Welcome To aBlackWeb

Register

When is it okay to open up to your woman?

Swabbie said:
Forgive me man, I'm not trying to be thick. I was just struggling to see the connection between anything I was saying to things like DV and cheating.
Click to expand...
Men are revered for cheating on women. That's just being a Playa. You get all kinds of props for that. But crying or otherwise showing emotion -- supposedly -- will get you ridiculed and mocked.

And so that. Is bullshit. Full stop. That we all know women who have stayed with, defended and protected abusive and cheating ass men but think that there are no women who can stay, defend, or protect a man who sheds tears in front of them, is bullshit.

The same women who loved men who have done them wrong could just as easily love them if they were to open up to them.
 
I think most men are like "im not about to see IF my chick will leave if i cry so i might as well not show her that emotion if the first place" case closed
 
Bender Rodriguez said:
I think most men are like "im not about to see IF my chick will leave if i cry so i might as well not show her that emotion if the first place" case closed
Click to expand...

And that's where I think people like AP have a point. I'm not big on showing emotions but if you feel like you might want to but you can't, she might not be worth continuing on with. If you are an emotional person, it might be best to add the ability to be emotional with as one of the things you are looking for.

There is a conversation around whether or not being emotional is as beneficial as it's billed that I think we need to re-visit as a society.
 
Swabbie said:
Maybe choose your words wiser. I doubt many people like being called fragile and insecure, especially with respect to something that they are doing to protect their mental health. Being open with someone only to have them use it against you is painful, extremely so in some cases. This particular grievance is one that should be approached with empathy, which I don't think your strategy employs.
Click to expand...

I said insecure. I didn't say fragile for a reason. So I did choose the words carefully. And the strategy is employed with empathy. It's encouraging somebody to move past previous bad experiences and keep living their life in a way where they don't gotta constantly put up a front around if anybody the 1 person they should be able to be open with.
 
BlackRain said:
I said insecure. I didn't say fragile for a reason. So I did choose the words carefully. And the strategy is employed with empathy. It's encouraging somebody to move past previous bad experiences and keep living their life in a way where they don't gotta constantly put up a front around if anybody the 1 person they should be able to be open with.
Click to expand...

Nah, I just saw you co-signed the fragile male ego thing I think a page or two back, mb. Encouraging healing and wellbeing is what's up. You just come off as aggro re:men. There is no empathy in telling a person the problem lies with them (they are insecure) when it doesn't. Telling them the thing they fear is the problem and that it isn't something they need to accept is fine. Relaying the information that there does exists people out there in the world who are capable partners in this regard is simple enough without denigrating a person or making them feel like they are not mature enough.
 
I just did this evening when I came home. Been working on this project that's $250k since January. Everything about it is stressing me, designing it from scratch, printing drawings, ordering stuff, etc. The customer visiting next month.
She gave me a sense of just breathing and taking it one step at a time.
She gave me that confidence and confirmation I knew was there.
Best analogy I can use is I was a pot of boiling water. She took the lid off.
Plus tomorrow she's coming to my job with our son and he's excited to see daddy's new desk.
 
Swabbie said:
Nah, I just saw you co-signed the fragile male ego thing I think a page or two back, mb. Encouraging healing and wellbeing is what's up. You just come off as aggro re:men. There is no empathy in telling a person the problem lies with them (they are insecure) when it doesn't. Telling them the thing they fear is the problem and that it isn't something they need to accept is fine. Relaying the information that there does exists people out there in the world who are capable partners in this regard is simple enough without denigrating a person or making them feel like they are not mature enough.
Click to expand...

Liking a post doesn't mean I agree with every single word of it. And I also am not ignoring the issue when it comes to the lack of empathy that's causing a person to feel that way. I've acknowledged that in multiple posts. Telling someone that they need to stop holding onto past hurt isn't denigrating them. And telling someone to not have a broad generalization based on a few experiences isn't denigrating either and it does take a certain level of maturity to have that realization.

Like I said earlier same way people would rightfully so call a woman out for bringing baggage from her old relationship into a new one it also goes both ways.
 
Bender Rodriguez said:
I think most men are like "im not about to see IF my chick will leave if i cry so i might as well not show her that emotion if the first place" case closed
Click to expand...

What type of nigga commits to spending the rest of his life with a woman without having any fucking idea if he is emotionally safe with her?

If I can’t cry around my woman, I don’t want her. Cuz guess what? Life is hard and, at some point, I’m prolly gonna cry in front of her.

I just don’t be understanding niggas thought process.
 
BlackRain said:
Liking a post doesn't mean I agree with every single word of it. And I also am not ignoring the issue when it comes to the lack of empathy that's causing a person to feel that way. I've acknowledged that in multiple posts. Telling someone that they need to stop holding onto past hurt isn't denigrating them. And telling someone to not have a broad generalization based on a few experiences isn't denigrating either and it does take a certain level of maturity to have that realization.

Like I said earlier same way people would rightfully so call a woman out for bringing baggage from her old relationship into a new one it also goes both ways.
Click to expand...

For sure, it's just that that was the whole post. There was only one thought expressed so by liking it I just don't see what else that could be interpreted as other than a co-sign. I also agree that helping a person to grow beyond negative experiences is definitely the move. I just don't quite see where "you are insecure", "you aren't mature enough", and "your ego is fragile" counts as empathetic. I mean, if it were in the context of some form of tough love, I'd understand; however, that would require them having been the root cause of the problem and them needing to be better, but they aren't, they are the wronged parties. What is presented here are men saying they are simply adjusting for women's expectations. It's clear that most here who are of that mind would if they didn't fear negative consequences. There are even those here who do have that and speak highly of it. The reaction to the former should never have been condemnation or criticism but understanding and encouragement.

A man fearing or being uncomfortable with being emotionally vulnerable with a woman for fear of how she may react is a victim of a miserable societal understanding, not a boy who doesn't understand good women and needs to grow up.
 
mryounggun said:
What type of nigga commits to spending the rest of his life with a woman without having any fucking idea if he is emotionally safe with her?

If I can’t cry around my woman, I don’t want her. Cuz guess what? Life is hard and, at some point, I’m prolly gonna cry in front of her.

I just don’t be understanding niggas thought process.
Click to expand...

I am assuming it's men who have no idea that women like that actually exist beyond their imaginations, given the "unicorn" comment some pages back. It's not a thought process, it's living a certain life and having it mold you a certain way. At least that's what they have been saying.
 
Being open isn't about crying or being vulnerable, no one is above either. It's about not putting your business out there like that with a female.

Men didn't involve women in their business much until recently. They kept most things close to the vest, because(not trying to be mean) women will put your business out there way too often if you tell them shit. If you break up, it's a given but even if you put a ring on her she'll likely still blab shit to others, because that's what women do period.

Men are not women, we don't need to spill our guts about shit. Nor should we. And if you do....don't complain about what she does when you open up. Some here think this is insecure, nah people who need to know everything are the insecure ones
 
ThaManMythLegnd said:
Being open isn't about crying or being vulnerable, no one is above either. It's about not putting your business out there like that with a female.

Men didn't involve women in their business much until recently. They kept most things close to the vest, because(not trying to be mean) women will put your business out there way too often if you tell them shit. If you break up, it's a given but even if you put a ring on her she'll likely still blab shit to others, because that's what women do period.

Men are not women, we don't need to spill our guts about shit. Nor should we. And if you do....don't complain about what she does when you open up. Some here think this is insecure, nah people who need to know everything are the insecure ones
Click to expand...

The bold is not only wrong in opinion but actually factually wrong as well. Men are no different in needing to express whatever stress they have going on in their lives. It's literally been seen as a leading cause of physical stress that affects men as we age and makes our lives not only mentally worse but physically as well
 
Swabbie said:
For sure, it's just that that was the whole post. There was only one thought expressed so by liking it I just don't see what else that could be interpreted as other than a co-sign. I also agree that helping a person to grow beyond negative experiences is definitely the move. I just don't quite see where "you are insecure", "you aren't mature enough", and "your ego is fragile" counts as empathetic. I mean, if it were in the context of some form of tough love, I'd understand; however, that would require them having been the root cause of the problem and them needing to be better, but they aren't, they are the wronged parties. What is presented here are men saying they are simply adjusting for women's expectations. It's clear that most here who are of that mind would if they didn't fear negative consequences. There are even those here who do have that and speak highly of it. The reaction to the former should never have been condemnation or criticism but understanding and encouragement.

A man fearing or being uncomfortable with being emotionally vulnerable with a woman for fear of how she may react is a victim of a miserable societal understanding, not a boy who doesn't understand good women and needs to grow up.
Click to expand...

It's always within the context of what a specific person is going through. If I'm talking to a person then I cater it specifically to them and how they like to receive information. And even as the wronged party there's only but so much "woe is me" before a person is now a willing participant in whatever is causing them to feel a certain way.

So a person who has been wronged and feels a way about it isn't insecure and needs to grow up. A person who is cautious about opening up isn't immature. But a person who says shit like "You can't ever open up to your woman"...yeah that's an immature statement and it shows they got some issues they need to work out within themselves. And I don't cosign ideas that allow folks to either wallow in self pity or paint an entire group with one broad brush
 
Swabbie said:
So far as I can tell it's some variation of "I don't open up to women because they'll lose respect for me"? So I'd say it's pretty much one why. If that is what you are being told, it sort of confuses me that the reaction would be... the exact same thing these women in these men's lives do - debase them.

And it's not intentionally picking any one thing, it's learning from life. You open up, get shit on, don't want to open up again. The problem in that equation isn't the hurt person, it's the person who did the hurting. Again, no one is denying that these sort of broads do exist and exist in such numbers that the idea of opening up to women being a recipe for disaster is widely known and understood and many men have first person experience with emotional moments being used against them by said women.

tl;dr the men aren't the problem here.
Click to expand...


Ok but who set the standard that men opening up is soft? I don’t think that came from women as a whole.

Bender Rodriguez said:
I think most men are like "im not about to see IF my chick will leave if i cry so i might as well not show her that emotion if the first place" case closed
Click to expand...


So if a family member dies are y’all saying the women y’all have dealt with would call you soft for crying? Leave the basic bitch.

Women who view men opening up as soft were told by somebody that it’s soft for men to cry and usually it’s boys and men who say crying is soft shit. Or don’t want to look soft even with a legit reason to be upset. Women didn’t create the macho man type of guy.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top