Fair or Foul? Woman spews hate towards father

[mryounggun]

How I’m being naive?

If you really wanna have the conversation, I'll tell you.

Specifically this part right here...

Real question,

How many people treat their single mom like this whi works two jobs to house and feed and clothe niggas but not home?

Most will say they got in trouble because mom wasn’t home but where’s the resentment?

I blame the media and bitterness and lack of empathy and sympathy.

In my experience, when its a single mom who has to work two jobs to hold shit down on her own, they usually still do their best to be emotionally available and maintain an emotional connection with the children. We can argue whether that's because women are just more nurturing by nature according to some, or whether its just due to societal expectations.

When dad has to work two jobs, usually there is no real expectation that he also be emotionally available for the children or maintain an emotional connection. So he doesn't. Again, some say that's because my nature men are providers and women are nurturers and some would argue that it's only because society doesn't have that expectation of them. But either way, that's usually how it is.

In short, women don't really have the option to opt out of doing the emotional work with their kids because they have to spend so much time doing the physical work to provide. They're expected to do BOTH.

By and large, men aren't expected to do both.

It's like @King Freeman said. This emotionally available parent thing is a fairly new concept. And its still kind of not really a thing for fathers. It's really sad. But that's just how it is. Really, regardless of whatever hours you're spending working to provide financially for your children, both parents need to make sure that providing emotionally is of equal priority.

I hope that makes sense. Cuz no bullshit, my tincture kicked in just as I started typing.

And no, I'm not saying that mom shouldn't do everything in her power to have his back and make sure the children understand that their father isn't there because he's working and not because he doesn't wanna be. But at the end of the day, it's his responsibility to make sure he forges some kind of relationship with his children, if her wants to have one.

 

[konceptjones]

It's still important to like your children. And you not gonna convince me it's not

You have small, very young kids, it's easy to like them 'cause the whole shit it new, everything is fresh. As they get older, you're going to see what I'm talking about.

But let's say your son dives head first into the streets as he gets older despite what you've taught him. Let's say he's now a stick up kid and known in the neighborhood as such. He done robbed the corner store, done robbed Ms Lerlene for her pearl necklace, and on top of that starts sellin drugs outta your house. Done pulled the strap on you 'cause you found the work and confronted him over it...

Do you still "like" him???

Or will you still LOVE him as your son despite where he ended up in life?

Edit: and @Duwop I genuinely, with every part of my being, don't wish that shit on your child or your family. Don't nobody need to go through that kind of shit.

 

[Bender Rodriguez]

Funny how people read the dad in the tweet didnt like his kids, Some of yall be pulling shit out yall ass from some basic sentences on the net

 

[DOS_patos]

Funny how people read the dad in the tweet didnt like his kids, Some of yall be pulling shit out yall ass from some basic sentences on the net

It never surprises me how quite a few will shit on a man no matter what

If you really wanna have the conversation, I'll tell you.

Specifically this part right here...




In my experience, when its a single mom who has to work two jobs to hold shit down on her own, they usually still do their best to be emotionally available and maintain an emotional connection with the children. We can argue whether that's because women are just more nurturing by nature according to some, or whether its just due to societal expectations.

When dad has to work two jobs, usually there is no real expectation that he also be emotionally available for the children or maintain an emotional connection. So he doesn't. Again, some say that's because my nature men are providers and women are nurturers and some would argue that it's only because society doesn't have that expectation of them. But either way, that's usually how it is.

In short, women don't really have the option to opt out of doing the emotional work with their kids because they have to spend so much time doing the physical work to provide. They're expected to do BOTH.

By and large, men aren't expected to do both.

It's like @King Freeman said. This emotionally available parent thing is a fairly new concept. And its still kind of not really a thing for fathers. It's really sad. But that's just how it is. Really, regardless of whatever hours you're spending working to provide financially for your children, both parents need to make sure that providing emotionally is of equal priority.

I hope that makes sense. Cuz no bullshit, my tincture kicked in just as I started typing.

And no, I'm not saying that mom shouldn't do everything in her power to have his back and make sure the children understand that their father isn't there because he's working and not because he doesn't wanna be. But at the end of the day, it's his responsibility to make sure he forges some kind of relationship with his children, if her wants to have one.

i hear you and everything is on point.
But
It’s a lot that’s left open on why he wasn’t emotionally available.
Yea u can make wild guesses but if we being real most dudes who come home to kids aren’t like that unless it’s something else a foot.
Shit they may not even be his kids for whatever reason, but because he was attached still tried to provide for them but could deal with seeing them an not being reminded of whatever.
That’s why I say, she/they don’t know they full story.

now imagine doing all this for kids who ain’t yours and they treating you like this after all the pain you went thru for them.

Double foul

 

[DOS_patos]

Wait I know she ain’t still living at home …..

If so that makes it even worse to disrespect him in his house

 

[BlackAx410]

@konceptjones i feel the not liking your kids stance you have is kinda harsh

 

[DOS_patos]

@konceptjones i feel the not liking your kids stance you have is kinda harsh

but its realistic

 

[DOS_patos]

i also think a few of yall are not taking into consideration what the kids may like and want and see.

just because you are around dont mean they will like you hen they get older because of some shit they assumed wrong on,

it all sounds nice now.....but things change as people get older

 

[SeaSnake]

I think a balance can be had but kids should stay in a kids place. They don’t know why the dad worked the way he did but I bet they never walked away from the fruits of his labor.
kids process shit as kids and too often it Carries into adulthood.
Did she ever ask why?
Or was being angry and disrespectful enough?
An if she had a brother , he’s a whole hoe.
Like it’s kids who don’t have dads or dads being touchy or abusive and they mad he worked?
Such entitlement.
Both parents are to blame if that’s the case

they mad he spent no time with them to develop a bond lol like you have a bond with your kids right so it ain’t impossible

 

[DMorgan]

I don't know if the voting is public but I'm the lone vote for fair.

LLS this a good thread but so much is being left out and it's funny because its the shit so many of yall complain about damn near daily on here.

 

[SeaSnake]

Facts…..

No the duck it ain’t you see how his kids turned out in that movie. Lol how y’all think just working with no quality time is good enough?

 

[DOS_patos]

every one dont have he option of not working.

niggas talking bout they would rather not have a lot and be with their kids,,,,
like kids forget we used to have our lights cut off or didnt have enough to eat but my parent loved me. said not a lot of people.

 

[DOS_patos]

I don't know if the voting is public but I'm the lone vote for fair.

LLS this a good thread but so much is being left out and it's funny because its the shit so many of yall complain about damn near daily on here.

speak about it den , hoe

 

[DMorgan]

speak about it den , hoe

Naw I'm just here to read the comments on this topic.

 

[DOS_patos]

Naw I'm just here to read the comments on this topic.

ok, respect

 

[#1hiphopjunki3]

Lol damn I’m getting married in March, what’s the downside of it?

Congratulations!

 

[SeaSnake]

It never surprises me how quite a few will shit on a man no matter what

i hear you and everything is on point.
But
It’s a lot that’s left open on why he wasn’t emotionally available.
Yea u can make wild guesses but if we being real most dudes who come home to kids aren’t like that unless it’s something else a foot.
Shit they may not even be his kids for whatever reason, but because he was attached still tried to provide for them but could deal with seeing them an not being reminded of whatever.
That’s why I say, she/they don’t know they full story.

now imagine doing all this for kids who ain’t yours and they treating you like this after all the pain you went thru for them.

Double foul

You don’t think that’s a much bigger problem raising kids he feels are t his and not being emotionally available? Like that’s weird as hell

 

[SeaSnake]

Like dude in fences did y like his kid and they ended up fucked up in the long run

 

[konceptjones]

@konceptjones i feel the not liking your kids stance you have is kinda harsh

I, personally, don't have that problem with my kids. However, having been a father for nearly 30 years I can wholeheartedly tell you I 100% understand it, and I've seen it. Families with that one kid that, no matter how hard they try, ends up in some fuckery. In one case the child's bullshit ended up with the family home getting shot up. She had to go. Now, you wouldn't know that kinda shit happened today 'cause they're all lovey-dovey laughing and shit, but there was a time (years in fact) when she wasn't allowed anywhere near the crib. Neither parent liked who the child became, but they still loved her none the less and supported her behind the scenes for years until she got her act together.

I won't say it's even a common thing, for the most part parents tend to like and love their children but you have to be honest with yourself and admit that kids can be fuck-ups and parents don't have to like that one bit.

 

[loud-ninja]

It never surprises me how quite a few will shit on a man no matter what

i hear you and everything is on point.
But
It’s a lot that’s left open on why he wasn’t emotionally available.
Yea u can make wild guesses but if we being real most dudes who come home to kids aren’t like that unless it’s something else a foot.
Shit they may not even be his kids for whatever reason, but because he was attached still tried to provide for them but could deal with seeing them an not being reminded of whatever.
That’s why I say, she/they don’t know they full story.

now imagine doing all this for kids who ain’t yours and they treating you like this after all the pain you went thru for them.

Double foul

At the bolded, a lot of kids do know the story when they get older. How do you know they dont know the full story?

You make time for the things you care about. There are some exceptions of course. I know some single parents that work crazy hours but still finds time to be with their kids. One of those parents dont really have a support system either.

The scenario with them not actually being his kids doesn't really apply. I mean, it is not impossible but improbable. If he was a step parent, im certain the woman in the post would have called him that based on their strained relationship.

There are rich kids that have strained relationships with their parents due to their parent/s always working. Providing is simply not enough for a child's growth.