One of my (unchangeable) principles... Can't have a relationship with a man who doesn't play an active role in their kid's life.
Last weekend, thinking bout a vacay and my lil cuz i ain't seen in almost a decade. So after many years, I got my one of uncles number.
Called him up and straight up told him, his ex-wife's vindictive ways aren't an excuse for being an absent father (really dropped some truth bombs)... Ex left with the kid about 7yrs ago (She's 11 now).
Told me he appreciated it, and would make an effort. I chose to be optimistic and actually believed him. Called me up this evening to say he got in touch with his ex, spoke to his daughter, plans to make regularly trips to spend time with her. Even sent me some of her recent pics, I'm in bliss right now, I don't need no dro.
It's f*cked up how after many years, it really took my forthrightness to get him to fix up and play his part. Clearly doesn't have any man in his life, he respects and/or tells him what he needs to hear, rather want to hear (I could never be that person).
I say this 'cause over the years, my mum has repeatedly said the same to him but it just hit's different when it comes from a man that is respected, particularly on this kinda topic.
As men (and even women), it's important we have a relationship with at least one positive, well-functioning or wise man (ideally and hopefully for y'all, a father is one of them)
Someone that we admire, respect or cherish so when they offer an advice or constructive criticism, the message is retained rather than overlooked and lost.
Be that figure in the life of those you care about...