This Clip on Black Love Been Making the Rounds on IG. What Yall Think?

[shutupGabi]

This the clip I saw first that I wana hear yalls takes on.


For you uncultured swine, that's Nikki Giovanni and James Baldwin.
Nikki and James went more in depth about how they each felt as a woman and a man, but that clip is kinda the jist of it.

Here's the vid of the whole conversation for context. That part in the clip starts around 1 hr 15 but they were talking on that subject for like 30-40 mins prior. Do yourselves a favor and watch all of it when you get a chance.

 

[DOS_patos]

shots fired at uncultured swines.

but imma give it a listen

 

[DOS_patos]

i get what shes saying.....

dont fake all day and come home giving her your ass to kiss.

this is a major problem in alot of relationships.

kinda goes into a thread i once made about people showing more loyalty to their job and career and being loyal to their loved one. alot of people bring their work frustrations home and become paralyzed and it creates a dark cloud over the house around the time you should arrive home.

that shit aint cool.
who deserves the best of you?
the world or your wife?

Great fucking point

 

[JUDAH]

This the clip I saw first that I wana hear yalls takes on.


For you uncultured swine, that's Nikki Giovanni and James Baldwin.
Nikki and James went more in depth about how they each felt as a woman and a man, but that clip is kinda the jist of it.

Here's the vid of the whole conversation for context. That part in the clip starts around 1 hr 15 but they were talking on that subject for like 30-40 mins prior. Do yourselves a favor and watch all of it when you get a chance.

I think during those times what she said was true. But i think it was the fact that men were constantly emasculated in public and were most vulnerable with those that they loved....and men werent so nice to women in the 60's & 70's. A lot of men were abusive, physically and emotionally.

But on the other side of what she was was saying, money and being a provider is the issue. Men in a lot of cases had to sacrfice their pride in order to keep a "good job" so they could provide. Fighting a constant internal battle when away from home, then having to deal with the normal peaks and valleys of a relationship is stressful. But to look at your spouse as just another stressor as opposed to your biggest support system is wild to me.

I say that to say both men and women, especially married black ones, need to come to an understanding of what our individual battles in this world actually are. We have to learn to be able to step outside of the self serving man/woman deep down wothin oursleves and be able to see the world from the eyes of our "better" half. I put better in quotes because we each come together in all our strengths and weaknesses. We have to be able to use those individual strenghts to help build and uplift our partners so until those weaknesses become null in void. Be supportive and patient with each other. When you find someone you love enough to want to take what is supposed to be a lifelong journey, it comes with ups and downs. We just have to have each others backs, end of story.

 

[DOS_patos]

I think during those times what she said was true. But i think it was the fact that men were constantly emasculated in public and were most vulnerable with those that they loved....and men werent so nice to women in the 60's & 70's. A lot of men were abusive, physically and emotionally.

But on the other side of what she was was saying, money and being a provider is the issue. Men in a lot of cases had to sacrfice their pride in order to keep a "good job" so they could provide. Fighting a constant internal battle when away from home, then having to deal with the normal peaks and valleys of a relationship is stressful. But to look at your spouse as just another stressor as opposed to your biggest support system is wild to me.

I say that to say both men and women, especially married black ones, need to come to an understanding of what out individual battles in this world are. Be supportive and patient with each other. When you find someone you love enough to want to take what is supposed to be a lifelong journey, it comes with ups and downs. We just have to have each others backs, end of story.

the redemption post of the year.

this should be its own thread.

i have seen black men emasculated by their woman because of how things ended up for him without understanding all the tangibles a black man has to go thru. he must navigate in a world that hated him and sees him as not belonging at every turn. its harder for us to find jobs, we have to control our temperament, and our own constantly testing our manhood over trivial shit.
but then again black women have been used in ways other women dont. they are overlooked and seen as bitchy because they raise their voice to be heard but no one points out that her voice has been ignored.

smdh

 

[AP2.5]

I think during those times what she said was true. But i think it was the fact that men were constantly emasculated in public and were most vulnerable with those that they loved....and men werent so nice to women in the 60's & 70's. A lot of men were abusive, physically and emotionally.

But on the other side of what she was was saying, money and being a provider is the issue. Men in a lot of cases had to sacrfice their pride in order to keep a "good job" so they could provide. Fighting a constant internal battle when away from home, then having to deal with the normal peaks and valleys of a relationship is stressful. But to look at your spouse as just another stressor as opposed to your biggest support system is wild to me.

I say that to say both men and women, especially married black ones, need to come to an understanding of what out individual battles in this world are. Be supportive and patient with each other. When you find someone you love enough to want to take what is supposed to be a lifelong journey, it comes with ups and downs. We just have to have each others backs, end of story.

Good shit judah

 

[shutupGabi]

I think during those times what she said was true. But i think it was the fact that men were constantly emasculated in public and were most vulnerable with those that they loved....and men werent so nice to women in the 60's & 70's. A lot of men were abusive, physically and emotionally.

But on the other side of what she was was saying, money and being a provider is the issue. Men in a lot of cases had to sacrfice their pride in order to keep a "good job" so they could provide. Fighting a constant internal battle when away from home, then having to deal with the normal peaks and valleys of a relationship is stressful. But to look at your spouse as just another stressor as opposed to your biggest support system is wild to me.

I say that to say both men and women, especially married black ones, need to come to an understanding of what out individual battles in this world are. Be supportive and patient with each other. When you find someone you love enough to want to take what is supposed to be a lifelong journey, it comes with ups and downs. We just have to have each others backs, end of story.

Yea james countered with that point too. I'm paraphrasing, but he basically said that something is gonna suffer in a black man's world and that's either gonna be his family or his job/work (in the context of what nikki said about "lying"). And his job/work CANT be the thing that suffers because without that hes not a man and if he's not a man then he cant be there for a family.

 

[shutupGabi]

i get what shes saying.....

dont fake all day and come home giving her your ass to kiss.

this is a major problem in alot of relationships.

kinda goes into a thread i once made about people showing more loyalty to their job and career and being loyal to their loved one. alot of people bring their work frustrations home and become paralyzed and it creates a dark cloud over the house around the time you should arrive home.

that shit aint cool.
who deserves the best of you?
the world or your wife?

Great fucking point

There was another point she made where a guy wont come around if he finds out his girl is pregnant cuz he can't buy a crib for the baby or whatever. And she said you didnt need money to sleep with her so why do you now need it to be present.

They were both saying shit that I never considered. Like a lot of times women will be willing to work through brokeness cuz yall both broke so it's nothing new and yall will find a way. But manhood dictates that you offer something to women and if you cant give something a lot of dudes will opt for nothing. And that's not say that men are wrong necessarily, but it shows how men and women keep.....idk...missing each other. Like a package comes but you not there to sign for it. It's easy af for us (men and women) to be where we not seeing eye to eye but it's very hard to get back on one accord.

 

[JUDAH]

the redemption post of the year.

this should be its own thread.

i have seen black men emasculated by their woman because of how things ended up for him without understanding all the tangibles a black man has to go thru. he must navigate in a world that hated him and sees him as not belonging at every turn. its harder for us to find jobs, we have to control our temperament, and our own constantly testing our manhood over trivial shit.
but then again black women have been used in ways other women dont. they are overlooked and seen as bitchy because they raise their voice to be heard but no one points out that her voice has been ignored.

smdh

Exactly.

And i dont want my post to seem as if im caping for men. A lot of us allow our circumstances to be an excuse for being POS.

My maternal grandfather definitley fell in that space of men they were talking about. He worked 2-3 jobs. He was a very stern yet loving man. But at my mother was the youngest of 4 and most of what i know about his abusive behavior is second hand stories because by the time i was born and have memories of him he was in his 60's. I think with time, he matured and realized his demons and worked to correct the mistakes. But the damage was done, and the oldest, who was my uncle, had real issues with my grandfather and it affected who he became....thats a story for another thread tho.

But ultimately as black men, i feel we HAVE to learn to become the rock for a family in a society that teaches us we aint s**t. And that means loving and protecting our women, who our biggest ally, comforter and confidant.

I didnt really dive into what women go through because im a man. My wife and what we talk about is a window into that world for me, but we are one unit of the millions across the world. So our ondovidual struggles may not be the same as others. I think we need some women to post in here.


Dope thread tho @shutupGabi

 

[DOS_patos]

Yea james countered with that point too. I'm paraphrasing, but he basically said that something is gonna suffer in a black man's world and that's either gonna be his family or his job/work (in the context of what nikki said about "lying"). And his job/work CANT be the thing that suffers because without that hes not a man and if he's not a man then he cant be there for a family.

and this is when it comes back to the woman.....

when she said lie to me and i took the time to understand her point......man oh man...my nipples got hard.
what i took from that is.....i love you and dont want the worse you. if we all have to fall back and figure it out for you to be the man for our family...i rather you be that than to be weak for anyone.
that shit fucked my head up.
simple because how many women can still look at a man as a man and treat him like a man if he can not provide because he doesnt want his pride to suffer at a job where people hate him which in turn fucks up the family dynamic.

for her or any woman to understand this......whew......that can make a man feel like he can conquer anything.

whos cutting onions?

 

[DOS_patos]

Exactly.

And i dont want my post to seem as if im caping for men. A lot of us allow our circumstances to be an excuse for being POS.

My maternal grandfather definitley fell in that space of men they were talking about. He worked 2-3 jobs. He was a very stern yet loving man. But at my mother was the youngest of 4 and most of what i know about his abusive behavior is second hand stories because by the time i was born and have memories of him he was in his 60's. I think with time, he matured and realized his demons and worked to correct the mistakes. But the damage was done, and the oldest, who was my uncle, had real issues with my grandfather and it affected who he became....thats a story for another thread tho.

But ultimately as black men, i feel we HAVE to learn to become the rock for a family in a society that teaches is we aint s**t. And that means loving and protecting our women, who our biggest ally, comforter and confidant.

I didnt really dive into what women go through because im a man. My wife and what we talk about is a window into that world for me, but we are one unit of the millions across the world. So our ondovidual struggles may not be the same as others. I think we need some women to post in here.


Dope thread tho @shutupGabi

true....i always feel its a lack of understanding and wanting what someone else has.

i often see women going at dudes for not giving them the life they deserve...that turns to resentment. but then has anyone ever thought...what does "life you deserve" even mean?
because when you think about it...alot of black men are not given the same opportunities as white dudes. so when they see them living a certain type of life....you cant place that burden on your man because he has enough burdens without being compared to someone with hardly no system against him.

two couples i met while in europe. both amercian black couples. both followed their women here.
after about 5 months one couple started divorce proceedings and the second, the wife asked him to go back to the states to get work. neither one of the guys could find work here. so they chicks looked at them like "why am i taking care of you". my wife kept trying to explain to them that its hard for black men. but the chicks didnt want to hear it. but both men quit their jobs to follow their women and support them hoping to find a job...but the women didnt support them in return. they didnt understand the circumstances and the tangibles. the ones that got divorced..dude took care of her since college. but now she drops him. the other couple...they both went back to the states and got shit right.
i say all that to say....we need more understanding and patience. we need to be realistic about things we can have and where we can go. you can get there but you must undestand someone may have to start from the bottom again. with support...it means nothing to start over and can make you stronger. but the lack of support makes dudes look at chicks a certain way.

i try to support my wife in anyway i can. i know her job is hard and i know culturally euros have a hard time following a black woman and i see and understand her frustrations. i let her vent and encourage her to keep pushing. but what if i didnt? shit would be fucked up. having to deal with shit at work, on her way home and then in the house? thats not right.

home should always be a safe place.
if its not.....you cant expect a dude to be loyal or care too much about how you feel.

i would like to hear the chicks side of things too.....

im loving this thread

 

[Chicity]

Just so I'm clear..... we're still passing on white women right?

 

[AP2.5]

dos could've left out the part about his erect nipples

but i agree with everything else

smh

 

[JUDAH]

Just so I'm clear..... we're still passing on white women right?

With your track record you cant ask this question.

Ion know if any of them pass the brown paper bag test.

 

[shutupGabi]

Just so I'm clear..... we're still passing on white women right?

Funny you should bring up white women...cuz I been listening to some old patrice o'neal shows and different shit he been on and i listened to an ep yesterday of him on Peter Rosenberg (cant stand him) and cipha sounds...if you familiar with patrice then you already know he dont hold no punches about men and women. But he was talking about the difference between black women and white women and he said black women's payoff is on the back end while white women's is on the front end. So dudes will run to white women cuz they're easier to approach and deal with in the beginning. But black women will love you deeper and be more loyal to you once you make it past the bullshit in the beginning lol.

He likened it to taking time to make a home cooked meal and how it's more satisfying but if you need to eat right quick for the moment you throw something in the microwave.

The gawd told yall 10 yrs ago...

 

[Chicity]

With your track record you cant ask this question.

Ion know if any of them pass the brown paper bag test.

But they weren't white tho....

 

[shutupGabi]

and this is when it comes back to the woman.....

when she said lie to me and i took the time to understand her point......man oh man...my nipples got hard.
what i took from that is.....i love you and dont want the worse you. if we all have to fall back and figure it out for you to be the man for our family...i rather you be that than to be weak for anyone.
that shit fucked my head up.
simple because how many women can still look at a man as a man and treat him like a man if he can not provide because he doesnt want his pride to suffer at a job where people hate him which in turn fucks up the family dynamic.

for her or any woman to understand this......whew......that can make a man feel like he can conquer anything.

whos cutting onions?

@GrumpyOldGuy
Def gotta watch the whole convo when you get some time. I can count on one hand the times I've legit been thankful for social media for pointing me in a direction of something I needed to see that stuck with me. Not a wasted word in that whole damn near 2 hrs.

 

[JUDAH]

Funny you should bring up white women...cuz I been listening to some old patrice o'neal shows and different shit he been on and i listened to an ep yesterday of him on Peter Rosenberg (cant stand him) and cipha sounds...if you familiar with patrice then you already know he dont hold no punches about men and women. But he was talking about the difference between black women and white women and he said black women's payoff is on the back end while white women's is on the front end. So dudes will run to white women cuz they're easier to approach and deal with in the beginning. But black women will love you deeper and be more loyal to you once you make it past the bullshit in the beginning lol.

He likened it to taking time to make a home cooked meal and how it's more satisfying but if you need to eat right quick for the moment you throw something in the microwave.

The gawd told yall 10 yrs ago...

Thats real.

The problem is people trying to be in realtionships and get the upfront benefits without being prepared to take on all the demons the other person has. That's the issue. People (men and women) havent even taken real time to find themselves and deal with the selfish being within before trying to add to that mix. We are literally meant to help each other through this "test". That figurative test is tailored to each individuals life up until the point you add a partner. How can you help someone else when you havent perpared for your own personal test? Lol.

And then in the same scenario, how can you expect a woman/man from a whole different world (race in this example) to understand? Theres always outliers, but may of us cant get it right with those of our own "tribe"......its wild when you really sit down and think about it.

This is just my opinion tho. I see this place different these days tho.

 

[JUDAH]

But they weren't white tho....

Well played

 

[AP2.5]

@GrumpyOldGuy
Def gotta watch the whole convo when you get some time. I can count on one hand the times I've legit been thankful for social media for pointing me in a direction of something I needed to see that stuck with me. Not a wasted word in that whole damn near 2 hrs.

oh so NOW you listening to 2 hr long youtube convos?


just fucking with you gabi hon lol