Full Transparency = Good Parenting?
- Thread starter Goldie
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mryounggun
OG
Depends on a number of factors. I can’t make a blanket statement about it one way or the other.
Depends.
I'm on the side of "breaking generation curses" and secrets are a huge problem in black families. I think if it's something the kid has a chance to learn from somebody else you might as well keep it real and tell em yourself.
But also... it's just some shit kids don't need to know.
I'm on the side of "breaking generation curses" and secrets are a huge problem in black families. I think if it's something the kid has a chance to learn from somebody else you might as well keep it real and tell em yourself.
But also... it's just some shit kids don't need to know.
TTBF
Get well soon 🦉🇨🇦
You can show your kids the b side and how to avoid those pitfalls without having to detail exactly how it might have played out for you. Otherwise what some of you are describing just becomes a transfer of trauma.
We too often focus on keeping it real instead of actually using that transparency to teach them something.
We too often focus on keeping it real instead of actually using that transparency to teach them something.
Buckets_Biaaaaatch
Member
Naw, you don’t just go telling kids stuff like that.
If they ask, then tell them.. but only when they are old enough to understand.
If they ask, then tell them.. but only when they are old enough to understand.
Inglewood_B
OG
And even then, some times still no.
Just to throw a personal story out there…
Some months after my parents split up, we moved out of my childhood home and into some apartments. At the time, we (kids) just saw it as we were finally moving to a “better” neighborhood.
I put better in quotations because Watts -> Inglewood is a marginal improvement. Still a lot of the same issues, but that home in Watts we live next door to a literal trap house. I’m talkin smokers and fiends lined up behind the garage, police raids with shotguns and helicopters and all that.
So even though we went from house to apartment, it felt like an upgrade. Now with my big adult brain I understand what really happened. Single father with 4 kids, and also often times helping take care of other neighborhood kids, pops couldn’t afford that mortgage. He lost that house.
He told us, many years later that we were about to be homeless… like in a matter of a few days. Pops caught a break, and convinced whoever this landlord was to let us get in without that deposit.
I was just starting 6th grade at the time, and I had friends who had been in that kind of situation and I saw the effect it had on them. Old enough to understand the situation but too young to do anything to help. That’s some heavy shit to put on a kid.
I seen the path that put some of my friends o…, a path I tried to get on later, but for me it was just trying to be cool… for them it was literal life and death.
Pops just went to work, did mad OT, and did what he had to do and shielded us from that stress… and it allowed me to just be a preteen kid who was into basketball, video games and girls, instead of worrying about the next meal or if we would be on the street.
Never knew how close to catastrophe we were, for them next few years, while he got right. And I thank him for that.
We didn’t NEED to know all the details, so long as he took care of business.
ImaInfluenza
Who do you think you are? I am
People need to start looking at child bearing and rasing as what it is. It’s a practice in human nature and the fact that we all were children at one point gives us great incite into what to do, if we accept what we truly experience as children.
Young children view adults a infallible until coheres into thinking other wise. Case in point, when I was a kid one of my friends mom was a prostitute. A well paid prostitute it seems because she made sure her son was financially taken care of.
As far as he knew his mom was his hero because he didn’t have a father like the other kids but he had more than the other kids. Until, the other kids found out what his mother did, told him it was a bad thing and made him believe it was.
Then he no longer saw her has infallible and now saw her as a hoe that other kids use to shame him.
The second stage of life is becoming a teenager, teenagers are arrogant and short sighted, they make bad mistakes and rebel against their parents. At this stage your parent could be Deion Sanders and the kid would find something wrong with him.
As shown in a documentary Deion Sanders made when his sons were growing up. So it’s not about what the parents do for a living or who the parent is.
The key is for the parent to understand that no matter what, their child is going to go through these stages, and the best you can do is help them cope with things emotionally and provide them healthy coping mechanisms for life.
Up until and through their ability to do it for themselves. There is no winning in parenting, that’s what people need to realize, you don’t win, their lives aren’t yours. What they end up doing are based on their choices.
The only thing you can do is guide them to be able to understand the choices they make.
Young children view adults a infallible until coheres into thinking other wise. Case in point, when I was a kid one of my friends mom was a prostitute. A well paid prostitute it seems because she made sure her son was financially taken care of.
As far as he knew his mom was his hero because he didn’t have a father like the other kids but he had more than the other kids. Until, the other kids found out what his mother did, told him it was a bad thing and made him believe it was.
Then he no longer saw her has infallible and now saw her as a hoe that other kids use to shame him.
The second stage of life is becoming a teenager, teenagers are arrogant and short sighted, they make bad mistakes and rebel against their parents. At this stage your parent could be Deion Sanders and the kid would find something wrong with him.
As shown in a documentary Deion Sanders made when his sons were growing up. So it’s not about what the parents do for a living or who the parent is.
The key is for the parent to understand that no matter what, their child is going to go through these stages, and the best you can do is help them cope with things emotionally and provide them healthy coping mechanisms for life.
Up until and through their ability to do it for themselves. There is no winning in parenting, that’s what people need to realize, you don’t win, their lives aren’t yours. What they end up doing are based on their choices.
The only thing you can do is guide them to be able to understand the choices they make.
ImaInfluenza
Who do you think you are? I am
Bars
400Degreez
Tees, Rees & Bauds
My son is 6 about to 7 in a few months. He's into Spider-Man and Lankybox.
My biggest thing is letting him be a kid.
I used to think my upbringing would affect him because I didn't have those gems dropped to me. I have no handbook.
I just do everything opposite of what my dad did to us. That works great for me.
My biggest thing is letting him be a kid.
I used to think my upbringing would affect him because I didn't have those gems dropped to me. I have no handbook.
I just do everything opposite of what my dad did to us. That works great for me.