BOA: Who would you side with in this conversation? The babydad or the babymother?

[mryounggun]

I'm nearing the end of my mental capacity to continue engaging about this particular topic. I got maybe a few more posts in me until I'm completely exhausted.

I'll use one of my remaining posts to just say this and as always, take from it what you will.

If you are a man in a non healthy Co parenting situation and have exhausted all practical and rational avenues to try and have a healthy co parenting relationship with the mother, take matters into your own hands. Long gone are the days of dad working all day just to bring home the bacon while the wife stays home with the kids.

You have rights my brother. Educate yourself. Don't be afraid to get the courts involved. They do not just automatically give custody to the mom anymore. That might have been true at one point and I'm sure even then you had to be a dog ass nigga to not have no rights as a parent but that aside. FIGHT, FIGHT, AND FIGHT for the right to have an equal say in your child's life.

That child is going to benefit from having both parents regardless of what kinda time the mom might be on. Don't let her dictate your custody. If you want week to week, fight for that shit. If your situation doesn't allow for you have week to week, come up with something that will ensure you get adequate time with your child.

My two pennies

Couldn't agree with this shit more. I've always said that, outside of one of them disappearing and me literally not knowing where they are located, there ain't a gotdamn thing either if my kid's moms could do to keep me away from them. Nothing. At all. Fuck outta here.

With my son's mom, we've never had a conversation about court. Never had to. My daughter's mom be on her bullshit sometimes because she is used to bullshit with her ex husband and really has no idea how to co-parent. She is just recently realizing that the fact that she is our baby's mother isn't any more important or vital than the fact that I'm her father. I recently had to tell her verbatim 'You have as much control over this situation as I allow you to believe you have. And if you're half as smart as I think you are...you know that already. So cut the bullshit. I'll be there Wednesday to pick the baby up. I'll let you know when I'm on the way.'.

The end.

 

[The Lonious Monk]

I'm nearing the end of my mental capacity to continue engaging about this particular topic. I got maybe a few more posts in me until I'm completely exhausted.

I'll use one of my remaining posts to just say this and as always, take from it what you will.

If you are a man in a non healthy Co parenting situation and have exhausted all practical and rational avenues to try and have a healthy co parenting relationship with the mother, take matters into your own hands. Long gone are the days of dad working all day just to bring home the bacon while the wife stays home with the kids.

You have rights my brother. Educate yourself. Don't be afraid to get the courts involved. They do not just automatically give custody to the mom anymore. That might have been true at one point and I'm sure even then you had to be a dog ass nigga to not have no rights as a parent but that aside. FIGHT, FIGHT, AND FIGHT for the right to have an equal say in your child's life.

That child is going to benefit from having both parents regardless of what kinda time the mom might be on. Don't let her dictate your custody. If you want week to week, fight for that shit. If your situation doesn't allow for you have week to week, come up with something that will ensure you get adequate time with your child.

My two pennies

That's probably the right course of action. You do have remember that it's hard for a man to get a fair shake in family court though. Those courts overwhelmingly side with mothers, so you got to be prepared for a potentially tough battle.

 

[AP2.5]

That's probably the right course of action. You do have remember that it's hard for a man to get a fair shake in family court though. Those courts overwhelmingly side with mothers, so you got to be prepared for a potentially tough battle.

I can't speak for the majority however I do know that because of this thought, myth, assumption, etc...I can see how this has continued to perpetuate. I'll also add that it's unfortunate in any facet of law that there are incompetent judges.

However, there are also judges who tend to side with the father provided he actually gives a damn. A lot of dudes refuse to even play the game on the assumption the outcome is already determined.

This is why I said previously do your research. Ask around to see what you can find about family lawyers who have great track records for fathers.

I do think there was a time when all a woman had to do was just show up but I don't think we are in those times anymore. Obviously these things are situational dependent as it might vary from state to state which still sucks but that's for another day.

But fight. Your child's development overall depends on it. My dad tried to come up with every excuse in the book. I wasn't having it because I know it was easier for him to try and blame my mother vs taking responsibility for him just not caring as much as he should. We patched things up when I got older and he passed some time shortly after that. But I always told myself I wouldn't just lay down when it came to my rights as a father.

 

[B_A]

If i was a dad that only got to see my son every second weekend and every Wednesday for a few hours(standard visitation rights doled out here) I'd be fuckin livid!!! That's my time with my kid! Whose being selfish now!?!?!? You have him all the time!! Fine take the game, but he should at least be able to play it when the dad is online.

 

[The Lonious Monk]

I can't speak for the majority however I do know that because of this thought, myth, assumption, etc...I can see how this has continued to perpetuate. I'll also add that it's unfortunate in any facet of law that there are incompetent judges.

However, there are also judges who tend to side with the father provided he actually gives a damn. A lot of dudes refuse to even play the game on the assumption the outcome is already determined.

This is why I said previously do your research. Ask around to see what you can find about family lawyers who have great track records for fathers.

I do think there was a time when all a woman had to do was just show up but I don't think we are in those times anymore. Obviously these things are situational dependent as it might vary from state to state which still sucks but that's for another day.

But fight. Your child's development overall depends on it. My dad tried to come up with every excuse in the book. I wasn't having it because I know it was easier for him to try and blame my mother vs taking responsibility for him just not caring as much as he should. We patched things up when I got older and he passed some time shortly after that. But I always told myself I wouldn't just lay down when it came to my rights as a father.

You shouldn't lay down, but you should be prepared for the worst.

 

[SeaSnake]

Are we trying to solve a problem or nah?

yall gotta stop making this about me. I hady own but this ain’t that. This ain’t about me hating the mom. I said it’s more about not communicating. Where’s the bias?

Im running scenarios about a kid who acted out of turn with no context.
How would y’all solve the issue?
Are we not foruming on a forum?

You telling me you would not inquire about your child being on punishment outside not sharing? You not going try to solve the issue?

I think he was saying that often in these type of convos you seem to automatically view the mom as wrong or petty. That leads ABW to believe that you may be projecting you experience with your bm into to these scenarios

 

[DOS_patos]

I think he was saying that often in these type of convos you seem to automatically view the mom as wrong or petty. That leads ABW to believe that you may be projecting you experience with your bm into to these scenarios

An you or y’all don’t see a problem with that?
It’s just not possible to separate a history from an opinion on something?
Any debate over a mother has to always come from a place about my bm?
That’s crazy to think.
mom leaves kid in hot car.
abw: she ain’t shit
Dos: she ain’t shit
Abw: dos, this ain’t about ya bm

Lol. Shit sounds crazy but whatever. Imma keep on Dos’ing
So am I projecting when I go at a shitty father?

 

[SeaSnake]

An you or y’all don’t see a problem with that?
It’s just not possible to separate a history from an opinion on something?
Any debate over a mother has to always come from a place about my bm?
That’s crazy to think.
mom leaves kid in hot car.
abw: she ain’t shit
Dos: she ain’t shit
Abw: dos, this ain’t about ya bm

Lol. Shit sounds crazy but whatever. Imma keep on Dos’ing
So am I projecting when I go at a shitty father?

Woman puts son on punishment for breaking rules
abw rational side: reasonable
Dos: so you have to share with your siblings now he gotta suffer cuz she made bad decisions and a man can’t bond with his son!

 

[DOS_patos]

Woman puts son on punishment for breaking rules
abw rational side: reasonable
Dos: so you have to share with your siblings now he gotta suffer cuz she made bad decisions and a man can’t bond with his son!

From the one post on the first page

where else in this thread did I shit directly on the mom?
YOU said I shit in single moms. I said we don’t know if she single.

then I spoke about communication and compromise between the parents and how this could have been avoided.

then

then
Then I spoke about finding out why the child is acting out.

@AP2.0 said how close his family was. I pointed out some families are toxic or dysfunctional

now please tell me how my bm’s or where my hatred for single moms came in.
Because I said I want to know about a punishment? Did I also say the punishment may have to carry over to when the child is with me?
@mryounggun show me where I shit on this woman outside the first page where I was saying this is a problem to be expected with different dads to her kids with a few jokes sprinkled in. Where’s the bias?

and dont none of y’all cop out.

 

[SeaSnake]

From the one post on the first page

where else in this thread did I shit directly on the mom?
YOU said I shit in single moms. I said we don’t know if she single.

then I spoke about communication and compromise between the parents and how this could have been avoided.

then

then
Then I spoke about finding out why the child is acting out.

@AP2.0 said how close his family was. I pointed out some families are toxic or dysfunctional

now please tell me how my bm’s or where my hatred for single moms came in.
Because I said I want to know about a punishment? Did I also say the punishment may have to carry over to when the child is with me?
@mryounggun show me where I shit on this woman outside the first page where I was saying this is a problem to be expected with different dads to her kids with a few jokes sprinkled in. Where’s the bias?

and dont none of y’all cop out.

I already explained you the only one besides deadeye that made this into some bullying favoritism thing you said it bro.

 

[DOS_patos]

I already explained you the only one besides deadeye that made this into some bullying favoritism thing you said it bro.

Trying to understand why a kid acted out. What that gotta do with attacking the mom

my post about favoritism wasnt about THIS mom. It was in response to another example.

so you teach you child to share and they don’t...it’s just punishment with no idea why the child ain’t going by your rules?

thats what yall telling me?
This is on the mom and dad to figure out why. Did I not say this?

so what’s the issue again?

 

[SeaSnake]

Nevermind

 

[Old Man Cain]

The dad is wrong. Also this is a simple fix as well. If you and your son like to hop online and play games with each tell your son to mind his mom's rules.

Also have a communication with your child's mom and let her know this a bonding time you want to share with their son pick a day or two out the week so you two can hop online and play. Everyone is on the same page and goofy shit like this can be avoided

Communication is always the key and also being a grown up minded adult helps as well

 

[The Lonious Monk]

The dad is wrong. Also this is a simple fix as well. If you and your son like to hop online and play games with each tell your son to mind his mom's rules.

Also have a communication with your child's mom and let her know this a bonding time you want to share with their son pick a day or two out the week so you two can hop online and play. Everyone is on the same page and goofy shit like this can be avoided

Communication is always the key and also being a grown up minded adult helps as well

Do you really think she didn't know the son and her father played that game together regularly? I doubt she was unaware.

It just seems like they have a toxic working relationship as far as co-parenting is concerned. You're right that good communication is the key, but I'm their issues with each other make that all but impossible. Hell, that little snippet of interaction we got was terrible.

 

[SeaSnake]

That snippet to me was him being unreasonable

 

[The Lonious Monk]

That snippet to me was him being unreasonable

Yeah, dude seemed like he been wanting to call her a hoe and took that instance as the opportunity to do so without saying the word.

 

[AP2.5]