When views change in a relationship?

[devlyn]

So thoughts...your partner's view on things has possibly changed on things that you both had talked about before. Such as kids, marriage, jobs, moving to another state, living together, buying a house, etc... you get the point.
But they've never told you that their view on certain matters has changed or evolved from what it was in the past. Not saying it went to the negative, it just isn't the same anymore. It could be because they saw a friend marriage deteriorate. or a family's member child die.

But they haven't discuss that view point with you. And if the topic is brought up or anything they deflect, possibly not knowing how to speak on the subject with you. Your partner knows how you feel on certain things. And now it maybe getting to a point where you are lost and uncertain what to do.
How to you get them to be upfront with you? Everything is fine in your guys relationship besides their ability for them to talk to you? They are afraid of losing you... But the avoidance has got you going crazy to the point that if it continues They may lose you. Speaking to someone may help them. But they most likely won't. Where do you go from here?

 

[AP2.5]

I'ma just keep it a buck with you, if they have communication issues and don't want to try to get help to unpack the root cause of them, these situations rarely work themselves out.

It's not that they are a bad person but any means but you can't be in a partnership with someone and not want to talk or rather have the inability to communicate your feelings. Even if you have provided the safest of the safest environments for them to share, they may still be in some sort of bondage that prevents them from speaking freely.

As someone who has struggled with this myself in the past, I've continued to seek help and have made some huge strides in this area but it has also cost me some relationships with women to no fault of their own, but a lot of men simply will not open up to anyone which just compounds the issue.

In short, it might be time for y'all to a) have a tough conversation or b) go your separate ways

 

[Eartha Clit]

Therapy or flat out call it out and say it’s a conversation that needs to be had.

 

[devlyn]

I'ma just keep it a buck with you, if they have communication issues and don't want to try to get help to unpack the root cause of them, these situations rarely work themselves out.

It's not that they are a bad person but any means but you can't be in a partnership with someone and not want to talk or rather have the inability to communicate your feelings. Even if you have provided the safest of the safest environments for them to share, they may still be in some sort of bondage that prevents them from speaking freely.

As someone who has struggled with this myself in the past, I've continued to seek help and have made some huge strides in this area but it has also cost me some relationships with women to no fault of their own, but a lot of men simply will not open up to anyone which just compounds the issue.

In short, it might be time for y'all to a) have a tough conversation or b) go your separate ways

@AP2.5 Ok...ok I am hearing ya. And thanks for the input it does make sense and gives me a lot to think on.

So what was that final line that you went thru to get the help you needed to talk to someone? You know it's hard for men and black men at that to see the issue and work on it. To freely reach out to talk to someone

 

[devlyn]

Therapy or flat out call it out and say it’s a conversation that needs to be had.

Yep, totally agree with you. And if it causes an argument.. definitely know something needs more help in talking. Together or therapy. I don't even think he even talks to his boys or cousins like that even to discuss. And I've know they try to see where his head at.

 

[AP2.5]

@AP2.5 Ok...ok I am hearing ya. And thanks for the input it does make sense and gives me a lot to think on.

So what was that final line that you went thru to get the help you needed to talk to someone? You know it's hard for men and black men at that to see the issue and work on it. To freely reach out to talk to someone

For me, it didn't take much convincing or anything. I knew I didn't have the answers and that speaking to someone who didn't know me personally in any way was going to help me way more than hurt me. They have no previous experience with me and aren't biased.

But I'm also a pretty open dude and know just sometimes, it's ok to not have all the answers at the snap of a finger.

I also managed to befriend a woman/girl who offered me a ton of insight into shit but I got in my own head and fucked that friendship up because I couldn't get out of my own way about some other things I was dealing with internally

I'm still very much a work in progress but I'm ok with not trying to figure everything out on my own.

 

[TTBF]

Anytime that's happened to me it just marked the beginning of the end. Basically what @AP2.5 said outside of therapy has been my personal experience a couple of times as well.

Gotta have those open, honest and tough conversations. If you can't you're just biding time until the inevitable or even worse you end up stuck because of a child, finances, fear and not because you love your partner. Nah man.

 

[Mr BFK]

ultimately it always comes down to life goals............

everything else maybe great while in the relationship currently but if ur life goals conflict then eventually it will end

so it's better to plan to end it on a good note than wasting more time than necessary and waiting until it goes bad



and some goals are somewhat flexible so there is usually some wiggle room

but if it's something like they want kids/u don't........... then it's best to just be real/honest about where the relationship is going at that point