Welcome To aBlackWeb

Register

COMMUNITY A Black Lounge

Status
Not open for further replies.
The Lonious Monk said:
I hear that, but there is a difference between wearing clothes that basically show everything, and that's what so.

Also, it's fair to say that you know what kinda chick you getting, but I do think that behavior should change in some cases when you're exclusive with a person. Like a dude has no right to tell a chick what to wear they they have no relationship or just casually dating, but the question is, shouldn't he have the right to weigh-in when the two are exclusive.

I'm not so much talking about Russel and Ciara though. This is meant to be a general question. I don't know what kinda agreements they have behind closed doors.
Click to expand...
At the bolded. This is an issue with alot of relationships and tend to fail. People try to change their partner and that change is usually one of the things that got them together. Cant go in a relationship expecting a person to change, things they like doing, for you (not you exactly).

Lets say I met a woman who is a doctor. She enjoys what she does. And has a crazy work schedule. I knew this when I first met her but still decided to move forward to something better. Lets say I never liked her crazy schedule but I went along with it because I wanted to be with her. Now we decided to be an actual couple. It would be unfair of me to tell her to change her schedule because I want more time together. She was like this before me, and during our first few dates so I should expect life with her to be like this.
 
Tayboo said:
Entitled to control...no. You should take your S/O's feelings into consideration, but why would you want to change me if this is how you met me? If there isn't a conversation about how I dress or what the expectation is before I commit, then it feels like an ultimatum and I don't do well with those.
Click to expand...

Change is inevitable though. No one gets into a relationship and acts 100% the way you they did when they were single. I understand not wanting to be changed, but it's natural to be accepting of things when you're just pursuing someone that aren't cool when you feel like that person is yours.

loud-ninja said:
At the bolded. This is an issue with alot of relationships and tend to fail. People try to change their partner and that change is usually one of the things that got them together. Cant go in a relationship expecting a person to change, things they like doing, for you (not you exactly).

Lets say I met a woman who is a doctor. She enjoys what she does. And has a crazy work schedule. I knew this when I first met her but still decided to move forward to something better. Lets say I never liked her crazy schedule but I went along with it because I wanted to be with her. Now we decided to be an actual couple. It would be unfair of me to tell her to change her schedule because I want more time together. She was like this before me, and during our first few dates so I should expect life with her to be like this.
Click to expand...

That's fair, but you have to compromise and evolve to maintain relationships. Nothing stays the same forever. A chick might have been cool with a dude working a late night job that kept him out all night when it was just them, but when kids come along it's fair for her to ask him to find something more convenient for the family.

If you're completely resistant to change for either your partner or life's circumstances, you probably shouldn't even get into a relationship because compromise is part of the package to some extent.
 
Loquacious said:
No. Being with someone doesn’t give you control over them. It just means their insight means more now and their opinions or whatnot are taken into consideration.
Click to expand...

Maybe I'm using control a little differently than you guys. To me being able to express your wishes about what someone else does and having a reasonable expectation that those wishes will be followed or at least heard is a degree of control especially when the status of the relationship can depend on whether or not the partners respects those wishes.

A dude might want to cheat everyday. If he doesn't because he knows his chick would drop him if she find out, she has some degree of control there. He's making the choice not to cheat, but that choice is predicated on her wishes.
 
I get what you’re saying but I don’t think control is the correct term or maybe it is. I feel it’s not necessarily you having control but moreso your thoughts are now something to consider because they obviously care now. If I was in the situation and my dude is expressing how something I’m wearing makes him feel uncomfortable, I would take his thoughts into consideration and possibly change. However, if he blatantly be like you ain’t wearing that, you wearing this…now it’s controlling and that’s an issue.
 
Loquacious said:
I get what you’re saying but I don’t think control is the correct term or maybe it is. I feel it’s not necessarily you having control but moreso your thoughts are now something to consider because they obviously care now. If I was in the situation and my dude is expressing how something I’m wearing makes him feel uncomfortable, I would take his thoughts into consideration and possibly change. However, if he blatantly be like you ain’t wearing that, you wearing this…now it’s controlling and that’s an issue.
Click to expand...

I get the distinction you're making. That's cool.

It's funny because I know chicks that are like the opposite. Like they ain't doing shit a nigga say unless he makes it a command. It's a wild weird world out there.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top