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Anyone have a family member that just can't figure their life out????

William Munny said:
So this all totally hypothetical, but lets say you, the reader of this post, has brother who can't really seem to get his shit together.

So your brother has never really had a serious job, other than serving at restaurants. Covid put a kobash on that obviously, but he's put really put no effort into finding another job on that, even tho he has familial connects to people that could get him a job making a livable wage.

Well.... so my, I mean this hypothetical brother, has been trying to make music, trying art shit, trying everything besides something that could actually be productive. He decides he wants to move the Virgin Island for four months, no plan on place once he gets there. He just knows a chick from HS he hasn't seen in 10 years is living there and she'll let him pay rent month to month once he gets there.

So while he's gone for four months, he decides to rent his apartment in the States out while he's gone to a shady dude. This shady dude is a weed dealer, but seems fairly small time. He's told some pretty crazy stories about shooting at people in the past, but you can't really tell if they are true or not. Once your brother leaves for the Virgin Islands, the shady dude decides he doesn't wanna pay the rent amount they agreed to. Your brother is so nervous for the belongings of his in his apartment, he's flying home after only being in St. Thomas for 10 days to move his shit out of the apartment because he's so sketched by this dude.

Your brother then asks you to take time off work to show up and help move his belongings out and be the muscle (LOL), in case this dude spazzes out, because apparently he's volatile.

First off, helping people move fucking sucks. It's annoying enough to have help people move, but then to have to worry about psycho dude? WTF! The whole situation could have easily avoidable. Like at 31 years old you'd except someone to be smart enough who they let live in their apartment.

Shit man. Anyways. What would ya'll do? Show up strapped? Tell your brother to get his god damn shit together? Wack shit all around.






Also.... this brother didn't even tell you he was leaving for the Virgin Island for four months, you found out second hand through your parents, and he never said shit to you before leaving.......
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I am going to be cruelly blunt with you... but my condoleances in advance.

He's a lost cause. Perhaps him, perhaps the whole family-- I don't know about the situation. But either you or whoever you stood for has to find a way out.
 
JohnSmithCAN said:
I am going to be cruelly blunt with you... but my condoleances in advance.

He's a lost cause. Perhaps him, perhaps the whole family-- I don't know about the situation. But either you or whoever you stood for has to find a way out.
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Went there heavy. Shit didn’t happen. Showed up, dude was on an air mattress on the floor at 11:30 am, high as fucking shit.

Found the guys IG, to say he’s a fraud would be an understatement.....
 
Yea this is definitely shit you expect to go through from 18-25. If your brother is in that age range. I'd say this is about normal, shit for a moment I was like..who told this mufucka about me..lol, but nah ...I hope it all works out for you and him
 
Bobjones said:
He's playing games with ur brother not paying full rent.
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TonyDubbz said:
Yea man, call the land lord if ya'll not really bout that life
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Come to think of it, it's probably not a good idea to call the landlord.


Simply because he probably wouldn't appreciate your brother sub-leasing the apartment.


Your brother might end up losing the apartment altogether if you bring the landlord in on this.
 
My brother doesn’t care about losing the apartment and they probably would be mad at him for trying to sublease it cause it’s Section 8 housing.

This dude is a sound cloud rapper with pics of money in a lambo but he’s about to be homeless ?
 
AZTG said:
Dude said his bro 31. My bro in his 30s too. At this point those talks happened a ton of times. And they dont work.

At this point you either cut your bro off or accept him as is.

I cant cut my bro off. Instead I just be steaming in silence when he asks for money. Cause it shames him too, but he got nowhere to turn too .

I get worried bout what he might do if I dont help. Like what or who does he turn to at that point?

Shit like this is crazy. Gotta live it to truly understand.
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William Munny said:
I get that. Whenever I gotta do some dumb shit for my brother, my GF always says "Why are you acting like this is you responsibility."

To someone outside the situation, its seems like its obviously not my situation. But when you have to deal with a family member hurting themself or turning to god knows what... the situation does become you responsibility
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You all are codependent enablers.

If you all stopped bailing out your adult abusers/users right now, they'd just find someone else to drain. And so on...and so on.

You all have become just as addicted to the dysfunction as they are addicted to the shit they're addicted to.

If you all don't stop this cycle it will never end.

I've been there, I know from first hand experience.

They ARE NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. THEIR SHIT IS NOT YOUR SHIT...STOP MAKING IT YOURS.
 
Scandalust313 said:
You all are codependent enablers.

If you all stopped bailing out your adult abusers/users right now, they'd just find someone else to drain. And so on...and so on.

You all have become just as addicted to the dysfunction as they are addicted to the shit they're addicted to.

If you all don't stop this cycle it will never end.

I've been there, I know from first hand experience.

They ARE NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. THEIR SHIT IS NOT YOUR SHIT...STOP MAKING IT YOURS.
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You're def not wrong.

But also, shit not just that simple. I mean, it is, but its not.

Im the type of person that cuts people off easy. Drop of a dime people get cut off. Its what I do. I just dont do it for family. And its not even cutting my bro off thats the issue. Its that if I cut him off, he can spiral, fuck up his marriage, go out of control, and that will be real painful for my parents. I try to avoid that too.

And another thing to keep in mind, for my situation, im passed the hoping or expecting things change stage. Have been for a long time. Im more of in the accepting it as what it is. This is how my bro is.

And I also know I can cut him off and say fuck it, but I consciously chose not too. I aint even mad or sad at the situation no more. Havent been in years. It just is what it is.
 
AZTG said:
You're def not wrong.

But also, shit not just that simple. I mean, it is, but its not.

Im the type of person that cuts people off easy. Drop of a dime people get cut off. Its what I do. I just dont do it for family. And its not even cutting my bro off thats the issue. Its that if I cut him off, he can spiral, fuck up his marriage, go out of control, and that will be real painful for my parents. I try to avoid that too.

And another thing to keep in mind, for my situation, im passed the hoping or expecting things change stage. Have been for a long time. Im more of in the accepting it as what it is. This is how my bro is.

And I also know I can cut him off and say fuck it, but I consciously chose not too. I aint even mad or sad at the situation no more. Havent been in years. It just is what it is.
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That's why I said you are a codependent enabler and you are just as addicted to the dysfunction as your brother is addicted to whatever is/are his drug(s) of choice.

He's going to spiral anyway...you're not helping him at all.
 
Scandalust313 said:
That's why I said you are a codependent enabler and you are just as addicted to the dysfunction as your brother is addicted to whatever is/are his drug(s) of choice.

He going to spiral anyway...you're not helping him at all.
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Lmao. Nah. Every situation dont play out like that.

There is no dysfunction, and there is no spiral.

My bro is a functioning addict. As long as I give him a few gs a year, shit trucks along with no prob.

If you wanna do a real pyscho analysis, you can psycho analyze me as being a selfish mfer. And i can gaurantee im not a narcissist, but this does have hints of narcissism in it. Its a situation where I refuse to let my bro hit rock bottom cause if he does, thatll fuck up the family dynamic. Parents would get hurt. Lots of shame to go around. I would have to take a more active role in the fixing of things etc.

It all comes down to me feeling like spending a few gs a year is worth it so everyones comfort doesnt get shaken. Which means my bro never bets better.

Thats some selfish ass shit.

Its def not the classic dependent/co dependent thing you think it is.
 
AZTG said:
Lmao. Nah. Every situation dont play out like that.

There is no dysfunction, and there is no spiral.

My bro is a functioning addict. As long as I give him a few gs a year, shit trucks along with no prob.

If you wanna do a real pyscho analysis, you can psycho analyze me as being a selfish mfer. And i can gaurantee im not a narcissist, but this does have hints of narcissism in it. Its a situation where I refuse to let my bro hit rock bottom cause if he does, thatll fuck up the family dynamic. Parents would get hurt. Lots of shame to go around. I would have to take a more active role in the fixing of things etc.

It all comes down to me feeling like spending a few gs a year is worth it so everyones comfort doesnt get shaken. Which means my bro never bets better.

Thats some selfish ass shit.

Its def not the classic dependent/co dependent thing you think it is.
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You'll see...I hope you don't.

Best of luck to you and your family.
 
So I was there for a few hours, and things seemed super chill and I had to go, but after I left I guess some dude came over and dropped a pistol off and the squatter guy left it sitting out on the table. Obviously meant to intimidate. I honestly don't know what I would have done in that situation if I was there and saw the gun out. Should I make a casual remark about it and brandish my own? Don't brandish my own use the element of surprise as a tactical advantage?

The guy is threatening legal action against my brother for $400 he paid him, even tho in actuality, after the prorated amount for the time he stayed, he should owe my brother money. Dude is a complete scrub.
 
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