Yeah its almost like I didnt have a regular childhood or something. Like I didnt have a safe environment to explore regular human interactions. Like I was forced to percieve everything as a threat cause those that would normally be a security blanket for me were perpetrating hostile acts both emotionally and physical against me. Like i had absolutely no safe zone.
Like I had to figure out what was going on around me with the mind of a child with very little experience.
Like I had to learn to protect myself at all times and it gave me hostile instincts i have to learn to fight every day.
Like I've finally have been able to slowly turn off survival mode and notice the innocence in others.
Like not knowing how normal shit feel that yall take for granted having ya mother hug you and tell you they love you.
Like having the grandmother who was your guardian having a stroke and not caring.
Like getting a text early in the morning and thinking it's from your cousin saying that ur grandma is dead and it puts a smile on ur face.
Like knowing that ain't normal..
Like having to take fucking medication to not be a fucking sociopath, just to feel actuall feeling towards your own god damn children
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Almost like that