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2022/2023 Football/Soccer Thread

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FOOTBALL​

🍿 You Alf Inge a laugh?​

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By now, you've probably seen the footage of Erling Haaland's dad getting kicked out of his hospitality box for taunting Real Madrid fans.

Alf Inge Haaland has denied reports he threw peanuts at the hysterical Madristas, and insisted he "had some good banter" with them.

But he isn't always the most reliable witness. The former Man City midfielder has long cultivated the myth that Roy Keane's horrific revenge 'tackle' ended his career.

When he retired two years later he asked: "Did that tackle end my career? Well, I never played a full game again, did I? It seems like a great coincidence, don’t you think?"

In fact, he played the rest of that game, plus half a friendly for Norway four days later and another 68 minutes in Leeds' next fixture.

It's true that he then had knee surgery and never played again, but that was his left knee. Keane stamped on his right.
 

FOOTBALL​

👨‍👦 Sorry pal, no wonderkids tonight​

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Getting kicked out of the VIP area is actually a bit of a Haaland family tradition.

A few years ago the above clip surfaced, showing a couple of burly Norwegian doormen bundling Erling out of some godawful Oslo nightclub.

Which reminds us of writer Clive Martin's amazing description: "Haaland has exactly the same vibe as the thousands of Scandi teenage boys I've met on my travels, the ones who lean into your ear and bellow 'the girls in here are fucking crazy man!”.
 

FOOTBALL​

🤝 Eddie operates a horizontal management structure so really we're equals​

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In the celebrity circus of modern football, assistant managers are the nameless, faceless cogs whose achievements often go unsung.

So can you blame Eddie Howe's number two Jason Tindall for coveting the limelight?

As revealed by an excellent Twitter account, Tindall is a bit of attention-seeker, barging into the middle of team photos and rushing ahead of Howe to shake hands with big-name opposition managers.

Besides the incredible clip above, here are a couple more examples:
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FOOTBALL​

🕺 Bomb the bass​

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Roy Keane always liked a pint and a scrap, but it's hard to imagine him a couple of pingers deep, dancing to Mr Fingers and telling a bloke called European Bob that he loves him.

So when the door staff of Manchester clubbing mecca The Hacienda spotted the United midfielder in the queue in the mid-90s, they were confused.

Heading out on his own, the United legend joined the queue with the pill-heads and Moss Side guys.

And the night could not have panned out in more Roy Keane fashion...
 

FOOTBALL​

🎮 Deflate my boobs​

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The coders behind Fifa have always won plaudits for the game's realistic portrayal of football's biggest names.

But as they move into the terrifying virgin territory of female players, the thirsty incels might need to contain their excitement.

Canadian striker Sydney Leroux has accused them of making her too "chesty" and over-plucking her eyebrows in the latest edition of the hit game.

She asked them to "Deflate my boobs a bit and put a different jersey on. I'll take the eyebrows."

Fair enough, although Sydney got off lightly compared to the sad, sunken-eyed depictions of Messi and Ronaldo in rival series eFootball...
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FOOTBALL​

🛀 VAR-y annoying​

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VAR might be about as popular as cholera, but it does produce the odd comedy moment.

After sending off Granit Xhaka's brother Taulant with a second yellow, the Swiss ref called him back from his early bath. The decision had been overturned.

But as the relieved midfielder jogged back towards the action, the ref showed him a straight red card and gave him a little "go on, eff off" gesture.

And back off he went...
 
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