Mental health check!

BlackRain said:
I got mixed feelings on this. Yes after a certain point just talking doesn't actually change anything but as I get older I'm losing more sympathy for the whole "suffer in silence" thing. If you never speak up then you can't realistically expect anyone to actually give you the emotional support many men claim we are missing.
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Nah that shit hits home for me. I don’t know if it’s me lacking the right words, or the family just not understanding. I need to get a therapist to figure some shit out.

I’m either controlling or don’t care, there’s not a lot of in between with me. If you want me to not care about order, I’m going to be stoic. If you want me to be fun and carefree, I have to have order. I don’t know how to be care free in a disorderly environment.
 
TheNightKing said:
Nah that shit hits home for me. I don’t know if it’s me lacking the right words, or the family just not understanding. I need to get a therapist to figure some shit out.

I’m either controlling or don’t care, there’s not a lot of in between with me. If you want me to not care about order, I’m going to be stoic. If you want me to be fun and carefree, I have to have order. I don’t know how to be care free in a disorderly environment.
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Not being condescending when I say this...the bold is a you issue and probably not a good habit. What are we taught as men growing up? Closed mouths don't get fed. Ask for what you want. What do plenty of us get or have gotten annoyed with women for. Playing the "read my mind and know I'm upset game. I always said I can't expect more from my loved ones than I'm willing to give of myself. So if im not giving them that part of me then I can't expect them to know a need is going unfulfilled.
 
BlackRain said:
Not being condescending when I say this...the bold is a you issue and probably not a good habit. What are we taught as men growing up? Closed mouths don't get fed. Ask for what you want. What do plenty of us get or have gotten annoyed with women for. Playing the "read my mind and know I'm upset game. I always said I can't expect more from my loved ones than I'm willing to give of myself. So if im not giving them that part of me then I can't expect them to know a need is going unfulfilled.
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No you’re absolutely right. But I don’t have a problem speaking up. It’s just that what I want is seen as overbearing when all I’m trying to do is maintain order. And I’m not a tyrant or anything so I try to strike a balance, but in doing so I creep to the stoic side as shit dips below my standards. That’s the only way I can not be overbearing. I have to be more nonchalant instead of fun and care free.

I’m sure there’s something behind why I need control and order to feel comfortable and why I withdraw when I don’t have it.
 
TheNightKing said:
No you’re absolutely right. But I don’t have a problem speaking up. It’s just that what I want is seen as overbearing when all I’m trying to do is maintain order. And I’m not a tyrant or anything so I try to strike a balance, but in doing so I creep to the stoic side as shit dips below my standards. That’s the only way I can not be overbearing. I have to be more nonchalant instead of fun and care free.

I’m sure there’s something behind why I need control and order to feel comfortable and why I withdraw when I don’t have it.
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Yeah that would be a good thing to get to the bottom of. Especially if you're being told you can be a certain way. You may not directly see how it's affecting other people. There's a middle ground there between being stoic and feeling like you gotta have your hands on the steering wheel
 
Eyerone said:
my mental health recommendation is to take daily walks
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This is usually me on the weekends. I'm out on the trails for 2-3 hours at a time, sometimes longer. A lot of the pics I've posted in the last few years' Picture Thread came from those walks. Since it's getting warmer, I'm probably going to start out walking in the mornings and working my way up to jogging to get myself back in better shape which will help with my overall mental state. Shit ain't no good for your mental health when you look at yourself in the mirror after getting out of the shower and stand there wondering where it all went wrong.
 
Yesterday I finally got the 100% all clear to start work on Monday. Had a bit of a hiccup 'cause of some extra old shit in my background, but cleared it up after having a discussion with HR.




Also found out a few minutes ago that I'm even getting a paycheck next Friday.

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Can't even front, this year has had me absolutely stressed out and in a pretty fucked up, dark place. This is looking like the turning point for all of that.
 
Been fucked up for the past few days with tooth pain, shits so bad I went days with no sleep. Finally was able to see the dentist today and this mf gon say he only does extractions and I need a root canal. The root canal specialist won't be here until the 22nd


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Goldie said:
Been fucked up for the past few days with tooth pain, shits so bad I went days with no sleep. Finally was able to see the dentist today and this mf gon say he only does extractions and I need a root canal. The root canal specialist won't be here until the 22nd


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See if the local university has a dentistry school. You might be able to get it done there and prolly for cheap.
 
I was just out running errands and realized I've been clenching my jaw due to stress and anxiety. I gotta make a conscious effort to stop that shit.
 
Shit just became real a few hours ago. Got the welcome email along with the 1st day itinerary first thing this morning. They said I was 'posta get an invite to set up the corporate email account but I hadn't seen it towards the end of the day. Shot 'em a reply and one cat sent it out. I get the shit set up and hit my email: There's 40 fuckin emails in there already including an invite to get set up with the company's Slack joint. Nigga got crazy meeting invites and all kinda shit.

That really made it set in that I'm starting this new job on Monday. Tipping back a coupla tall cans tonight in celebration. Still gotta stop myself from clenching my jaw, but I'm in a much better place than even a few weeks ago.
 
First day at the new job.

A bruh broke as fuck. Had to borrow some loot from my youngest daughter for gas money to get to work which I fuckin' hate doing. Fucked around and forgot to pack a lunch while I was making breakfast this morning and didn't realize it until I got down the road. My ass like "well, breakfast is gonna hafta do, hope they coffee or tea or some shit up in there to drink.

Got in, met up with the it director I interviewed with a month ago. He was my first meeting for the day. Mans showed me my desk, introduced me to a bunch of the staff, and gave me a lil tour of the place. Showed me the conference rooms, then took me to a big conference hall were the "all hands" meeting usually took place and it was also the lunchroom. He was like "Oh yeah, this fridge is usually pretty stocked with drinks and whatnot, just help yourself." Opens one side: water bottles, sports drinks, Capri Sun (of all things), Red Bull in different flavors, those weird probiotic pops, etc then he pulls open the right side:

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At this point I'm like "Gotta restrain myself... Can't be THAT dude gettin smashed at work 'cause then they'll stop supplying it and muhfuckas would get mad". Walked me back to my area and on the way he points out the break room with two more small fridges stocked with more of those probiotic pops, Coke, more Red Bull, and water. The counter had bags of chips, cookies, nuts, and assorted other snacks plus the coffee maker.

We get back to our area and he's like "Hey, hurry up and get Slack set up so you can put in a lunch order, the admin orders lunch for us every day, you don't have to pay anything, just pick something from whatever link she drops in slack and let her know what your order is."


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So today a bruh had Thai, potato curry with beef, medium heat.

This spot is so damned relaxed, so fuckin chill, and got crazy perks to it. Yeah I'm still broke and we gonna eat yardbird for dinner for the next two nights until my unemployment hits my account, but I also get paid for this week on Friday, and that one week check will be almost as much as what I used to get for two weeks at my old gig.


Yeah... Ya boy whole ass mood has been elevated, stress has been reduced, anxiety is almost zero. Smiled all the fuckin' way home.

I sent a message to one of my boys about the beer at the office and free food, dude was like "Oh yeah, you ain't goin' nowhere!"
 
Mentally not doing great right now. Since February my sister, my sister in law and a nephew all passed and my niece in the hospital now with heart problems. I’m kinda fucked up right now. Going to work everyday has been a problem I have 0 motivation and I just think about death all the time like damn am I next? Idk what to do to get myself out of this feeling.
 
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