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Am I the a$$hole: Refusing to buy my finance an engagement ring

CeLLar-DooR said:
Why/how?
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To make my point clear, I would have to touch on societal mores, genealogy and etymology all from an historical standpoint, that's easier said than written. So I'll say this...

If she has the last name of her father/grand-father and so on then she should be eager or receptive to take mine.

Liberal media inundates women with the message that they should be in competition with men, rather than being complementary to men. The nuclear family led by a patriarch with endearing qualities is the last image that the industry wants to project.

New-age liberal philosophy tells women the method of taking a man's last name is oppressive, well she should already i'm not an oppressive person, so that should remove that reasoning from the equation. Otherwise I'll presume it means she doesn't believe in me, being the man should be the primary decision-maker and head of the household.
 
Meeks said:
He was being petty.
He wanted to do the whole engagement ring thing, he even seemed excited about it UNTIL she told him that she didn’t want to change her last name.

For all I know, she may have told him that she wanted to hyphenate her last name (not take his last name at all) and he got upset.

Had he not mentioned how much he wanted to do the engagement ring before their conversation, I would’ve been able to believe he wasn’t being petty. Also, this is a conversation you have before the question...right? ?
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Ehh

His story was mad detailed. I don't think he would've left that part out if it happened
 
RetroLDN said:
To make my point clear, I would have to touch on societal mores, genealogy and etymology all from an historical standpoint, that's easier said than written. So I'll say this...

If she has the last name of her father/grand-father and so on then she should be eager or receptive to take mine.

Liberal media inundates women with the message that they should be in competition with men, rather than being complementary to men. The nuclear family led by a patriarch with endearing qualities is the last image that the industry wants to project.

New-age liberal philosophy tells women the method of taking a man's last name is oppressive, well she should already i'm not an oppressive person, so that should remove that reasoning from the equation. Otherwise I'll presume it means she doesn't believe in me, being the man should be the primary decision-maker and head of the household.
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Oh. So bullshit is the reason it's a red flag. There are plenty of cultures around the world which don't favour the males name over the woman's so this oppression stuff is silly. Just shows you're plugged in the matrix, tho' I kno' you think you're a free thinker or sutten.

What if she just respects whichever parent her name came from? Or doesn't wanna be your subordinate. Or wants her family legacy continued thru her children.
 
CeLLar-DooR said:
Oh. So bullshit is the reason it's a red flag. There are plenty of cultures around the world which don't favour the males name over the woman's so this oppression stuff is silly. Just shows you're plugged in the matrix, tho' I kno' you think you're a free thinker or sutten.

What if she just respects whichever parent her name came from? Or doesn't wanna be your subordinate. Or wants her family legacy continued thru her children.
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You didn't read my comments clearly.

If she has the last name of her father/grand-father... because then clearly she doesn't come from the culture which you speak on.

If she doesn't then I'm willing to deliberate on other forms.

Leave the emotions and assumptions aside, especially when i took the liberty to respond to your comments.. 'Plugged in the matrix'. 'I kno' you think you're a free thinker', I don't even use the terms and how could you know what I think of myself.

You come across as being awfully emotional, dare i say feminine.
 
RetroLDN said:
You didn't read my comments clearly.

If she has the last name of her father/grand-father... because then clearly she doesn't come from the culture which you speak on.

If she doesn't then I'm willing to deliberate on other forms.

Leave the emotions and assumptions aside, especially when i took the liberty to respond to your comments.. 'Plugged in the matrix'. 'I kno' you think you're a free thinker', I don't even use the terms and how could you know what I think of myself.

You come across as being awfully emotional, dare i say feminine.
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The point in makin' about these cultures which don't favour the male is that names only mean what you want them to and that you think a woman not wantin' to take your name is a red flag is some bullshit, imo of course.

I said you're plugged in cah you're placin' mad importance on western norms tho. A red flag coz this woman you're about to marry wants her name on her children?

Bro tellin' me that I'm emotional twice in the same post, them ting there don't phase me at all. Neither does bein' called feminine over this crap.
 
5th Letter said:
Men of this board. If your girl doesn’t want to take your last name what is your next move?
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I don't think I would get married. But we also would have the convo after she got her ring.

We are moving forward together. If she wants to keep her name. Hyphen it with your middle. Last name is not a loss of identity.
I can my wife and I had long covvos about this.
Her ideas was based on other shit that at the end of the day is not important
 
First off, a woman doesn't have a last name, she has her fathers last name. So when you get married, and he walks her down the aisle he is passing ownership. So if a woman isn't taking your last name forget it. Second? The ring tradition is ehh. I aint for it.
 
Taking my last name is non-negotiable in my book.

You want the ring but not my last name...
oprah.gif

We don't need to get married then.

Is he petty...yes. But he has a point. B/c if you think carrying a man's last name is sexist (assuming if she feels that way), then the whole idea of marriage itself is sexist too. B/c they all symbolize that you belong to each other.

But you can't have your cake and eat it too. Not in my book. If other guys don't care...cool. Me...thats a big deal to me.
 
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