2022/2023 Football/Soccer Thread

[dontdiedontkillanyone]

 

[dontdiedontkillanyone]

 

[Water Ur Seeds]

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How random the last line about Potter, it was like 'Oh and by the way...'

 

[Water Ur Seeds]

WE BACK!!!!!

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'My child, I've watched you grow up to be famous
And now I smile like a proud dad, watching his only son that made it'

 

[dontdiedontkillanyone]

Quote of the day​

"PSG is not a football club. It’s a pre-retirement club, even for 20-year-old players." - France legend Emmanuel Petit delivers a brutal verdict on the Parisian supervillains.

FOOTBALL​ Why do I always fall for the bad boys?​

As sacked Chelsea boss Graham Potter mulls over enticing offers from Rotherham and Chongqing Liangjiang Athletic, he'll be wary of white-toothed billionaires promising him the world. Graham was lured to Stamford Bridge by the smooth-talking yank Todd Boehly, who treated him to Prada polo necks, designer beard trims, and £80m Ukrainian wingers before dumping him for an old flame last week. It's not the first time the likeable gaffer has fallen foul of a sugar daddy. Potter built his name during a remarkable seven year spell with Swedish minnows Östersunds, who he led from the amateur fourth division to the knockout stage of the Europa League, beating Arsenal and Galatasaray on the way. But the fairytale wasn't all that it seemed. It turned out Östersunds chairman Daniel Kindberg (pictured above) was quietly siphoning millions of Krona from the Swedish taxpayer directly to the club, funding a huge transfer war chest. He was eventually caught out and jailed and Östersunds were relegated soon after.

 

[dontdiedontkillanyone]

FOOTBALL​ Have you thought about swapping the prize money for Claire's Accessories vouchers?​

Not so long ago, women's football was the subject of ridicule from gout-riddled blokes who believe in capital punishment and ask their wives to observe Steak and Blowjob Day. Thankfully, those Byzantine days are behind us, and now the stars of the women's game are held up as inspirational role models. So when the FA bigwigs cooked up a new campaign this week, they were keen to align their female players to feminist icons of the past. After edging out Rosa Parks and Emmeline Pankhurst, the unanimous winner was a twig-thin fashion-obsessed blonde figurine with massive jugs: Barbie. The social media campaign was swiftly deleted, but it's not the first time the FA has misjudged its marketing of the women's game. Back in 2016, the Sussex FA published a document on their website about how to get more girls involved with football. Among it's recommendations: female players should be provided with pink whistles, colourful bibs that “smell nice”, and be allowed breaks to stop and check their phones.

 

[dontdiedontkillanyone]

FOOTBALL​ Al-mania​

Following Emi Martinez's World Cup shootout bastardry, the game's lawmakers have banned goalkeepers from distracting kick takers with trash talk and needless dancing around. But that's probably not going to touch the sides in Albania, where fans threw actual explosives at a penalty taker as he nervously prepared to take the kick. Needless to say, he missed.

 

[dontdiedontkillanyone]

FOOTBALL​ King's ransom​

As Notts County prepare for their top of the table clash with Wrexham, their fans have been quick to remind the noveau-riche Welsh side they'll never be able to buy the history of the "world's oldest football club". It's a bit rich considering Notts were more than happy snuggle up to a mysterious Premier League-promising consortium back in 2009. If hook-handed hate cleric Abu Hamza had promised them top flight football they'd probably have said yes. Although it didn't exactly go to plan. Then in League Two, Notts were taken over by convicted fraudster Russell King, who appointed Sven-Goran Eriksson and signed England defender Sol Campbell and keeper Kasper Schmeichel. But Sven's suspicions were roused when Russell took him on a trip to North Korea, where some dodgy blokes asked him for help rigging the World Cup draw. It turned out the chairman was a penniless fraudster, who bankrupted the club and was sent back to the slammer. Still, at least they didn't make a Netflix doc about it...

 

[dontdiedontkillanyone]

FOOTBALL​ Inspire a generation​

Sure, Alexander Mitrovic deserved a red card for lightly shoving a ref. But his eight game suspension looks a little harsh considering Mexican ref Fernando Hernandez has only been banned for 12 matches after kneeing a mouthy player in the balls. In fairness to the FA, they want to clamp down on the petulant antics of Premier League stars creeping into the grassroots game. Which, judging by this Twitter exchange, is endemic...

It reminds us of Phil's famous letter to the Upshot describing how he copied Robbie Fowler's "snorting the touchline" celebration during a match at school. Watching the game as an eight-year-old, I didn’t understand what the celebration meant. So the following week, when I scored in a match at school, I ran to the touchline, got to my knees and snorted it like a fat line of bugle. The parents looking on were absolutely horrified, especially my own.

 

[dontdiedontkillanyone]

Quick hits​

New caretaker boss Frank Lampard declared re-joining Chelsea was an "easy decision for me, this is my club. I'm also a very practical person." Practical indeed... Lampard lives five minutes down the road from Stamford Bridge. One of Nick Faldo's ex-wives describes him as "socially a 24 handicapper". Arsenal striker Gabriel Martinelli won a £100 supermarket voucher in a school raffle near his home in Edgware. Erling Haaland is dating a Norwegian women's footballer.

 

[GNS]

 

[DNB1]

I don’t wanna laugh cause although I would be surprised if Chelsea beat RM…and the same time I wouldn’t be shocked.

 

[Valentinez A. Kaiser]

Spoiler: ...

 

[Valentinez A. Kaiser]

Papers already got a winners vs losers list with Lamps back at the helm

Basically if you're English, you're winning plus potentially
Ziyech
Auba
Pulisic
Mendy

Everyone else is liable to take an L concerning playing time eg cucurella, Kepa, koulibaly and whoever else was new since Boehly takeover (ex manz)

REVEALED: Lampard's Chelsea 'favourites' (and Mason Mount ISN'T top)

Frank Lampard's return to Chelssea could provide a boost to Mason Mount and Edouard Mendy's hopes of increased gametime judging from minutes played during his first stint in charge.

www.dailymail.co.uk

 

[Water Ur Seeds]

Yo, this is really one for the Boxing thread but can we leave this video here as its proper English humour that some Americans dont get...

Groves's little wind up comments and Froch's grandiose David Brent personalty makes for hilarious dynamic...

 

[Big_Ev]

 

[Valentinez A. Kaiser]

He look like a crackhead!

Another one of Lampard’s failures

 

[toheeb27]

Another one of Lampard’s failures

 

[GNS]

Hey I'd actually appreciate it if this muhfucka doesn't play against us.
Niggaz love redemption stories against United.
Sit him down dychee

 

[Big_Ev]

Hey I'd actually appreciate it if this muhfucka doesn't play against us.
Niggaz love redemption stories against United.
Sit him down dychee

He wouldn't play anyway. He is not registered.