence and neglect drives Black girls out of their homes and onto the streets. People blame organized crime and the faceless kidnapper, the nameless boogey man, the mysterious trafficker; when in reality many of our girls are running away from home due to internal (generational trauma, sexually abused by a relative or boyfriend/partner of the mother) and external (economic violence) factors.

Our communities aren't safe for little Black girls/women/femmes. These "traffickers", sexual predators/abusers that prey on girls do not belong to some crime syndicate; these are every day men and women. How do we keep girls away from men that promise them money? especially those --reacting to years of trauma---engage in sex at an early age, and then sought after by pimps.

How do we safeguard Black girls in a society that views them as promiscuous and hyper-sexual even in adolescence?

What do we do about the boy in his 20s that spends his time gaming teenage girls?

who protects the "fast tailed girls"?

The fact so many of our girls are missing leaves me suspended in this airless, inescapable space. People keep asking where are these girls?
...instead of why do Black girls leave their homes/neighborhoods/communities?
What are Black girls running from?
 
So therapy is something that has helped you in your process of healing and overcoming the abuse @MissK ? I don't know if "overcoming" is the right word.

What about you @Judge_Judah ? What are ways you were able to overcome the effects of your abuse? Like what were actions you applied in your life that helped you rise above the abuse if that makes any sense?
 
There are a couple of different instances that I went through. Yes therapy helped a little and medication as well.
I still have trouble with intimacy and I sometimes even have flashbacks when I am with a guy-even a guy I love. I am rarely able to achieve orgasm. But I do enjoy being intimate for the most part. Time has helped as well.

Guilt and shame stayed with me for a long time.
 
MissK said:
There are a couple of different instances that I went through. Yes therapy helped a little and medication as well.
I still have trouble with intimacy and I sometimes even have flashbacks when I am with a guy-even a guy I love. I am rarely able to achieve orgasm. But I do enjoy being intimate for the most part. Time has helped as well.

Guilt and shame stayed with me for a long time.
Click to expand...

I'm truly sorrowful you had to go through any of that. And even though it's still some things you're dealing with or overcoming it sounds like you're continuing to make real progress, even if it's baby steps. Props to you Miss K.
 
Judge_Judah said:
I made a long post about this on another forum, so im just gonna copy it and paste it here....

I was molested by four older girls between the ages of 6-9. They all were roughly 6-8 years older than me. But it all started with an older female cousin. I dont even remember how it started. All I know is something happened most times I was alone with her. She would tell me this was a secret and I couldn't tell anyone. That it was something boys and girls do and how it's not something we could do around adults and blah blah. I dont want to go into too much detail, but I TECHNICALLY lost my virginity around that age smh....

I just thought it was something boy and girl cousins "sometimes" do. Being so young and the fact that my parents never asked about stuff like that happening to me, i didnt think it was wrong.

But fast forward some years, I found out she was VIOLENTLY raped by her step mothers brother one summer visiting her father (my aunt and her dad divorced). She apologized to me when i was around 15. She told me about the rape and said even though it doesn't make it any better, that she hopes I would be able to forgive her and what not. We are cool now.

But i will say that the experience effected me to the point where I looked at girls and women different for most of my adolescent years....I knew how to have sex young. And i thought i knew how to touch girls...and i would try when I thought I could when adults werent around.

now I mentioned the fact that I was molested by four girls. So far I've only told one story.

There are three separate occasions I explicitly sexual things happening with TWO babysitters I was not related to when I was around the same age of the first story. Idk if i initiated or not, I'm pretty sure I did, but it turned into something else both times....

So eventually, I found out everything I had been doing was wrong and ironically, it was at Sunday a Sunday school lesson that was my wake up call. Lol. So then I felt bad about everything and didnt tell a soul about what happened for YEARS.

I avoided women and would act shy until around 16. Didn't actually have sex again until 17 or so.
Click to expand...


I.made a status about this on fb alot of my homies lost their V card at like 12 to like 16 to 18 year olds. They thought it was cool of course but had issues with trusting women. Like serious stuff always cheating not viewing shorty in any type of serious way.
 
NeighborhoodNomad said:
So therapy is something that has helped you in your process of healing and overcoming the abuse @MissK ? I don't know if "overcoming" is the right word.

What about you @Judge_Judah ? What are ways you were able to overcome the effects of your abuse? Like what were actions you applied in your life that helped you rise above the abuse if that makes any sense?
Click to expand...

To answer your question, i just supressed for a long time. Until i realized that it did have an effect on me around the age of 20 or so. Historically, ive had a hard time with lasting platonic realtionships with women because of it. And once i realized it was an issue, i avoided women for a while because i only viewed them as sexual objects. But i always had a moral compass. So instead of having those awkward feelings, i chose to only associate with woman i actully was romatically interested in.

I think the fact that i had closure and how i view people and the suffering we all endure in some form has helped me as an adult. In the beginning, i slightlt remember having some aversion to ot bevause it was new and somethong didnt feel right. But eventually that fadedand it was just something to do smh...

My faith has definitely played a big part in overcoming the situation tho. But the experience has caused paranoia when it comes to my son....

I legit would snap if i found out he got molested by someone. And that wouldn't be good for anyone involved.
 
I'm a female that was molested by other women in church multiple times.

It made me feel like God was never watching over me and I still have an extreme distrust of women with the exception of my mother. I was a tomboy cause I never liked being an adolescent girl. In turn, I missed out on the joys of being a child because my innocence was taken.

As a woman, a lot of my healing comes from a mixture of self medication and learning the art of forgiveness for myself and those that hurt me. I'm still very anti social and coping with depression, but I'm more accepting of my womanhood.
 
Anonymous said:
I'm a female that was molested by other women in church multiple times.

It made me feel like God was never watching over me and I still have an extreme distrust of women with the exception of my mother. I was a tomboy cause I never liked being an adolescent girl. In turn, I missed out on the joys of being a child because my innocence was taken.

As a woman, a lot of my healing comes from a mixture of self medication and learning the art of forgiveness for myself and those that hurt me. I'm still very anti social and coping with depression, but I'm more accepting of my womanhood.
Click to expand...

Whoa! Thank you for sharing and thank you for your honesty. It's a great thing you're more accepting of your womanhood now. I hope one day you will be able to fully embrace your womanhood in a way that is fulfilling to you.

And forgiveness is usually difficult but is a very powerful act, especially for self. But in what ways do/did you self medicate if you don't mind sharing?
 
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