DOS_patos
Unverified Legion of Trill member
As a sexuality researcher and college professor, I have a unique window into young people’s sexual lives. One of the most significant changes to teenage sexuality that I’ve seen in recent years has to do with the increase of “rough sex” — a trend influenced by widely accessible pornography, popular erotica such as Fifty Shades of Gray and social media.
Given how widespread rough sex has become among young people and some of the harms I’ve seen, I’m convinced that every parent, caregiver and educator needs to know about this trend — even if (and perhaps especially if) they cannot fathom their teenager would ever try it.
Indeed, when we’ve asked college students why they engage in rough sex, they generally say that they engage in it because it feels exciting or adventurous, or that it’s just the way that sex is done these days. Young people sometimes describe worrying they will be “vanilla shamed” — written off as boring — if they’re not into rough sex. Some young men worry they won’t be viewed as masculine if they don’t choke or slap their partner.
Where are they getting the message that rough sex is common, expected and desirable? Young men often describe learning about rough sex from pornography, whereas young women often describe learning about rough sex from social media memes, TikTok and fan fiction. Teens also learn about rough sex from friends, partners, television shows like Euphoria and The Idol, and popular music (Jack Harlow’s “Lovin on Me” is a recent example).
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Given how widespread rough sex has become among young people and some of the harms I’ve seen, I’m convinced that every parent, caregiver and educator needs to know about this trend — even if (and perhaps especially if) they cannot fathom their teenager would ever try it.
What is rough sex?
As I describe in my new book, Yes, Your Kid: What Parents Need to Know About Today’s Teens and Sex, the term “rough sex” refers to a diverse group of sex acts such as choking, smothering, spanking and slapping. For sexual activities that occur between women and men, the woman is nearly always the person on the receiving end of rough sex, and the man is nearly always the person doing the choking or slapping or smothering. However, rough sex happens between people of all genders and sexual orientations. Some teens begin exploring rough sex early in their development, such as when they start making out. For others, the exploration begins as they become more sexually experienced.Rough sex as a new norm
In my research, I’ve found that many young people think that sex is supposed to be rough. According to a recent national survey from Common Sense Media, the average age at which young people first see pornography, whether on purpose or by accident, is 12 years old. Given how easy it is to access pornography (the Pew Research Center finds that 95% of teenagers have access to a smartphone), many teens watch pornography for several years before becoming sexually active with a partner. These repeated exposures can create a sense of how sex is “supposed” to play out — especially when what young people see online is not balanced by sexuality education at home or in schools.Indeed, when we’ve asked college students why they engage in rough sex, they generally say that they engage in it because it feels exciting or adventurous, or that it’s just the way that sex is done these days. Young people sometimes describe worrying they will be “vanilla shamed” — written off as boring — if they’re not into rough sex. Some young men worry they won’t be viewed as masculine if they don’t choke or slap their partner.
Where are they getting the message that rough sex is common, expected and desirable? Young men often describe learning about rough sex from pornography, whereas young women often describe learning about rough sex from social media memes, TikTok and fan fiction. Teens also learn about rough sex from friends, partners, television shows like Euphoria and The Idol, and popular music (Jack Harlow’s “Lovin on Me” is a recent example).
The rest at:
Choking, smothering, slapping: More teens are having rough sex. Here’s why.
Rough sex has become mainstream for many teens and young adults. Here's why that can be harmful.
