2023/2024 Football/Soccer Thread ⚽️

[dontdiedontkillanyone]

FOOTBALL​

A wee bit of Charlie​

Passport. Knock off Ray Bans. Pre-emptive chlamydia tablet. Essentials for any young singleton jetting off to Ibiza.

Unless you’re semi-professional footballer Andre Trenton, who tried to sneak 3.27 grams of cocaine onto the island.

The former Gillingham player only made it as far as Gatwick’s border control, where he told police officers that the five bags they’d found were leftovers from the weekend.

In fairness, Trenton was simply following the example of renowned playboy Frank McAvennie, Scotland’s answer to George Best.

Caught with 0.381 grams of coke in his jeans at Stansted in 1996, the former West Ham striker shrugged and told police: “It’s just a wee bit of Charlie.”

Asked if he meant cocaine, Frank told them: “Aye, it’s supposed to be. I don’t actually know if it’s cocaine or not.”

Considering the judge let him off with a fine, it was probably mostly washing powder.

 

[dontdiedontkillanyone]

FOOTBALL​

Gator aid​

Speaking of Old Firm legends making rogue trips abroad, former Rangers winger Ryan Kent is settling in nicely at Fenerbahce.

But there’s one item left on his to-do list: Kent is trying to find a pet sitter for his two crocodiles - imported, of course, from Glasgow.

Known for his unusual interest in reptiles, the winger once gave teammate Nikola Katic a snake for Secret Santa.

Let loose, it quickly cleared the Rangers dressing room after crawling up the defender’s arm.

Anyone brave enough to respond to Kent’s ad on social media will be rewarded with an “astonishing” four-figure monthly salary and health insurance for keeping the animals in check.

They’ll probably need it.

Aside from his amateur zookeeping, Kent’s time in Scotland will probably be remembered for one thing.

Scoring a brilliant equaliser and then punching Scott Brown in the face during one particularly tempestuous derby in 2019.

 

[dontdiedontkillanyone]

E-SPORTS​

Rocket fan​

There was a time when E-Sports were the domain of daylight-starved stoners and Dorito munching porn addicts.

But these days video games are a multi-billion dollar sport, followed by hordes of balaclava-clad ultras with neck tattoos and Stone Island jackets.

At a Rocket League event in Dusseldorf last week, fans of French team Karmine Corp arrived decked head to toe in club gear and did “the Poznan” dance.

As you can imagine, the players went absolutely mental.

At least they’re getting out of the house…

 

[dontdiedontkillanyone]

Quick hits​

Disgraced Spanish FA chief Luis Rubiales played 4 games for Scottish side Hamilton Academical in 2009.

German footballer Nadiem Amiri turned down a move to Leeds after taking a tour of the city.

Boxer David Haye has once again shuffled the deck in his three way relationship, recruiting a new girlfriend to the infamous “throuple”:

 

[Infamous114]

 

[Infamous114]

 

[Infamous114]

 

[Big_Ev]

 

[Infamous114]

 

[Infamous114]

 

[toheeb27]

Heard we are trying to hijack one of your transfers. But knowing u guys, lord knows how serious u guys really are.

I really don’t want Chelsea signing any one else, but I will ALWAYS make an exception for another Nigerian. Let’s get it up to 4 Nigerians.

Spoiler

I was trying to claim Cole Palmer, but he is Kittitian

 

[dontdiedontkillanyone]

 

[Infamous114]

 

[Infamous114]

 

[Infamous114]

 

[Infamous114]

 

[Infamous114]

 

[Water Ur Seeds]

Ouch thats a tough draw...

 

[Big_Ev]

 

[toheeb27]

Damn, my boy keeps getting passed around. Low key wanted him to stay in the Championship and get consistent playing time.