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2023/2024 Football/Soccer Thread ⚽️

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💬 Quote of the day

“I'll have a big chippy. That's my recharge meal. Fish, chips, sausage, curry sauce. Covered in salt and vinegar. Sorry to the Spurs nutritionists if they're watching.” - James Maddison on his post match meal.

FOOTBALL​

🪙 In da club​

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50 Cent always had an eye for a good deal.

So after seeing Ryan Reynolds rake in the cash flogging AFC Wrexham foam fingers, and Tom Brady bag himself a few new followers with a stake in Birmingham, the American rapper wanted a slice of the pie.
But unfortunately Fiddy isn’t quite the bankrolling tycoon he once was.

After blowing a $450m fortune on dodgy investments, diamond-encrusted G-Wagons, and sex tape payouts, he filed for bankruptcy in 2015.

So with the leading lights of the Premier League slightly out of budget, he settled on a more affordable investment: Welsh U14 girls team AFC Rumney.

After meeting one of the girl’s dad while on tour, Fiddy jumped at the chance to sponsor the Cardiff And District Junior League side, and get his name on their shirts for the fiery local derby against hated rivals Llanrumney Athletic.

They’ll be in the WSL in no time.


FOOTBALL
🚑 Luis cannon

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Luis Suarez always had a remarkable ability to make the slightest touch look like he’d been hit by a bulldozer, and it’s good to see he’s still got it…


FOOTBALL​

🍬 Trusted by the best​

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After pioneering a revolutionary new gummy bear, supplements brand Supreme CBD were on the hunt for the most respected minds in science to front their new ad campaign.

With David Icke unavailable, they were delighted to secure the services of a well-regarded south coast researcher by the name of Matt Le Tissier.

The Southampton legend took time out from warning of a “communist takeover” and Bin Laden masterminding the new 20mph speed limit to extol the benefits of their CBD gummies.

And he’s even roped in a few mates too - healthcare experts Paul Merson and Dean Windass are among the brand’s other ambassadors, although Dean is unlikely to be given free rein on the company’s social media channels.

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Merson and Windass are joined by Jodie Marsh and Kerry Katona on the company’s website, next to the slogan: “Trusted by the best, loved by all.”

FOOTBALL​

💉 We’re gonna need some stronger stuff​

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Former Arsenal man Paul Merson has been particularly vocal in promoting the gummies, heralding their stress-busting qualities and “calming effect”.

Although he didn’t do their marketing team too many favours this week…

Appearing on a Sky Sports panel opposite former referee Mike Dean, Merson absolutely lost his marbles when Mike suggested former players “don’t know the laws of the game”.

“Come on, there is no law… You’re all scared” he screamed at the startled ref, before host Simon Thomas intervened, telling him to calm down and apologising to the sound department.

Guess he forgot to take his morning dose…


💉 Quick hits​

🍿 From the dick pic that triggered the demise of Dutch football to Andy Murray’s midnight meltdown, we dissect the funniest stories of the week in our latest YouTube video.

We think it’s pretty funny, but don’t take our word for it - just ask Man United fanzine United We Stand…

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⏲️ Kenya’s Kelvin Kiptum set a new men’s record marathon time last weekend of 2:00:35. That’s 4:33/mile for 26.2 miles.

🚬 According to Colin Kazim-Richards, Andrea Pirlo allowed players to smoke in the dressing at half time while managing Turkish side Fatih Karagümrük.

🍩 Hours after being convicted of tax fraud yesterday, Bernie Ecclestone was spotted queueing for doughnuts in Borough Market.

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