The Queen of Accountability is running wild out here....

AP4.0 said:
What's his day then du? Father's Day? His birthday?

I agree with you that his actions and response were not cool. He made a very irrational decision based on his feelings. I don't co-sign that
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If he's married to the mom, he already had his day
Wtf?
 
AP4.0 said:
Oh, nevermind. I get it now.

Well, I read when I can and come across statistics that support my post. Ummm let's see... Oh, on this very board, you can get a sense of some men who have not gotten over past hurt and some have even shared their stories about how difficult it has been for them to get past the hurt.

And also acknowledging my own personal experiences with trying to work through past hurt so if I'm not exempt from this, I feel pretty confident I can generalize with some liberties.

I have sought out professional help to deal with this. There are other who refuse to talk to anyone because of the stigma that has been attached to black men seeking therapy.
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Ok, you're drifting to something else. We off topic now.
 
konceptjones said:
Being real bruh, you have NO idea how you would react because that's not your reality right now and probably never will be. There's entirely too many stepfathers out there that all feel a sense of betrayal because of shit like this; the shit is real. You can say what you want, but until you've been in that situation alladat ^^^ you typed is really meaningless.

I say that respectfully, I ain't trying to start no shit, I'm just saying there's a lot of shit we all have opinions on but have never had to live through so we see it through the lens of privilege.
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Wrong

Not to get too much into my personal life, but I've definitely been here before.
 
RandomOne said:
I feel like a good compromise is letting both walk down the isle. Having just 1 definitely sends a specific message
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Imo too convoluted for me. Too crowded. Unless that was her specific request, I'd gracefully bow out and let her have her day with her father.
 
Duwop said:
Wrong

Not to get too much into my personal life, but I've definitely been here before.
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You raised a stepdaughter to adulthood and watched her walk down the aisle with a biological father that was never there or in and out???

hmmm.gif
 
konceptjones said:
You raised a stepdaughter to adulthood and watched her walk down the aisle with a biological father that was never there or in and out???

View attachment 1599056
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I literally just said I'm not gonna get too much into my personal life. But I have had to step up and be a parental figure for a child that wasn't mines.

And if the situation had continued up into adulthood I would gladly step back and let whoever that girl wanted to walk her down the isle to walk her down the isle.

I do not have a need to be acknowledged or celebrated. I took care of her because she needed it, no other reason.
 
Duwop said:
Imo too convoluted for me. Too crowded. Unless that was her specific request, I'd gracefully bow out and let her have her day with her father.
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I get the feeling you'd WANT her to walk down the isle with her biological dad for reasons that are for you instead of her
 
Duwop said:
I literally just said I'm not gonna get too much into my personal life. But I have had to step up and be a parental figure for a child that wasn't mines.

And if the situation had continued up into adulthood I would gladly step back and let whoever that girl wanted to walk her down the isle to walk her down the isle.

I do not have a need to be acknowledged or celebrated. I took care of her because she needed it, no other reason.
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So the answer is no.

You coulda just said that.

Just understand that until that's your reality, you have no clue as to how you would react. You can talk about it all you want, speculate, and alladat. But you will never understand it fully until that's your life.
 
Duwop said:
Clearly these dudes didn't have a genuine emotional connection with these young ladies, cuz you know when someone still wants that relationship with their father.

I think being a step father is a beautiful thing. But you can't mistake it for being their actual father when you know they still want a relationship with their biological father.

That's a step back and a space you should always give them grace on. Especially on emotional days like these. You have to expect conflict of emotions... And I've always been about making things easier for people I care about. I would have long told her, if you can get him to do it.... Get him to do it. If he can't or doesn't, you know I will be there for you like I've always been there for you. But this is your day, and if you want your father to walk you down, I will be supportive like I always have


Again, that's me. I'm not going to make that day any more stressful or conflicted for someone i claim to care about.
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You're not wrong. You're just missing the problem. And it's cool for you to say what you think would do in that situation, but respectfully, you don't know. Like if your stepdaughter came to you and told you what she was thinking, I believe you would do what you're saying. However, if you've gone 10-20+ years caring for a kid, always questioning whether or not that kid truly loves and appreciates you, you're probably going to feel a way when that kid tosses you to the side on a whim.

To be clear, I don't think the issue is that she wanted her biological father there. The issue is how she handled it all. She did it in a way that would inevitably make her stepfather feel jilted. After her fiance convinced her (I don't know why that nigga added his two cents in at all) to include her real father, she should have gone and had a one on one conversation with her stepfather. That alone might have been enough to avoid the mess, and it was the obvious thing to do. I believe she didn't do that because she knew there was a possibility that he might refuse to pay for the wedding if he knew ahead of time.
 
RandomOne said:
I get the feeling you'd WANT her to walk down the isle with her biological dad for reasons that are for you instead of her
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I'd want it for her if that's what she wanted

I'd want her to have the day she wants.

If she wants me to walk her down and was actively against her dad walking her down. Then I'd play my part and do what she wanted.

If she wanted her father to walk her down, i'd gracefully step aside

I would make it very clear it's her day, her choice. Whatever she wants.
 
konceptjones said:
So the answer is no.

You coulda just said that.

Just understand that until that's your reality, you have no clue as to how you would react. You can talk about it all you want, speculate, and alladat. But you will never understand it fully until that's your life.
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I disagree. I know me way better than you do.
 
As a stepfather, if my daughter did this to me, knowing how completely absent the sperm donor has been, I would completely write my daughter off. Because that means that even though i raised her, I failed to help her develop any sense of logic. So her wanting a loser to validate her ceremony of love means something has gone terribly wrong and she's beyond saving. At this point I write her off and wait for her to come back apologizing for being dumb. I won't rub it in, because if she's truly my daughter, she will know she was dumb.
 
The Lonious Monk said:
You're not wrong. You're just missing the problem. And it's cool for you to say what you think would do in that situation, but respectfully, you don't know. Like if your stepdaughter came to you and told you what she was thinking, I believe you would do what you're saying. However, if you've gone 10-20+ years caring for a kid, always questioning whether or not that kid truly loves and appreciates you, you're probably going to feel a way when that kid tosses you to the side on a whim.

To be clear, I don't think the issue is that she wanted her biological father there. The issue is how she handled it all. She did it in a way that would inevitably make her stepfather feel jilted. After her fiance convinced her (I don't know why that nigga added his two cents in at all) to include her real father, she should have gone and had a one on one conversation with her stepfather. That alone might have been enough to avoid the mess, and it was the obvious thing to do. I believe she didn't do that because she knew there was a possibility that he might refuse to pay for the wedding if he knew ahead of time.
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I'd still give her grace in the matter. She's young, she's unsure. It's a complicated situation. And miscommunication is a common part of life that I've learned to not take personally. Especially cuz girls can be fickled and impressionable.

It would be very easy for me to shrug it off and just concentrate on being supportive of giving her the day she wants.
 
Loneshot said:
As a stepfather, if my daughter did this to me, knowing how completely absent the sperm donor has been, I would completely write my daughter off. Because that means that even though i raised her, I failed to help her develop any sense of logic. So her wanting a loser to validate her ceremony of love means something has gone terribly wrong and she's beyond saving. At this point I write her off and wait for her to come back apologizing for being dumb. I won't rub it in, because if she's truly my daughter, she will know she was dumb.
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I disagree with this. Strongly. Like do you even care WHY she wants her father there? It's just fuck her cuz she didn't choose you? Fuck her day, and fuck her happiness bcuz you didn't get chosen on her day.

I mean, I guess y'all get the life y'all deserve. You write her off cuz she's dumb.
She writes you off because you're emotionally immature.

Yeah can go y'all separate ways. She was never really your daughter to begin with right? One day certainly proves that right?

Foh
 
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