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Second chances..

HellCzar said:
3 minimum. I figure after awhile if the kid not responding and flat out says fuck them then leave them alone. But if the kid decides to reach out the deadbeat should thank God and reconcile as best they can.
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I dont think there is a time limit to reaching out after your wrongdoings.
it may take many many many tries.
...nah I dont think they should just leave a child alone after 3 tries, thats asinine to me.
"Oh well I tried 3 times, gotta give up" lmao hell no.
I think they should continue, not in a pestering or controlling way, but in a respectable way to correct what they did wrong.

My father tried many times and Im glad he did.
people evolve. simple as that.
 
HellCzar said:
Not really. I think every deadbeat should try and reach out at least 3 times. But i dont think any kid is obligated to forgive them or talk to them. I always feel the offender should try and reconcile but the offended party does not owe them anything.
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So, first you said they should get the fuck on and reach out.
Now you are saying they should reach out 3 times.

CONTRADICTION
 
True thats why i said 3 times minimum. And that they need to be open for any outcome from their kid. Also it may depend on how bad the deadbeat was. Reaching out can trigger a kid and have them feeling terrible all over again. If the kid reaches out the parent imo is obligated to respond. If the deadbeat reaches out the kid isnt obligated to do anything.
 
No, shyt. I am sick and tired of people making poor decisions, evading their responsibilities and then expect perfect endings.
 
Thotful Insight said:
So, first you said they should get the fuck on and reach out.
Now you are saying they should reach out 3 times.

CONTRADICTION
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Maybe i didnt flesh it out right. The kid has the right to tell the parent to get the fuck on out their life. But i feel a deadbeat parent should always try to reconcile for what they did. But a kid does not have to be cordial or understanding or receptive.
 
To the ppl who dont wish to forgive the absentee parent after they've shown considerable signs of growth and change.
Do you expect to be forgiven after you fuck up countless times?

I mean all this superiority shit goes out the window when you are looking for ppl to forgive you for your shitty ways and malbehavior

just saying.
 
Race Jones said:
To the ppl who dont wish to forgive the absentee parent after they've shown considerable signs of growth and change.
Do you expect to be forgiven after you fuck up countless times?

I mean all this superiority shit goes out the window when you are looking for ppl to forgive you for your shitty ways and malbehavior

just saying.
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great question and frankly I would not expect to be forgiven after fucking up countless times. I made the decision and I have to accept the consequences.
 
Well of course i think everybody would like to be forgiven for their fuck ups. But to expect or feel i deserve to be forgiven for doing somebody dirty just because i apologized and grew is wrong. You cant really ever know how what you do impacts somebody. If they decide to never forgive i have to live with it.
 
Race Jones said:
To the ppl who dont wish to forgive the absentee parent after they've shown considerable signs of growth and change.
Do you expect to be forgiven after you fuck up countless times?

I mean all this superiority shit goes out the window when you are looking for ppl to forgive you for your shitty ways and malbehavior

just saying.
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i don't expect much. ur forgiveness is admirable tho
 
It depends on the extent of your wrong doings.

You can be a dead beat dad that bounced in the beginning, turned your life around and wants to try to make a mends.

Or a drugged out pedophile who touched on your little ones , still bounced and now want forgiveness and the desire to be a grandfather.

Scenario #1 would be received much easier than Scenario #2. Sadly, folks will agree to scenario #2 and recreate the cycle in which they suffered.

Not everyone deserves to be in your life, and it doesn't make you a bad person for denying them that ability.
 
I only met my father once. I was about 13. It didn't go well because I think he was expecting a child but he got a man. He approached it like hey the past is the past and if you want a relationship with me you have to move on. That was the first and the last time I ever saw him. He died when I was in my late 20's. There are times now that I wish he was still alive because as an adult male I have a better understanding of his situation. I don't forgive him but it would be nice to be able to talk to him.
 
It's really up to the child, but I don't think they should close the door on that relationship. Not everyone is fit to be a parent. Let's just be real. There are plenty don't have much to offer developing children and probably would have flat out been poor influences while that child was growing up. I know people that have to grow up without a mother or a father don't want to hear that, but sometimes the best thing that person can do is stay away. That said, just because they weren't good candidates for raising a child doesn't mean they won't have anything to offer once that child is grown up. Hell, the same shit that a person goes through that might make them an unfit parent for a young child could put them in a position where they have a lot to offer a young adult trying to find his or her way.

All that said, I still think its cowardly and fucked up to create a child and just abandon him or her. Maybe you wouldn't be a good full time parent. That doesn't mean you can't just be there from time to time and serve some purpose.
 
Duwop said:
case by case...

peoples feelings are their feelings.....they should be respected..it's like the one thing you're entitled to.

I'll tell the story of my pops real quick. then i'll get outta here.

My father was a piece of shit father. Dude was already married with two daughters when he got my mom pregnant. THey were essentially hang out and fuck buddies......

She knew he was married, but he stayed at his Aunts, nigga never went home. And he had a older son from a previous relationship, and never went to see that nigga either....so when my mom got pregnant she already knew what time it was....

she just gave me her last name, and never took dude for anything. told him his involvement was completely voluntary.....

so he just kinda popped up every now n then, normally to take me school shopping n shit, or maybe a movie.....

when i got older he'd sometimes see if i wanted to go hooping with him, but it was still here n there.....

then the crazy shit happened.... one of my sisters got pregnant....this was the second one to get pregnant but he actually beat the baby out of the first sister..so she miscarried.....then he beat her almost baby daddy half to death......so when the other sister got pregnant she fought him off with a knife cuz she didn't want him to bet her baby out too,.....he told his wife to choose between him or my sister...so he left them.....

as i've told before, when he left them he moved across the street from me in our old apartment....i was like 12/13...so i'm like great....my pops is across the street...we can finally bond.....
:idkb3:

man that nigga was a whole asshole.....after about 2 years of trying to force the shit, i was like fuck it....i ain't dealing with this dumb ass.....

by the time i was 18 i was 100% thru.....

the fire happened when i was in college, so by the time i came home from school, he had already left....

when i was in school my mom's found savings were gone, and her credit was shot...after investigation it came out that my father's girlfriend...that was living with him across the street from us, had stolen my mom's identity, and was going buck wild.....WHILE LIVING ACROSS THE FUCKING STREET FROM US.....we caught the bitch....she does like 9 months in jail or something stupid....and he moves the bitch RIGHT THE FUCK BACK IN!!!....man that fire was a godsend.....he had to go somewhere else...

so most of my adult life its been fuck that dude.....as i got older i stopped being hateful and just accepted the fact that he was a piece of shit dude....it wasn't personal it was like that with everybody....

in fact i realized it was a blessing we weren't that close...cuz the people he was really close to were more fucked up than i was .....my sisters????

he really fucked their whole lives up...their daddy issues are deep as shit.....

he used to beat them, pit them against each other, routinely tear down their self esteem... dude was a piece of work....

once i saw how bad he fucked them up, i was glad he wasn't more present in my life....cuz i'd prolly be fucked up right along with them....i jsut made the effort to be the husband and father he never was.....

i invited him to my wedding, he didn't come though....i think it was cuz he couldn't bring his wife...(the one who stole my mom's identity)

however when him and his wife renewed their vows he said he wanted all his kids there....i reluctantly went cuz one of my sisters went and she didn't think she could handle being there by herself, so she begged me to meet her there and support her....

when he got cancer i, was like...eh....

i mean i literally felt nothing....my brother came in town once, and they were having a little cancer party for him at a bar.....my brother, and the sister who went to the vow renewal were the only two he told, cuz they're the oldest two and were closest to him....

i ha

me and my other sister, the two youngest, we're the most distant.....but they dragged her along too....

i had no intentions of going, but this time the other sister begged me to come....i guess they both feel really uncomfortable around dude....


either way, he died around christmas....i didn't go to the funeral cuz i was bust at work, and i just didn't see the need to abandon a project i was working on and leave my team hanging for a funeral of a dude i really didn't fuck with like that....

people used to always try to get me to open up and ask hypotheticals like the OP about should i reach out to him, what if he reaches out to me?

like people want shit to be story book happy ending soooo bad....

sometimes certain people just don't fuck with certain people....and they don't want to....

dude died and never once asked for me, or tried to reach out, or none of that....and i'm glad... cuz it wouldn't have been real....

he really ain't give a fuck, and that's just how it was.....

if someone doesn't speak to a parent.....leave that shit alone....everybody aint gotta make up,cuz every body don't wanna make up.....

i was more relieved when he died than anything, cuz i never have to have anyone ask me that question of do i ever think i'll speak to him again...or do i want my son to meet him....you know all the shit people ask you when they think it's possible that yall might get over it...


this was no petty thing.....that dude was a piece of shit.....i had no interest in reconciling with him under no circumstances....

i was content with never speaking to him before, and i'm still content that i didn't....

my last words to him were at the cancer party.....

i asked him was he good, he said yea, i asked him does he have any regrets, he said naw....i was like iight, he was like iight... and that was it....

we all took a pic, he bought his kids a round of drinks, and went back to his friends and had their karaoke night
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Gotdamn, son. Your pops really was a just a terrible, terrible nigga. This is a great example of why I always say that sometimes, it's a BLESSING that a nigga daddy ain't around. SMH.
 
Depending on the extent to which the parent was absent there might not be much of a bond to begin with. The way I feel about my dad is complete indifference. If he reached out there'd be no emotions involved. In that sense it's not about feeling obliged to accept and appreciate a change for the better that a parent's gone through, it's just "I barely even know this person"... so let me carry on my path that they made a left on hundreds of miles back.
 
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