Yall don't need a therapist to be open and honest with each other
Start with what each of yall need and taking a realistic look at if it's something yall can give each other. Or want to give. No arguing but list and time table for yall to continue with a healthy happy relationship
Of course you gotta think kids and assets and material things but the heart of it is really being able to lean on each other with those satisfactions that come externally.
Compromise is real af
I don’t mean to disrespect, but as a man who’s marriage was probably saved by counseling, I say they do need a therapist. It is critical to get counseling if you’re at a breaking point but want to work it out. If you could work it out on your own you already would have.
A therapist is really someone that acts as a 3rd party that can help you understand one another without all of the built up emotions over the years. Y’all already have your preconceptions of one another and that is very hard to look past without one.
Let me give you a real example. I’m rarely this open on here but hopefully this helps you out. Early in me and my wife’s marriage she had a drinking problem. So bad it pushed us to the brink on many occasions. She eventually quit cold turkey and has been sober ever since, but we were still having major issues because of the trauma from that period. Mainly because I was holding a grudge and blaming her for our issues.
You know what my therapist helped me see? That my wife was also hurting during that period! She was dealing with a debilitating addiction that she desperately wanted to give up but couldn’t. And she saw the pain and hurt it was bringing but was almost powerless.
That immediately changed my perception of that entire period of our lives. I began to have compassion for what my wife went through during that time instead of anger. I was so ashamed of how I’d blamed her and resented her and for all the harsh words I used back then. Brought me to tears, for real.
Needless to say, we started therapy over a year ago and have never been happier together. We started out weekly, then moved to bi-weekly, then monthly. Of course we still have our moments, but nowhere near what we used to because now we understand one another better and can break the cycle early.
So if you really want to keep her, and she wants to keep you, seek out a therapist. We have a black woman who is awesome, so I’d suggest someone who can understand y’all and where y’all come from.