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2022/2023 Football/Soccer Thread

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Member when mbappe did the same thing?

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💬 Quote of the day​

“I don't have an official Instagram account, I created one to check on the wives of the players because some of them gave me problems.” - a cunning excuse from Inter Milan sporting director Daniele Ausilio.
 

FOOTBALL​

😈 Ney respect for the rules​

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Neymar has never been too troubled by sexual taboos. The PSG star paid for his dad’s orgies, joked about drinking his own jizz, and threatened to impale his mum’s toyboy with a broomstick up his bum.

So his girlfriend Bruna was probably a little shocked when the PSG star made a gushing public apology for cheating on her this week.

It’s particularly strange because it’s an open secret in Brazilian footballing circles that Neymar and Bruna have a special “understanding”.

Neymar is allowed to cheat provided he obeys three golden rules:
  1. Always wear a condom
  2. No prostitutes or strippers
  3. No kissing them on the mouth
Modern love!
 

FOOTBALL​

📺 Can we at least order some more booze?​

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When it comes to romance, we all have our methods: a bunch of BP forecourt tulips, the offy’s finest bottle of Casillero del Diablo, or carrying a well-thumbed copy of the London Review of Books.

Or, if you’re Jonjo Shelvey, you force your love interest to sit through a 10 minute YouTube compilation showcasing your long range passing ability.

According to a fan called Sophie, the Forest midfielder chatted her up on a night out before bringing her home for an after-party with teammates Chris Wood and Jesse Lingard.

But instead of racking up a few lines of some pub grub cocaine and sticking on Lingard’s latest Soundcloud mix, Jonjo forced everyone to watch a YouTube video titled “Jonjo Shelvey: The Playmaker”.

In fairness, Jonjo has got a sexy job. If Alan in HR live streamed himself doing risk assessments, he probably wouldn’t get many knickers through the letterbox.
 

FOOTBALL​

🏖️ Childish phrases​

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After the furore over their wedding, Richard Keys’ new wife Lucie was looking forward to a beautiful honeymoon, miles away from nasty tabloid hacks and Twitter trolls.

But while Richard grudgingly retired to a sunbed, he couldn’t resist quickly tweeting a story sent to him by his old mucker Andy Gray.
Unfortunately by screenshotting the photo, Keysy also accidentally shared thumbnails of few other photos Andy had sent him recently, including this one…

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And as the honeymoon wore on, the disgraced former Sky presenter found a quick moment between massages and candlelit meals to fire out a blog post settling a few scores.
Among his targets: Jamie Redknapp, who he accused of inventing all the phrases which got Keys fired all those years ago…

‘Hanging out of the back of….’ Redknapp’s phraseology. Not mine. I simply mimicked it. As I did with ‘smash it’. Does anyone seriously believe I’m childish enough to use phrases like that?

Err, yes.
 

💉 Quick hits

🍖 Mauricio Pochettino held a barbecue at Chelsea’s training ground for all the club staff. And not a lemon in sight.

👨‍⚖️ After the scenes at Lord’s last weekend, the MCC have created an anonymous form to grass up misbehaving members.

⛵ Despite sanctions, Roman Abramovich is holidaying on his superyacht in Majorca.
🚽 A striker was sent off in the Argentine third tier for urinating on the touchline in the middle of the game.

🍿 While we’re discussing Ian Botham’s on-screen battles, it would be remiss of us to ignore the time he was ambushed by a rotating cast of unsmiling Scottish students. It’s TV gold…

👬 We’ve seen Indian cyclists called David Beckham Elkatohchoongo and Ronaldo, now meet Kenyan rugby star Andycole Omolo

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Good stuff...final Saturday 8th July 5pm uk time

Wonder how many of that England team (should they win), will get into the main squad for euro 2024?
Anthony Gordon, Morgan Gibbs-White, Colwill, Emile Smith-Rowe? 🤔

Edit: can watch from here the final i think

For those in the UK, channel 4 bought rights to u-21 final so can watch on terrestrial TV tomorrow too!

 
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Chelsea fans tears on Threads and Twitter because of MM7 leaving that club for his dream club is amusing at the very least.
 
Chelsea fans tears on Threads and Twitter because of MM7 leaving that club for his dream club is amusing at the very least.
Interesting I have only seen indifference regarding mount. My access to twitter is in the gutter I travelled to the gutter of Reddit and everyone seemed meh. But the captain, people seemed more touched by that
 
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