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Full Transparency = Good Parenting?

Goldie

Goldie

and Baka's got a weird case, why is he around??
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This was a debate topic on the JBP. Is full transparency necessary for providing life lessons to your child?

If the dad was abusive, should the mom tell the child when they get older to help the child prevent it from happening to them?

If mom was a stripper, should the father let the child know?

If one of them cheated, etc.


JBP debate:

 
Nah, none of that shit is needed. What matters is if the kid/s came out ok. I know a couple of women that were strippers back inna day that have professional careers and families and their kids have no idea that's what mom used to do. And it doesn't matter either. Same for cats that used to sell dope way back. Some dudes have families and shit and that part of their lives has no relevancy to what they're doing today.

Sometimes you can leave the past where it is.
 
Meh...it depends on what it is. I'd like to think it'd be better to do that when they're a lot older. But you talkin divulging EVERYTHING...no. Definitely not.
 
When they are old enough to understand the conversation…yep

Recent had to keep it real with one of my kids just last night.
As long as the can properly ask the question, they can and should get a response
 
Depends on why they're being told this information. Like in the instance of an abusive parent I think after a certain age that's important to know because after a certain point you also need to know your parents as actual people and not just your parent. And something like one of them being abusive is an important thing to know. Especially because it most likely affected that person's childhood.

Certain other things are on a need to know basis. If it's something that can cause the kid to be shamed or embarrassed then yeah tell them. Or else you're kinda setting them up.
 
Sometimes you could be a victim of information overload, I think that’s what plagues a lot of people today. There are so many different outlets that give out information, that it could be a little too much. When it comes out to full transparency and parenting? I believe personally, that certain buffers should not be stripped away, because it doesn’t help you moving forward. It doesn’t truly help you as a man, to tell your son, that his mother used to be a stripper or lived in that dark life because it ruins the dynamic that he has in terms of confidence built up for the image that his mother is supposed to maintain and then the respect he has for you because he won’t be able to verbally express how mad he is at you for setting him up. At least not at one point, but he definitely will look down on you because he’ll say to himself. Why did you let me go through this?
 
Depending on the situation yes, transparency is important. Especially teenagers. My mom when I was in my teens tried the best she could not to talk shit about my dad in front of us. However, it is was it is he was a shitty partner to my mom & he was only a dad to us when it was convenient for him. Am I saying every single detail has to be put out there, no.
 
Can you operate as a parent with some transparency? Yes. But full transparency? I just don’t see how being that way 100% of the time can work or be sustainable long term in most relationships much less parenting.
 
Goldie said:
This was a debate topic on the JBP. Is full transparency necessary for providing life lessons to your child?

If the dad was abusive, should the mom tell the child when they get older to help the child prevent it from happening to them?

If mom was a stripper, should the father let the child know?

If one of them cheated, etc.


JBP debate:

Click to expand...



Letting somebody know about abuse is fine. Letting them know they were a stripper or dope boy is not really needed if the child didn’t already know. Stuff like drug use is iffy though because if y’all lose the house and your kid is like 13-16 they might need to know.


But for a kid that’s like 8 I wouldn’t go into full detail
 
SeaSnake said:
Letting somebody know about abuse is fine. Letting them know they were a stripper or dope boy is not really needed if the child didn’t already know. Stuff like drug use is iffy though because if y’all lose the house and your kid is like 13-16 they might need to know.


But for a kid that’s like 8 I wouldn’t go into full detail
Click to expand...

Idk….telling your kids about failures and mistakes you made I believe are necessary

For example…my grandfather died of AIDS when I was 6 years old and he was a heroin addict. My father didn’t sugar coat anything…he told me EVERYTHING that happened and he even took me to his wake so I could SEE how he looked in his casket.

When I was 7, the following year, my maternal grandfather died of Lung Cancer from heavy smoking usage…my mother told me everything that happened

My father would tell me his stories with women during his time in the military…and how he once got an STD from fucking a Korean chick…he told me this at the age of 11

Despite the full transparency….it taught me a lot about consequences and the importance of firm decision making and accountability

Because of that, growing up in Brooklyn I never smoked and I didn’t start drinking until I was older…and I was super sketchy about girls that wanted to deal with me lol


The only time I believe parents shouldn’t tell all of their business is when there’s no valuable lesson for the child to grasp…a single mother talking shit to her son about what she thinks his father does DOES NOT need to be disclosed because that some unnecessary emotional shit
 
dodge said:
Idk….telling your kids about failures and mistakes you made I believe are necessary

For example…my grandfather died of AIDS when I was 6 years old and he was a heroin addict. My father didn’t sugar coat anything…he told me EVERYTHING that happened and he even took me to his wake so I could SEE how he looked in his casket.

When I was 7, the following year, my maternal grandfather died of Lung Cancer from heavy smoking usage…my mother told me everything that happened

My father would tell me his stories with women during his time in the military…and how he once got an STD from fucking a Korean chick…he told me this at the age of 11

Despite the full transparency….it taught me a lot about consequences and the importance of firm decision making and accountability

Because of that, growing up in Brooklyn I never smoked and I didn’t start drinking until I was older…and I was super sketchy about girls that wanted to deal with me lol


The only time I believe parents shouldn’t tell all of their business is when there’s no valuable lesson for the child to grasp…a single mother talking shit to her son about what she thinks his father does DOES NOT need to be disclosed because that some unnecessary emotional shit
Click to expand...

I hear you but I had an uncle who drank a lot and died from it I was 7 only thing my dad told me was he drank too much and we learned it causes issues from school. I don’t think you gotta sugar coat but I don’t need all the details before I’m 10.


I just viewed it like don’t do things in excess
 
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