They both dropped out of school in High School. I was a straight A student all the way up until High School. They never talked to me about higher education and any education ambitions but they would brag to people about how good I was doing in school. They never helped me with homework or any projects ever but when it was time to talk about how I was doing they made sure that you knew I was their son. I hated that shit.
The bills being in my name and not teaching me about finances go hand in hand. Fucked up part is I saw my name in the gas bill a long time before I knew what it really was. When I got older I realized how fucked up it was to do that to your child.
I know this feeling all too well.
HS diplomas was the furthest Moms and Pops went for awhile. (Pops later got a degree in Theological Studies)
Before that, I was the “crown jewel.”
“Our son’s going to college.”
“Our son got four scholarships.”
“Our son’s in the band.”
“Our son made the Dean’s list.”
Never mind the fact that after freshmen year, I had to take out loans to stay there, or the fact that my mom took out a loan for my sister in MY name for her to go, which was wasted when she basically flunked out her first semester, despite me telling my mom this was exactly the thing that was going to happen (sis never wanted to go to school from jump), and for the first seven years after I walked, I got stuck paying my loans AND hers. Or the fact that my last semester on campus, I had ZERO money to my account, so I didn’t even have a room, and basically lived out of my car, sometimes having to sleep in it.
Nah, fuck all of that: I was basically on my own, except when graduation came. Now, it’s “their” college diploma. Shit irked my soul.
Especially when I was done and on my own, is when I finally revealed to them I was Agnostic. All of a sudden:
“College made me an asshole.”
“College made me think I’m smarter than God.”
That one I find particularly funny because in HS leading up to me leaving for school I had been telling them I wasn’t interested in the phoniness of church, Christianity, or religion as a whole, especially after watching one of the pastors at the church we went to get indicted on FEDERAL embezzlement charges.
You still can’t say these things to a Reverend and a Preacher’s wife; they’ll deny that, and simply blame higher education on “leading me away from Jesus.”
Shit is a roadblock in our relationship to this day.
