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OPINION How to feel more comfortable in all white spaces?

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Hide And Seek

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For context, I am the only Black man in my music class and I only have one other Black classmate who is a woman. The rest of the people in my class are white.

Despite growing up in a multicultural city, the only time I had a white friend was in school and he was Polish. The rest of my friends were either Black, Biracial or South Asian.

Now being in university/college, I’m slightly taken aback because I don’t really know how to properly fit in with these people. I was having this convo with my friend (the other Black classmate) yesterday and she said that I need to put myself out there more and engage with the white people in our class although most of them don’t go out of their way to speak to me.

It’s not to say that I don’t speak to them because I have been doing group work with some of them. There is just no friendship or relationship outside of that.
My friend has established a rapport with most of the whites in our class and is able to chill with them, have lengthy convos with them etc.

She is right about engaging more with them but the thing is as a Black man, I feel like I have to go out of my way to appear “non-threatening” or do/say things that will make them comfortable.
I feel like in most cases, cacs will feel more comfortable around certain Black women than a Black man, especially one who isn’t going to coon for them. I am not trying to do that.

Any tips or advice you can give? Thanks in advance.


TL;DR:

- I’m the only Black man alongside a Black woman in an all-white class

- Not used to being in all-white spaces as I had Black, biracial and South Asian friends growing up

- Struggling to fit in with the cacs in my class. Friend tells me to make an effort in engaging with them.

- I have talked to some of the cacs in my class as part of our group work but there is no other relationship between us outside of that meanwhile my friend has managed to build a rapport or relationship with most of them

- Feel like I have to appear as “non-threatening” or go out of my way to make them feel comfortable in order to get to know them more. Definitely not interested in cooning either.
 
I didn't read the whole op so pardon me
if I missed something. Outside of my junior high where I was like 1 of 4 black kids I never did. And even then I was weary. There was a Israeli falafel and pizza spot everyone used to go to for lunch. I did that 2 times, knew I wasn't wanted there by the looks I'd get and vowed to myself never to go back in that mf even tho it's the best falafel I ever had till this day. That was tough as a fat kid mane. After my first year there the kids I fell in with understood and stopped eating there too.

That kind of carried over to high school and adulthood. I just don't put myself in those situations where I have to feel like that willingly. Fuck that.
 
Hide And Seek said:
For context, I am the only Black man in my music class and I only have one other Black classmate who is a woman. The rest of the people in my class are white.

Despite growing up in a multicultural city, the only time I had a white friend was in school and he was Polish. The rest of my friends were either Black, Biracial or South Asian.

Now being in university/college, I’m slightly taken aback because I don’t really know how to properly fit in with these people. I was having this convo with my friend (the other Black classmate) yesterday and she said that I need to put myself out there more and engage with the white people in our class although most of them don’t go out of their way to speak to me.

It’s not to say that I don’t speak to them because I have been doing group work with some of them. There is just no friendship or relationship outside of that.
My friend has established a rapport with most of the whites in our class and is able to chill with them, have lengthy convos with them etc.

She is right about engaging more with them but the thing is as a Black man, I feel like I have to go out of my way to appear “non-threatening” or do/say things that will make them comfortable.
I feel like in most cases, cacs will feel more comfortable around certain Black women than a Black man, especially one who isn’t going to coon for them. I am not trying to do that.

Any tips or advice you can give? Thanks in advance.


TL;DR:

- I’m the only Black man alongside a Black woman in an all-white class

- Not used to being in all-white spaces as I had Black, biracial and South Asian friends growing up

- Struggling to fit in with the cacs in my class. Friend tells me to make an effort in engaging with them.

- I have talked to some of the cacs in my class as part of our group work but there is no other relationship between us outside of that meanwhile my friend has managed to build a rapport or relationship with most of them

- Feel like I have to appear as “non-threatening” or go out of my way to make them feel comfortable in order to get to know them more. Definitely not interested in cooning either.
Click to expand...
I understand where you are coming from, I understand your hesitation and anxiety about the situation you are in. I would ask you to keep being open and post, the group you are speaking to..are not vulnerable enough to speak on that side of being black from a “weaker” in depth viewpoint. A lot of kids from your generation feel this way, y’all are making y’all way through a world that lied to y’all in your infancy, and now the realities are smacking you in the face and it’s making y’all uneasy. Just remember this..just remember this

You..are the danger..in their eyes, don’t feel endangered, be the danger
 
My point was if they see you as a nigga, don’t got outta ya way to not be a nigga. If it was a group of block people and they made you feel away cause you wasn’t street, you wouldn’t start being street. You’d be yourself, cause you don’t feel danger in being yourself. So..don’t put these people on a pedestal..if you think they are afraid of you. Be who you are..and if that scares them, let it scare them. Cause in the situation wit the street dudes, they don’t be any less street to appeal to you. Cause in their eyes you ain’t special.
 
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