My Dearest Santa,
My name is Donald Trump, and I’m 74 years old. My address is 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, DC. (It’s the big white house.) I am writing to ask you to overturn the totally rigged U.S. election and declare me President of the United States for another four years.
I have been a good boy all year long. Many people are saying that anyway. I made peace in the Middle East, got a vaccine delivered in RECORD time, and even helped Melania in her garden. If anyone deserves to be President, it’s me-- not Sleepy Joe Biden, who has been a naughty cheater and fraud all year long.
My friend Mike Pence says that you’re not real, but I still believe in you. I know you bought that house for Susan Walker and that awesome BB gun for Ralphie Parker. I’m sure that you can make me president too.
If I’m reelected, I promise to never ask you for anything ever again. (Except maybe some new golf clubs.)
Your best friend, maybe ever,
President Donald J. Trump
P.S. As a bonus, I promise to make fewer flights in Air Force One to fight global warming so your house at the North Pole doesn’t melt.
P.P.S. If you happen to have a gift for Melania in your bag, please bring it along. I haven’t been able to get to Walmart to get her something since I got sick in October.
P.P.P.S. If you’re able to drop some beautiful, clean coal in Nancy Pelosi’s stocking, I won’t stop you.