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Let's Take This Forum To The Next Level....Vulnerability

B_A said:
He knows I wanna cave his skull in. And she knows how I feel and my door is always open. I choose my actions and words carefully cuz I know he wont take it out on me and I don't want him impending my ability to talk with and see her cuz that's my only way of kinda keeping an eye of things. There only two things I love in this world and that's my girls. You take that away and I dont care what I do cuz you'll have taken away the only thing I live for. Dont get me wrong, I have other great things in my life, but nothing compared to children.
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I understand. You definetly got a point cause once you try to get foreful in this situation, shes gonna not wanna talk to you for a while and thats if she doesnt tell him cause if he tells him hes gonna def force her not to talk and see you.

Fucked up situation all around.

Nothing more disgusting than an abusive man, mentally or physically.
 
B_A said:
I wouldn't ask anyone who isnt already affiliated with risky behavior to jeopardize their freedom and livelihood like that.
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He wouldn't really have to hurt him.


Just put a little bit of fear in him.


Without even getting physical.


I mean, if I was there.........I'd do it myself.


Wouldn't be overtly threatening to him.


Just, say for example, we were at Thanksgiving together like you just talked about.


All I'd do is have a conversation with him.


Ask him how him and your daughter are doing.


And just make subtle hints throughout the conversation that there would be consequences if he gets out of line.


Nothing overt.


Just enough to make him think twice about his behavior.
 
AZTG said:
I understand. You definetly got a point cause once you try to get foreful in this situation, shes gonna not wanna talk to you for a while and thats if she doesnt tell him cause if he tells him hes gonna def force her not to talk and see you.

Fucked up situation all around.

Nothing more disgusting than an abusive man, mentally or physically.
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It's so fucked up on multiple levels cuz I despise abusive men, that's why I've never been an abused woman cuz they've been told straight up, first off, you ever lay a hand on me you better kill me right off the hop cuz I will 100% cave your skull in with a cast iron pan in your sleep. Wont know when either so it's best to kill me.

And my girls grew up knowing how I feel. So like wtf!?!? My youngest? Shes so psycho-white I'd have to race her to his house cuz she has no qualms about ridding the planet of undesirables. That's another story for another year tho. Thank gawd she suffers feelings of guilt or I'd really be scared.

But things are different between the two, like I mentioned, other shit has come to light the past year, without getting to deep into it, so her entire situation and my dread for her future life with partners makes sense in a way. Guess I shouldn't have spend all those years looking down on abused women for not having the mind to get even in the way I would. Now look at the burden I bare : '(

Whew, look at me go being all personal an shit. Sorry yall, its 15yrs of keeping private and aloof coming out.

183424

I just got high, relaxed a bit and I'm ending with an lol. I got a new fish tank and decorations for my beta to set up(whom I call my husband cuz he the best fishy fish ever!!) An he flashy too!
 
deadeye said:
He wouldn't really have to hurt him.


Just put a little bit of fear in him.


Without even getting physical.


I mean, if I was there.........I'd do it myself.


Wouldn't be overtly threatening to him.


Just, say for example, we were at Thanksgiving together like you just talked about.


All I'd do is have a conversation with him.


Ask him how him and your daughter are doing.


And just make subtle hints throughout the conversation that there would be consequences if he gets out of line.


Nothing overt.


Just enough to make him think twice about his behavior.
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You know when you look at a white person and you can tell they're a psychopath? Its kinda like that. Have to play the game differently cuz once they get their hooks into someone it can get deadly if you fuck with them or their shit. 90% of all murders are by someone you know or love. Odds are in his favor, not mine. I've listened to hundreds of podcasts that all start out the exact way this shit is unfolding, and guess who ends up dead all the time? So I'm playing like an empathic sociopath vs. an apathetic psychopath.
 
B_A said:
It's so fucked up on multiple levels cuz I despise abusive men, that's why I've never been an abused woman cuz they've been told straight up, first off, you ever lay a hand on me you better kill me right off the hop cuz I will 100% cave your skull in with a cast iron pan in your sleep. Wont know when either so it's best to kill me.

And my girls grew up knowing how I feel. So like wtf!?!? My youngest? Shes so psycho-white I'd have to race her to his house cuz she has no qualms about ridding the planet of undesirables. That's another story for another year tho. Thank gawd she suffers feelings of guilt or I'd really be scared.

But things are different between the two, like I mentioned, other shit has come to light the past year, without getting to deep into it, so her entire situation and my dread for her future life with partners makes sense in a way. Guess I shouldn't have spend all those years looking down on abused women for not having the mind to get even in the way I would. Now look at the burden I bare : '(

Whew, look at me go being all personal an shit. Sorry yall, its 15yrs of keeping private and aloof coming out.

View attachment 183424

I just got high, relaxed a bit and I'm ending with an lol. I got a new fish tank and decorations for my beta to set up(whom I call my husband cuz he the best fishy fish ever!!) An he flashy too!
Click to expand...
Just be patient and love them regardless. If they know how you feel.....that's all that's important.

As much as you want to "fix".... The time is now to show them love and when they leave...just listen and be open for them.
 
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B_A said:
My oldest has a shit bf. Last year at Thanksgiving I was bitching about this guy I was seeing being jealous, controlling or possessive, blowing up my phone while I'm trying to enjoy the night with my girls and my oldest's bf. Little did I know her bf is a pos who does the same shit to her. Little while later come to find out he dont like ME, most likely cuz I fucking hate jealous possessive pos like I was saying on Thanksgiving.

Scared he's gonna be physically abusive towards her if he's not already. And dont really know what to do about it cuz you cant tell people shit when they think they love somebody. I want him **** or maimed and out of the picture.
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I know you supposed to let adults make own choices but fuck him up. He 9 years older and she early 20s. He can’t get a chick in his age range for a reason
 
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Y'all in here doin way too much and goin to extremes.

Maybe I'm reading this wrong but the woman said she don't like her daughter's boyfriend because he was blowing up his girl's phone up on Thanksgiving. She didn't say he was abusive, she said she HOPE he's not and that she wants him dead or maimed and here y'all come strokin her hair with comfort and crazy advise.

I don't mean to lack empathy towards BAs situation. No woman should be in an abusive relationship ever. And abusers deserve all that but to compare blowing up someone's phone to abuse is a mockery to those who are and are survivors of mental and physical abuse.
 
Hellczar said:
Blowing up her phone on a holiday not liking the parent and being 9 years older are red flags
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He don't wanna be with his girl on a holiday too? She didn't say it was an everyday thing she said it was Thanksgiving. Now I don't agree with blowing up anyone's phone unless it's an emergency so I'm not condoning that but to put it in the category of abuse is extreme imo.

And I've never heard of not liking a parent to be a sign of abuse. A parent not liking the person their child is dating or the girlfriend/boyfriend not liking a parent is common. Abuse is also common but I don't know if there's a link. There may be studies on this and I would definitely be interested in the results.

And 9 years might be a gap as far as generationally but I don't know that it's a sign of abuse. It's not like he snatched up a little girl and is reprogramming her mind. Based on the information we were given these are 2 young adults in a consentual relationship.
 
NeighborhoodNomad said:
He don't wanna be with his girl on a holiday too? She didn't say it was an everyday thing she said it was Thanksgiving. Now I don't agree with blowing up anyone's phone unless it's an emergency so I'm not condoning that but to put it in the category of abuse is extreme imo.

And I've never heard of not liking a parent to be a sign of abuse. A parent not liking the person their child is dating or the girlfriend/boyfriend not liking a parent is common. Abuse is also common but I don't know if there's a link. There may be studies on this and I would definitely be interested in the results.

And 9 years might be a gap as far as generationally but I don't know that it's a sign of abuse. It's not like he snatched up a little girl and is reprogramming her mind. Based on the information we were given these are 2 young adults in a consentual relationship.
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To me, that KINDA is what it's like. Early 20s to early 30s is a huge gap.

I'ma chill though.
 
B_A said:
It's so fucked up on multiple levels cuz I despise abusive men, that's why I've never been an abused woman cuz they've been told straight up, first off, you ever lay a hand on me you better kill me right off the hop cuz I will 100% cave your skull in with a cast iron pan in your sleep. Wont know when either so it's best to kill me.

And my girls grew up knowing how I feel. So like wtf!?!? My youngest? Shes so psycho-white I'd have to race her to his house cuz she has no qualms about ridding the planet of undesirables. That's another story for another year tho. Thank gawd she suffers feelings of guilt or I'd really be scared.

But things are different between the two, like I mentioned, other shit has come to light the past year, without getting to deep into it, so her entire situation and my dread for her future life with partners makes sense in a way. Guess I shouldn't have spend all those years looking down on abused women for not having the mind to get even in the way I would. Now look at the burden I bare : '(

Whew, look at me go being all personal an shit. Sorry yall, its 15yrs of keeping private and aloof coming out.

View attachment 183424

I just got high, relaxed a bit and I'm ending with an lol. I got a new fish tank and decorations for my beta to set up(whom I call my husband cuz he the best fishy fish ever!!) An he flashy too!
Click to expand...

The bolded is so true and why I literally stopped saying never.

Almost everything I said would never happen to me or I would never do ended up happening to me and I did. Shit I judged people for I either saw myself doing or contemplating doing.

Got to the point where I started feeling like a bitch on some damn I cant even keep my word to myself? I thought I said I never do this shit.

Had to just stop saying never and judging mfers
 
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AZTG said:
The bolded is so true and why I literally stopped saying never.

Almost everything I said would never happen to me or I would never do ended up happening to me and I did. Shit I judged people for I either saw myself doing or contemplating doing.

Got to the point where I started feeling like a bitch on some damn I cant even keep my word to myself? I thought I said I never do this shit.

Had to just stop saying never and judging mfers
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This has been my last 3 years or so. Life has a way of humbling people in certain ways.
 
NeighborhoodNomad said:
He don't wanna be with his girl on a holiday too? She didn't say it was an everyday thing she said it was Thanksgiving. Now I don't agree with blowing up anyone's phone unless it's an emergency so I'm not condoning that but to put it in the category of abuse is extreme imo.

And I've never heard of not liking a parent to be a sign of abuse. A parent not liking the person their child is dating or the girlfriend/boyfriend not liking a parent is common. Abuse is also common but I don't know if there's a link. There may be studies on this and I would definitely be interested in the results.

And 9 years might be a gap as far as generationally but I don't know that it's a sign of abuse. It's not like he snatched up a little girl and is reprogramming her mind. Based on the information we were given these are 2 young adults in a consentual relationship.
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An s/o claiming to not like the parents or not being liked by the parents is a first step towards isolation. "C'mon now, you know your folks don't fuck with me, I don't wanna go over there" is how it starts, then that person starts manipulating their s/o and putting them at odds with their parents, which eventually leads to isolating them from family.

As far as the age gap goes, it raises an eyebrow on my end especially when we're talking very early 20's with a 30+ year old because I've gone through some shit with that type of scenario personally.
 
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