Did you desire that because you didn’t feel like you were capable of that yourself. So they were sort of a catalyst or an encouragement to be that way with their bravado as your cover? If so..
Do you think your evolution in your pursuit of freedom has weakened it as an attraction in others in your eyes because you can now generate it from within. Because you are now operating with a surplus you no longer need it as much so it’s not as inviting?
Outside question, do you think we are more attracted to what we lack as opposed to what we have in abundance?