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Let's Take This Forum To The Next Level....Vulnerability

NeighborhoodNomad said:
Y'all in here doin way too much and goin to extremes.

Maybe I'm reading this wrong but the woman said she don't like her daughter's boyfriend because he was blowing up his girl's phone up on Thanksgiving. She didn't say he was abusive, she said she HOPE he's not and that she wants him dead or maimed and here y'all come strokin her hair with comfort and crazy advise.

I don't mean to lack empathy towards BAs situation. No woman should be in an abusive relationship ever. And abusers deserve all that but to compare blowing up someone's phone to abuse is a mockery to those who are and are survivors of mental and physical abuse.
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I said the guy i was seeing was blowing up my phone. Itd been like 2wks. Wtf would you be at my family dinner? But hes blowing up my phone harassing me about when I'm gonna be done.
 
NeighborhoodNomad said:
He don't wanna be with his girl on a holiday too? She didn't say it was an everyday thing she said it was Thanksgiving. Now I don't agree with blowing up anyone's phone unless it's an emergency so I'm not condoning that but to put it in the category of abuse is extreme imo.

And I've never heard of not liking a parent to be a sign of abuse. A parent not liking the person their child is dating or the girlfriend/boyfriend not liking a parent is common. Abuse is also common but I don't know if there's a link. There may be studies on this and I would definitely be interested in the results.

And 9 years might be a gap as far as generationally but I don't know that it's a sign of abuse. It's not like he snatched up a little girl and is reprogramming her mind. Based on the information we were given these are 2 young adults in a consentual relationship.
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I kept things short but the guy I was seeing blew up my phone everyday until I cut that shit off. No need to for that kinda behavior.

There are many details that haven't been added, statements hes made etc that lead me to believe my daughter's bf very well could turn physical abusive. I feel like you didnt read my posts very well :(
 
konceptjones said:
An s/o claiming to not like the parents or not being liked by the parents is a first step towards isolation. "C'mon now, you know your folks don't fuck with me, I don't wanna go over there" is how it starts, then that person starts manipulating their s/o and putting them at odds with their parents, which eventually leads to isolating them from family.

As far as the age gap goes, it raises an eyebrow on my end especially when we're talking very early 20's with a 30+ year old because I've gone through some shit with that type of scenario personally.
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Hes already made suggestions to move to another city, wants her phone on his plan, she has to text every half hour, cant have friends, not allowed to work. He is definitely trying to isolate her.
 
B_A said:
Hes already made suggestions to move to another city, wants her phone on his plan, she has to text every half hour, cant have friends, not allowed to work. He is definitely trying to isolate her.
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Have any idea why your child puts up with this? How is her relationship with her pops?
 
B_A said:
I kept things short but the guy I was seeing blew up my phone everyday until I cut that shit off. No need to for that kinda behavior.

There are many details that haven't been added, statements hes made etc that lead me to believe my daughter's bf very well could turn physical abusive. I feel like you didnt read my posts very well :(
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I misread. I apologize.

I know you have your reasons for feeling the way you do but did you ask your daughter if he's ever been abusive to her? Has she expressed being unhappy in her relationship? Has she expressed fear of leaving him? Has she expressed feeling trapped with him? Does he threaten her or disrespect her? Also have you confronted him?

If you've let your daughter know you're there for her and you let her boyfriend know your expectations for your daughter and that there will be irreparable consequences for violating her you've done your job. Just continue to be in her life and show her you're there for her.
 
huey said:
Have any idea why your child puts up with this? How is her relationship with her pops?
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I got some pretty good ideas, as mentioned I'm not trying to get too detailed about things, but they are major contributing factors to why she puts up with it. No real male figures in her life cuz just push men away anyway, and I don't hang out with males so like its fucked all around.. I hate god has given me this life, having to gather proper life tools waaaaay late in the game.... I would curse god but I dont got the balls for that...I just try and not make any more mistakes and do better every moment I'm aware.. I want outta this karmic circus..
 
And I apologize again if this comes across as callous because that isn't the intention but you say you believe your daughter's boyfriend is a potential psychopath but @B_A your whole vibe has always been on on that "psychopathic" wave. That's kinda the online persona you created. You seem to be into that dark energy with the butcher knives and your posting style.

So if you're anything like your online persona and if your other daughter got you worrying about how crazy she can get cuz she's on some other shit too (all due respect) then it would make sense if she left a home where her mother and her sister are on a psychopathic wave to a boyfriend who's on a psychopathic wave. She's just going to what she knows and is used to.

From a distance it looks like she's going from one "psychopath" to another.

If you want out of this karmic circus you might have to acknowledge that this is karma, or a direct cause and effect of your own actions.

I don't mean any of that with malice.
 
I'm in a career headache.

I feel like my company over pays me, so they're trying to annoy me until I quit.

Only problem is, my skill set us very job specific, and outside of my company... None of the field gets paid what I do...

Like essentially, my job translates as a combination of print specialist, mail room supervisor, customer service rep, help desk rep....


Which makes me ideal for my company b which is why I kept getting nice bumps in pay...

But outside of the company, no one will match my salary for any one of those jobs individually. Like I couldn't apply anywhere as a mail room supervisor and demand my current pay... I'd be out pricing myself....


So I mean I could just suck it up and deal with it and tough out this crazy shit my job putting me thru...

But my ego is telling me this treatment is an insult to my character. Like I'm legit pissed and feel like walking, but I really gotta do some serious witchcraft to my resume if I want to at the least break even....

But even then, I'm throwing away 12 years.... So is it really a win to leave?
 
NeighborhoodNomad said:
I misread. I apologize.

I know you have your reasons for feeling the way you do but did you ask your daughter if he's ever been abusive to her? Has she expressed being unhappy in her relationship? Has she expressed fear of leaving him? Has she expressed feeling trapped with him? Does he threaten her or disrespect her? Also have you confronted him?

If you've let your daughter know you're there for her and you let her boyfriend know your expectations for your daughter and that there will be irreparable consequences for violating her you've done your job. Just continue to be in her life and show her you're there for her.
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If she was I feel like she would lie about it(she lied about living with him, how controlling and he is, about not seeing him again while sneaking around seeing him again), her phone is always unlocked so I don't text her questions askin if he hit her I just keep my eyes open for signs if it, like odd bruises she wasnt getting before. I think this way cuz things shes told me he has said or behaved during arguments. She is aware of the signs of an abusive relationship, she knows what is going down rn, which is another reason I'm pulling my friggin hair out. How do help someone who runs towards danger?

I do have a brother but we dont speak anymore, it's a long ass story of another hand-me-down family curse. That I'd rather not get into.
 
Duwop said:
I'm in a career headache.

I feel like my company over pays me, so they're trying to annoy me until I quit.

Only problem is, my skill set us very job specific, and outside of my company... None of the field gets paid what I do...

Like essentially, my job translates as a combination of print specialist, mail room supervisor, customer service rep, help desk rep....


Which makes me ideal for my company b which is why I kept getting nice bumps in pay...

But outside of the company, no one will match my salary for any one of those jobs individually. Like I couldn't apply anywhere as a mail room supervisor and demand my current pay... I'd be out pricing myself....


So I mean I could just suck it up and deal with it and tough out this crazy shit my job putting me thru...

But my ego is telling me this treatment is an insult to my character. Like I'm legit pissed and feel like walking, but I really gotta do some serious witchcraft to my resume if I want to at the least break even....

But even then, I'm throwing away 12 years.... So is it really a win to leave?
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I'll double down on that and say that I'm BORED TO TEARS on a daily basis at my job. If I actually focus, I can prolly get my weekly responsibilities done in 10-15 hours a week, not including meetings. Given the company I work for and how long I been working here, I could prolly throw my resume up on LinkedIn and be in a different job within 2 weeks...but am I gonna be able to work at home? Is my schedule gonna be as flexible as it is now? Am I gonna be grossly overpaid for the amount of work I do? will I get RSU stock gifted to me every year, beer bashes, etc, etc, etc.

Nigga basically been in a holding pattern for years now, collecting a big ass check. I recognize how lucky I am, but the shit is trash sometimes.
 
B_A said:
If she was I feel like she would lie about it(she lied about living with him, how controlling and he is, about not seeing him again while sneaking around seeing him again), her phone is always unlocked so I don't text her questions askin if he hit her I just keep my eyes open for signs if it, like odd bruises she wasnt getting before. I think this way cuz things shes told me he has said or behaved during arguments. She is aware of the signs of an abusive relationship, she knows what is going down rn, which is another reason I'm pulling my friggin hair out. How do help someone who runs towards danger?

I do have a brother but we dont speak anymore, it's a long ass story of another hand-me-down family curse. That I'd rather not get into.
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Yeah you just gotta let her take her own journey. All you can do is support her on it and continue to be there for her. Some things we just have to learn for ourselves.
 
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