Let's Talk About A Time When YOU Were The Problem

[Mr BFK]

so I can look back now as a mature adult and see multiple times where I was at fault for dealing with a woman I perceived to be as "unstable"

as a young man dating from my teens into my 20s, there were a number of times where a female did something that I thought was crazy or too much.....but the truth is I def could have managed the situation better

granted a couple of women were legit unstable, but looking back I should saw that shit coming a mile away before anything even got that far




personally I've always struggled with breaking up/cutting a woman off when I know upfront the shit just isn't going to work just off circumstance....... I always liked to consider myself a nice guy, but really it's prob just a symptom of my habit of avoiding conflict and possibly hurting someone's feelings

 

[Mr BFK]

hell even right now I got a buddy I hang with on occasion...........and she def looking to be in a relationship

but she isn't a fit for me, even tho I genuinely like her and relate to her situation

I would consider getting married again but there is no way this woman can meet the pre-requisites.......so the most we can ever be is friends





but she don't want to hear that shit no matter how much I tell her that

and even she know her baggage is too much

so if she gets eventually gets overly emotional at me and does some crazy shit

I can't even act like I didn't sit here this whole time watching the shit build up to the inevitable SMH:Will:

 

[AZTG]

I can look back and say I was the problem in most situations.

Lets take my failed relationships. I had this issue where I thought I was making these women feel loved. Thought I was expressive as hell, all the while Im showing 0 emotion and stoic as a mfer.

I was thinking everyone knew me like I knew me. Like if Im telling you I love you, then ofcourse its true. All the while I aint expressing shit.

It took me months after my ex breaking off our engagement saying she didnt feel loved. This was after I had other women break up with me for the same reason.

Even after that, it tooks months of me replaying our relationship in my mind to realize my fuck up.

That wasnt the only reason we broke up of course. But that was one of the reasons she gave. And that also happened to be the same shit I heard from other women.

I learned though. And now I express and try to show emotion even if its super out of character for me.

 

[AZTG]

Same shit with friendships.

Not all, but a good number of my friendships ended after arguments or fights where I felt I was being disrespected. Either i cut mfers off, mfers cut me off, or we fought over some dumb shit.

Years later I came to the realization that I overreact to anything I percieve as disrespect.

My shit is to always look around and figure out whats normal, and then work my way towards that.

I realized my reactions to what I thought was disrespect were way out the norm. I been trying to work on that. I got much better now, but man sometimes I relapse and feel like smacking the fuck out of mfers. Lmaoo

 

[AZTG]

I dont remember who told me this, idk if I read it, came to the realization one day, saw it here, or if I saw it on tv/in a movie but shit had a major impact on me and forced me to work on myself.

It was something like youre the only person in the world that knows who you are based on your thoughts and intentions. Everyone else can only ever get to know you based off your actions.

That shit opened my eyes and forced me to move different.

 

[Mister B. M. Ed.]

I had a horrible temper in my 20s. Most of my relationships with my frat brothers are either really good or it’s on sight when find them.

I realized that I have an EXTREMELY low tolerance for stupidity. So, when we, as a chapter, would try to put stuff together, and one of them opposes what going on, not because they didn’t like the idea, but because they didn’t like the fact it was MY idea (or I co-signed the idea heavy), I took that shit personal, and would then challenge a muhfucka to box.

No one ever did put on them gloves.

 

[ImaInfluenza]

Theres actually truth to this

If you’re perceived as good looking/attractive you can either quickly attract people OR quickly repel them…it’s a catch 22

The reason is because if you’re perceived as an attractive person people tend to assume things about you that may make them project their insecurities on you because they may think less of themselves. If you have an “edgy” personality they may perceive you as cocky, pushy or vain when in reality you’re not even trying to impress others, it’s just how you are due to your upbringing. This is why you were surprised by being seen as attractive because you thought people would fawn over you. A lot of times it can be the opposite depending on who you’re dealing with. It’s like other people can get away with certain things but YOU can’t. It’s a very twisted and unfair form of bias you have little to no control over. You just have to stop caring what people think

I’m speaking from personal experience. Don’t take it personal but don’t let people get too comfortable with making you uncomfortable for no reason as well..

I’ve come to terms with the bolded, at the same time it’s the most frustrating thing about socializing. Walking into a room with a lot of people most of them you’ve never even spoken to or even know their name and their energy shift. And it’s like fam..I’m not even no Idris Elba type nigga..no Denzel, no ..no, Tyson Beckford type nigga. Really?..I , make you insecure. Like damn, I really wish I saw myself the way you see me cause then I’d actually be super arrogant.

Funny story tho, I was at a job orientation one time and a HR guy was short and nerdy like..he was having a good conversation with me and it was just me and him in the room. Then a somewhat attractive new hire brunette walked in and dude totally went into quiet mode. I felt bad for em him, she just existing, she ain’t said one word more than hello to us, not looking at us, in no way interested In you and you’re intimidated.

I don’t like people feeling that way so I started a conversation and purposely involved him in the conversation as well so he could see that’s it’s ok. We all ended up having a nice convo. After that everytime I would go to the main building dude would hail me and ask how I’m doing.

 

[dodge]

I’ve come to terms with the bolded, at the same time it’s the most frustrating thing about socializing. Walking into a room with a lot of people most of them you’ve never even spoken to or even know their name and their energy shift. And it’s like fam..I’m not even no Idris Elba type nigga..no Denzel, no ..no, Tyson Beckford type nigga. Really?..I , make you insecure. Like damn, I really wish I saw myself the way you see me cause then I’d actually be super arrogant.

Funny story tho, I was at a job orientation one time and a HR guy was short and nerdy like..he was having a good conversation with me and it was just me and him in the room. Then a somewhat attractive new hire brunette walked in and dude totally went into quiet mode. I felt bad for em him, she just existing, she ain’t said one word more than hello to us, not looking at us, in no way interested In you and you’re intimidated.

I don’t like people feeling that way so I started a conversation and purposely involved him in the conversation as well so he could see that’s it’s ok. We all ended up having a nice convo. After that everytime I would go to the main building dude would hail me and ask how I’m doing.

I know where you’re coming from. I went through the same thing

A girl one time tried to get me jumped because she liked me yet felt insecure because she thought I would reject her or because she thought I was a “player”

Male friends would try to argue over dumb stuff…the list goes on

 

[ajackson17]

I had a bad sex addiction. I cheated on my ex multiple times. She found out I fucked a couple of bbw porn stars (Skyy Black, Ms Cleo, Pink Kandi, and Marshae, etc).

I made her cry and that's when I truly felt like a Monster. I was very selfish. I try to forget about it but it still haunts me. Surprisingly we're still together but she's not the same ol Wendy. I turned her into a bad girl.

Pink Kandie? Bbw?

 

[IP360]

It was the 90s.

I was set to be engaged to a bougie brown paper bag test my type of people Howard graduate that looked like Vanessa Williams. This is when Howard meant something.

I was doing my part of playing the reformed Black business man. She paraded me around, she got her reformed thug.

After a while, I didn't like this bitch nor her bougie assfamily, but I thought marriage was the next step in my life. It was something I was supposed to do. Plus we looked good together and she fed into my vanity.

I suspected she was cheating on me, so I had people follow her. Found out she was fucking around with some weak ass 3rd string NFL motherfucker.

I held on to that shit for a year, didn't tell her I knew. I was like, "Here's my chance to make her life miserable, because I'm tired of this woman."

I had her doing all types of nasty shit, warped her mind. One day she said, "I feel like you hate me, but I'll always love you."

I told her, "Something is fucking wrong with you."

Long story short, I broke up with her when she got pregnant by that bum ass NFL player and then I made his life hell for a year and broke them up.

Now I'm like, "Bruh, you were one vindictive motherfucker, you didn't have to do all that. It's okay to break up with someone and just move on."

Man fucc dat. Enjoy that shyt. She ain't give a fucc about ya feelings when she was smashing the guy on the practice squad. Then had a baby by him...nah.

Lol

 

[IP360]

Meh...problems regarding communications in previous dealings...had a lot to do wit being ignored when expressing my feelings.

Wheneva I was dealing wit someone...it was always about THEIR feelings and opinions, over mines. It got to the point where I'd just kept shyt to myself. What was the point if whateva i wanted to express got brushed off.

So now that has trickled into my current. Anytime my s/o does something that irks me or pisses me off (show out in front of muthafuccas)...I go mute on her. And that shyt can last all day. Even when she wants to talk about it...I don't. Its more about leaving me be, and letting me deal wit my emotions on my own. I'm use to it.

Cuz apologizing does nothin for me. Talkin it out does nothin for me. Let me be pissed until that shyt dissipates. Then I can move on eventually. A lot of petty shyt b/t us could've been resolved had I allowed it.