"Emotional" Cheating
- Thread starter Goldie
- Start date
it was more for Chi, but you know me and you good money
I see purple, yellow, green and blue but I'm not taking a cheater back. You will and that's cool but I gotta be too "black and white" cause I choose not to.
Everybody is different.
Everybody is different.
and this was explained in all my posts for the reasoning behind my inability to take that person back..i've said in multiple posts, it isn't about just the act in itself it's all about the lying to themselves and their s/o that happens along the way....
it's all connected, and i explained it the whole way....the main reason it would be difficult for me to be with or trust a cheater, is because i would feel they are incapable of holding themselves accountable for their wrongs, they're not to be trusted, and ultimately, the levels of dishonesty they'll adapt to in order to support delusion.....those are all characteristics i cannot have at my side in all things....and if you're to be my s/o you will be at my side in all things......you have to be of true and honest character...we all fuck up, but be honest about it.....
which is why my wife said she'd be more understanding towards a "i got drunk" moment vs a prolonged affair.....
which in my case i don't fuck with either, because even in an "i got drunk" moment, there was still some choices and decisions made along the way that i would not be able to sit well with.....frankly because i am not a fan of ultimatums and not substance that should have that much control over your decision making process, and if it does, you should be self aware enough to limit your consumption....
that kinda lack of self control again bothers me in matter of having someone by my side in all things
and saying "everything is an absolute' is just as broad as what you're pointing....
i'm not saying "everything" is an absolute, nor am i saying "everything" is black and white....
we're talking in exact specifics on an specific topic.......
cheating is wrong.
cheating is not right
those are two absolutes....and i stand 100% behind those two particular absolutes.....
and i feel that any justification, or spin, or exception to those two absolutes begin with a lie to one's self, desperation to justify that lie, and a conditioning of circumstances that people feel are out of their control leading them to those otherwise irrefutable wrongs
ultimately denial.
and like i said earlier, denial is more appealing that guilt....
cuz people hate saying "i was wrong, this was on me, there was no excuse." if anything......THAT'S ego
i'm not saying "everything" is an absolute, nor am i saying "everything" is black and white....
we're talking in exact specifics on an specific topic.......
cheating is wrong.
cheating is not right
those are two absolutes....and i stand 100% behind those two particular absolutes.....
and i feel that any justification, or spin, or exception to those two absolutes begin with a lie to one's self, desperation to justify that lie, and a conditioning of circumstances that people feel are out of their control leading them to those otherwise irrefutable wrongs
ultimately denial.
and like i said earlier, denial is more appealing that guilt....
cuz people hate saying "i was wrong, this was on me, there was no excuse." if anything......THAT'S ego
so then you dont feel a person could truly be remorseful then?
where does it end?
if she says she sorry she forgot to call you when she made it to her destination?
if she says she sorry for not including you in a decision?
if she says she sorry for talking to you in a disrespectful manner during an arguement?
just posted my response, but i ask again, since you wanted to elaborate some more, then what is forgivable?
if someone acknowledges that they were acting selfishly and that they were truly remorseful and this was a one time thing...does that not mean ANYTHING??
lost in all this is the fact that in MOST cases...where there is an act of infidelity (physical or emotional), both parties have contributed to it. People are still responsible for the decisions that they have made b/c no one has made you decide to look outside of the relationship, however, to deny that the offended/wronged person didnt play a role in the demise of the relationship is just silly to me
of course you can be remorseful.
but cause does have effect.....i teach it to my son all the time....you can be sorry all day, but that does not unbreak the plate.
nor does being sorry allow you to go back in time to take the proper precautions to ensure that you do not break the plate....
people have to be aware of their decision making process,
carelessness has it's consequences...
people have to stop trying to avoid the consequences of their actions...
she may be sorry she didn't call when she faced her destination, but that doesn't change the fact that her dude may have an attitude cuz he was legit worried about her safe arrival.....he went through that, he experienced, and sorry doesn't erase that.....he may get over it, but if he has an attitude"i said sorry" doesn't erase that...you earned that attitude, now deal with it
whatever you do or don't do, you have to be 100% prepared to deal with the consequences that accompany it, or you're just not operating in the real world.....
who is saying the contrary though?
relationships take two people two make it work,that is true,
but when one of those people introduce a 3rd person, they are the one that ultimately disrupted any chances of reconcile.....
there are many problems that two people can work through.....adding another person to the mix happens to not be one of them
EXACTLY!!!
if someone is cheating because they feel the relationship is already over.... THEN FUCKING END IT!!!!
its not victim blaming, its acknowledging that both parties played a role in the state of the relationship
its you taking ownership for shit that you have done, and its them for taking ownership for shit they have done
its NOT saying, well, i did this b/c you did that
its that simple huh?
are we talking about all levels of relationships or just someone you have been dating and you dont have papers on them?
if it's not that simple then it's being complicated in rationale to make oneself feel better......
its not, but you got it