Dwayne
Not Like Us
When they are trustable.
Right now my son has the illusion of privacy but I frequently check his bag, draws, and closet. When he had a phone I checked that too.
All when he’s not looking/awake
It is what it is.
Is removing the door from a child’s room an acceptable punishment?
- Thread starter 5th Letter
- Start date
Right now my son has the illusion of privacy but I frequently check his bag, draws, and closet. When he had a phone I checked that too.
All when he’s not looking/awake
It is what it is.
RozayTabernacle
The Bawse
My parents did this when I was 14 and caught me with a pack of cigs. It was a pain at first but got used to it. It was off for yeaaaars
IP360
Doctorate & Ph.D in Bootyology
100%
Bender Rodriguez
Kiss my shiny metal ass
Man fuck these bad ass kids yall niggas sofTTTTT as fuck. Having to talk to a child 5011 times just for em not to do whatever yall do/ or dont do.
konceptjones
The one between three and three.
You don't get privacy in MY house. you want "privacy", that happens when you move out, otherwise deal with it.
Now... Having said that, when each of my kids turned 18, they were afforded a degree of privacy. I could pop onto any of my kids PC's by remote and observe what they were doing, but at 18, I stop doing that. Until they were 18, they had to turn in their phones at 9pm sharp. We had a spot for all of their phones to be deposited at night. Also, the kids were not allowed to have social media of any type until 18 and I would routinely audit their PC's and phones until they hit that age.
My wife would go through their rooms until she physically couldn't anymore. Then I did it. Diaries were off limits but pretty much everything else was fair game.
You're supposed to guide and protect your child. In order to do that you need to know what they're up to, so then there's no such a thing as "privacy" in your home. You know what they're doing and who they're with. That's life, especially in this day and age. You instill values in your children, but that needs to be audited periodically in order to make sure you kids are on the straight and narrow.
Now... having said that, you could wind up with a mischievous, smart ass of a kid like me, that knew his moms was going through his shit from time to time and would do stuff like cooking up salt or sugar crystals after school and bagging it up, taking powdered sugar and rolling it into ziploc bags, and mixing oregano and burnt leaves from the back yard into ziploc bags to make it appear as if I'm a drug dealer. Let her find it hidden very well in my closet, gettin yelled at and cussed out over it until I told her to "taste it" and having moms realize I played her so she wouldn't pull that shit again anytime soon.
I was an only child latchkey kid of an aspiring helicopter parent...meaning when my mom was home she was up my ass but when she was gone (which was most of the day), I did wtf I wanted. So I pretty much lived both worlds of privacy and no privacy. Reflecting on that experience, that "you have no privacy in my house" shit didnt teach me anything or prepare me for life. It didn't make me perform any better in school/sports, it didn't make my mom and I closer, didn't make me more confident, and none of the conduct I exhibit as an adult is a result of that. It didn't make me a better person or more well behaved.
I understand consequences for actions and the role of parents is protection and guidance and that parents need to establish they aint their kids' friend. But a kid dont need to be stripped of their autonomy in order to achieve that. Those are the teenage kids that are gonna drink at a party and attempt to drive drunk or catch a ride with their friends instead of calling their parents to pick em up cuz they scared of coming to their parents with mistakes and bad decisions.
Again, if that worked for you I cant disagree with it. Some kids may need that type of monitoring some dont. I'm just thinking on how I was parented and what approaches were meaningful and what wasn't.
konceptjones
The one between three and three.
It ain't about bonding, preparing you for life, school performance, or any of that: It's about making sure you're safe and not heading the wrong direction by trying to sneak some shit. Today ain't like how it is when I was a kid. We didn't have ANY of this shit we have now. When I turned 18 it was a huge deal to even own a beeper and the assumption was that the only real reason you needed one was 'cause you were slangin'. Nowadays kids have phones with every manner of social media out there. I saw what Myspace and Friendster was doing to kids and we said "nope, y'all can't have that until you're 18" and stood on it. In some respects it's the equivalent of your parents meeting all your friends before y'all can go hanging out. While you might not have done that, we did back inna day. My parents wasn't lettin' us out the yard with nobody else unless they knew who they were. To that end, we met all of our kids friends and their parents. Their parents had our numbers and vice-versa. It was all a matter of keeping them safe.
Of my kids, three have no desire to drink smoke, or experiment in any way with drugs. The eldest, at 29, is the only one that drinks and smokes (which I found out about when she was 18 and in college, but I kept a hands-off approach to it). Our kids had no issues coming to us with their problems... some of them we really kinda didn't need to know about but we were glad they felt comfortable enough to come to us.
Can't leave shit up to chance these days. It ain't like the 70's and 80's by a long shot. It's better to know what they're doing than not.
mavrik2190
New Member
I have no problem with it. It's the mothers house and she can do as she pleases, as long as it's within the law.
Inglewood_B
Active Member
This man here gets it.
My niece that lives with me 11 years old, I got her a cell phone and I learned the hard way. The type of shit she was looking at and posting on tick tock and messages from people on Snapchat and group chats she had going. Nothing sexual (yet!) but just wayyyyy too grown for her age.
If you not monitoring what your kids are up to, they WILL get into some shit, no matter how good you think they are.
As a parent it’s your job to be ON THE JOB about this stuff.
That’s how white kids was building pipe bombs and arsenals and plotting out school shootings right up under their parents noses, when we were growing up. Parents giving them too much “privacy”.
“I never knew… he seemed like a good boy.” Nope!!! Connor was locked up in that room reading turner diaries and watching faces of death videos on the internet, plotting to kill Becky because she ignored him, and Lance for being the football team captain who was rearranging her guts. All while they was “giving him his privacy”.
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There's no one size fits all when it comes to parenting. Some kids may need the extra monitoring and lack of privacy and for others it may have the opposite intended affect and cause them to be sneakier and thus getting into more dangerous shit. Having grown up with one parent who felt the need to invade my privacy I can say for me and my personality it made me closed off to them and resent that shit and never told them anything. Meanwhile with my Dad me and him were close as hell because he gave me the reasonable amount of room I needed to grow and thus I always felt comfortable coming to him with things. I feel like you can monitor your kids activities and lives without completely removing any semblance of privacy or personal autonomy they have. Because at some point they're gonna need to make decisions on their own and I've seen multiple instances, i see it quite often actually because of my job, of people who have no clue what to do because they're so used to having their parents always running their lives for better or worse.
Inglewood_B
Active Member
Both played exactly the role they needed to. While it’s good for both parents to be on the same page, it doesn’t work if both are authoritarian or both lax.
You need a “good cop-bad cop”
Nah this wasn't good cop bad cop situation. And there's a line between being authoratative and not allowing your child any room at all and smothering them. That line was crossed so often it didn't even exist after a certain point. And when it's to the point that you're violating other people's kids then that's too far. I'll give an example...one time a friend of mine and I decided to borrow some clothes from each other. He had this fly ass Blue sweatsuit I wanted to wear and I had a new leather jacket i had bought so we swaped for a night. My mom sees me in the outfit and instead of just asking where the outfit came from she immediately busts down, literally broke it off the hinges, my door and decides she must go through every single item in my closet and drawers because she swore i was now selling drugs because she didn't believe me when i told her where i got the outfit from. Even called my friend's mom to "confirm" she bought the outfit for him. And unfortunately that's one of many stories I can tell regarding a violation of not only mines but other people's personal stuff because of that type of paranoia. It didn't instill anything positive at all but it did breed an extreme level of distrust and combativeness towards people that took a very long time to outgrow.
Meeks
The One with the Pretty Eyes.
I wouldn’t do this.
I also wouldn’t post it on social media if I was a parent who did.
I also want to say that we live in a world full of weird ass individuals who are also delusional because somehow the “kids of today” are nothing like them. They are just like us and THEM. The difference is social media and technology now. The kids of today are no different than everyone else. They are just navigating life with influences others didn’t really have.
I also wouldn’t post it on social media if I was a parent who did.
I also want to say that we live in a world full of weird ass individuals who are also delusional because somehow the “kids of today” are nothing like them. They are just like us and THEM. The difference is social media and technology now. The kids of today are no different than everyone else. They are just navigating life with influences others didn’t really have.