is this a red flag for you?

[keemz]

fuck a friend .

 

[Playmaker88]

No thats stupid the quality as far as character >

So much stupid shit goes viral it must be stopped

 

[BlackRain]

What if they dead then what? We have to stop putting our shit on others

I'd be worried about a person's mental health if every good friend they've had has died. That shit sounds traumatic as fuck

 

[Bow to Royalty]

As a self-proclaimed red flag, I find this thread interesting. I've randomly cut contact with nearly every former friend of mine since my early twenties, even the ones who were there for me when no one else was. Most of them were undeserving of it, too. I'm cool with a few people today, but I know that won't last more than two years. I'm asocial and I generally dislike having connections with people. Unless it's in our best interest to be on good terms (cohort, co-workers, etc.), no one should expect much from me in terms of friendships/close relationships. Essentially, we're cool until we don't have to be.

You been diagnosed with anything?

 

[DMorgan]

I'm not sure if that is a red flag.

People who hop crews is definitely a red flag for me though

 

[Bow to Royalty]

I think it's a red flag. Especially as you get older because it doesn't take much to maintain a friendship. People understand you have a life and family, so they don't ask much from you as far as time or resources. Return a call/text, initiate a few convos a year, reach out for major things (having a kid, losing a family member, etc), don't do anything fucked up to them.

If that can't be done you may be too clingy or not care about people around you... or your personality just sucks.

 

[The Lonious Monk]

Nah.

To be honest, I don't have many long lasting friendships like that. I've moved around a bit over the years, and every time I moved I started over when it came to friends. The only reason I have a couple long friendships now is because I've been in the same place for 10+ years now and because a couple dudes I was friends with in undergrad live here now too.

I think it's a red flag. Especially as you get older because it doesn't take much to maintain a friendship. People understand you have a life and family, so they don't ask much from you as far as time or resources. Return a call/text, initiate a few convos a year, reach out for major things (having a kid, losing a family member, etc), don't do anything fucked up to them.

If that can't be done you may be too clingy or not care about people around you... or your personality just sucks.

I don't know if I'd characterize doing those things as maintaining a friendship. I do most of that with people I barely like.

 

[Dwayne]

Nah.

To be honest, I don't have many long lasting friendships like that. I've moved around a bit over the years, and every time I moved I started over when it came to friends. The only reason I have a couple long friendships now is because I've been in the same place for 10+ years now and because a couple dudes I was friends with in undergrad live here now too.



I don't know if I'd characterize doing those things as maintaining a friendship. I do most of that with people I barely like.

I don’t hang out with folks “I barley like” how is that even a thing?

 

[BlackRain]

Thinking a little more with social media making it easier to maintain friendships with people who don't live near you...then I can see why someone would look a little funny not having any long term friends. I say this as someone who is admittedly terrible with keeping in touch with people I'm not directly around. If not for social media some of the people I've kept up with would've been lost friendships

 

[The Lonious Monk]

I don’t hang out with folks “I barley like” how is that even a thing?

Read what he said. Hanging out wasn't listed, but people do it all the time. You don't have to be best buddies with someone to have a conversation with them in a social setting among a group of other people. I'm pretty sure many people on here have someone in their clique that they aren't all that tight with but are associated with because that person is close to others in the clique.

 

[Bow to Royalty]

Nah.

To be honest, I don't have many long lasting friendships like that. I've moved around a bit over the years, and every time I moved I started over when it came to friends. The only reason I have a couple long friendships now is because I've been in the same place for 10+ years now and because a couple dudes I was friends with in undergrad live here now too.



I don't know if I'd characterize doing those things as maintaining a friendship. I do most of that with people I barely like.

Then there was never a friendship there in the first place. I'm talking about maintaining one. I have great friends I'm not calling everyday. I call in and check how them and the family are doing periodically. I call for major events. They do the same. If we're around each other's way, we hit each other up.

I don't do all that with people I barely like. I'm not calling anyone I barely like just to shoot the shit and see how them and their family are doing.

 

[Bow to Royalty]

Thinking a little more with social media making it easier to maintain friendships with people who don't live near you...then I can see why someone would look a little funny not having any long term friends. I say this as someone who is admittedly terrible with keeping in touch with people I'm not directly around. If not for social media some of the people I've kept up with would've been lost friendships

That's what I'm saying. It's easy to keep friends now. Facebook tells you it's their birthday, haha. You can comment and say congrats on their anniversary pictures, kid's pictures, or whatever.

I'm not saying no friendships will kinda fade away, but shit... not all of em.

 

[The Lonious Monk]

Then there was never a friendship there in the first place. I'm talking about maintaining one. I have great friends I'm not calling everyday. I call in and check how them and the family are doing periodically. I call for major events. They do the same. If we're around each other's way, we hit each other up.

I don't do all that with people I barely like. I'm not calling anyone I barely like just to shoot the shit and see how them and their family are doing.

Everybody is different. I ain't saying you have to talk to you friends everyday. I don't. I'm just saying that I wouldn't call someone I only talk to a handful of times a year a great friend.

It's not a knock against anyone. It's just that when you're older, married, and have children, you don't necessarily need it have time for deep friendships with a lot of people.

 

[BlackRain]

Everybody is different. I ain't saying you have to talk to you friends everyday. I don't. I'm just saying that I wouldn't call someone I only talk to a handful of times a year a great friend.

It's not a knock against anyone. It's just that when you're older, married, and have children, you don't necessarily need it have time for deep friendships with a lot of people.

I wouldn't say you don't need it. Everyone needs a life outside of their immediate family. Making time for it does become more challenging as people get older and have more responsibilities in general but to say you don't need friendships is a reach. People aren't meant to be solitary and I'm a firm believer that couples should have friends outside of each other that they can talk to, kick it with whatever...

 

[Bow to Royalty]

Everybody is different. I ain't saying you have to talk to you friends everyday. I don't. I'm just saying that I wouldn't call someone I only talk to a handful of times a year a great friend.

It's not a knock against anyone. It's just that when you're older, married, and have children, you don't necessarily need it have time for deep friendships with a lot of people.

I agree with you if it's always been like that. But let's say I've had a friend for 18 years. Well if after year 12 they move to another state, I wouldn't demote the friendship because we don't talk as often now.

 

[The Lonious Monk]

I wouldn't say you don't need it. Everyone needs a life outside of their immediate family. Making time for it does become more challenging as people get older and have more responsibilities in general but to say you don't need friendships is a reach. People aren't meant to be solitary and I'm a firm believer that couples should have friends outside of each other that they can talk to, kick it with whatever...

I agree, but when you're single you might have 10 people considered close friends and that number might shrink to like two with the rest just being associates after you make a family.

I agree with you if it's always been like that. But let's say I've had a friend for 18 years. Well if after year 12 they move to another state, I wouldn't demote the friendship because we don't talk as often now.

I see where you're coming from, but at the same time if someone was your friend because you counted on A, B, C and D from them on a weekly basis and now 10 years later because of changes in your lives you really only count on them for A and even that only happens 3 or 4 times a year, don't you have to acknowledge that it's not the same relationship?

 

[BlackRain]

I agree, but when you're single you might have 10 people considered close friends and that number might shrink to like two with the rest just being associates after you make a family.



I see where you're coming from, but at the same time if someone was your friend because you counted on A, B, C and D from them on a weekly basis and now 10 years later because of changes in your lives you really only count on them for A and even that only happens 3 or 4 times a year, don't you have to acknowledge that it's not the same relationship?

I'm not saying you gotta have a big ass crew of people...but if a person is of a certain age and they say they have 0 people they consider a friend then that to me is a red flag of that person either being extremely anti social or them possibly being a person people have chosen to distance themselves from. Rarely are people without friends just because they choose to be.

 

[Bow to Royalty]

I agree, but when you're single you might have 10 people considered close friends and that number might shrink to like two with the rest just being associates after you make a family.



I see where you're coming from, but at the same time if someone was your friend because you counted on A, B, C and D from them on a weekly basis and now 10 years later because of changes in your lives you really only count on them for A and even that only happens 3 or 4 times a year, don't you have to acknowledge that it's not the same relationship?

I look at the friendship based on closeness more than what I receive from them.

 

[The Lonious Monk]

I look at the friendship based on closeness more than what I receive from them.

But you ain't all that close if you only talk once every quarter.

Like I said everyone is different but the people you can go long periods of time without even thinking about aren't really friends. Those are associates at best.

 

[16bitSheez]

It’s not a red flag.

Right

u don’t have to be on some Sherlock holmes observations just to detect a “red flag”, just keep it simple and have some sense. Ex: If she a fine female and walks it’s a red flag. Lol .