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she sleeps with married men because their wives don't

DOS_patos

DOS_patos

Unverified Legion of Trill member
A woman is facing backlash after saying that she sleeps with married men because their wives don't — here's what a relationship expert thinks

Cheating is more complicated than many people realize. Showtime

  • Last week, the New York Times published a controversial installment in its Modern Love column entitled "What Sleeping With Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity."
  • In it, the writer described how she only wanted casual sex after her divorce — and found that meeting with married men was the best way to get it.
  • A relationship expert says that, although cheating can cause irreparable damage to relationships, affairs can represent a larger issue with the way society thinks about monogamy.

Last week, the New York Times published an installment in its Modern Love column entitled "What Sleeping With Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity."

In it, writer Karin Jones described how, when her marriage of 23 years ended, she wanted "sexbut not a relationship." To do this, she said that she wanted no-strings-attached encounters in her online dating profile. When she did this, Jones found that single men did approach her, but she preferred to meet up with the married men who messaged her.

She wrote, "With the married men I guessed that the fact that they had wives, children and mortgages would keep them from going overboard with their affections. And I was right. They didn't get overly attached, and neither did I. We were safe bets for each other."

Through her dalliances with married men, Jones says that the truth she learned about infidelity is that the person seeking out the affair was almost always doing so because their partner had stopped sleeping with them, and that getting on a dating app was easier than simply asking why.

Infidelity is an inflammatory enough topic on its own, so Jones' approach to the subject — which does not technically condone cheating, but does not exactly condemn it either — provoked a swift and incendiary response from the internet.




Brandy Jensen@BrandyLJensen
https://twitter.com/BrandyLJensen/status/982648749917900800

this entire thing is premised on the belief that these men were lying to their wives but being honest with her https://twitter.com/nytimes/status/982604432713158656 …

11:58 AM - Apr 7, 2018
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Eva Woods@edotwoods
https://twitter.com/edotwoods/status/982650793022054400

The stupid Modern Love column is mostly just stupid but this part is gross and dangerous. Nobody ever died from having no sex.

12:06 PM - Apr 7, 2018
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Emily Gould@EmilyGould
https://twitter.com/EmilyGould/status/983073651951128577

lol that Modern Love literally contains the phrase “I had to wonder”

4:06 PM - Apr 8, 2018
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Brandy Jensen@BrandyLJensen
7 Apr
this entire thing is premised on the belief that these men were lying to their wives but being honest with her https://twitter.com/nytimes/status/982604432713158656 …


Name can't be blank@brunchpoems
https://twitter.com/brunchpoems/status/982652630311866372

this reads like a robot wrote it, as if these things can be discussed with zero emotion. wtf?

12:13 PM - Apr 7, 2018
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nan katai@nansequiturs
https://twitter.com/nansequiturs/status/983065294603280386

beyond the obvious problem with the Modern Love piece on how married men cheat because their wives dont "give" them enough sex -- who actually talks like this?
1f644.png


3:33 PM - Apr 8, 2018
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Jones, who is the relationships editor at the Erotic Review, said that, although she didn't start off seeking out married men on dating apps, she wasn't exactly surprised when they contacted her. She also wasn't surprised that some people took issue with the piece — but she did think it was something that was important to write.

Jones said that she wanted to write the piece because "I was really interested by what [the married men] were telling me," she told INSIDER. "The conversations with them started, 'Why are you doing this? What are you not getting at home? Can you not talk to your wife?' There were a whole lot of other things that went on in those conversations that weren't just, 'Wanna have sex?'"

A lot of this nuance was eliminated, Jones said, because the piece was originally much longer — as part of a chapter in a larger book — and had to be cut down from 10,o00 words to 1,500. "There were some things that had to be taken out of the [New York Times] piece, which I feel bad about," Jones told INSIDER. " A lot of people thought I was blaming the wives, but I wasn't."

Leaving an unhappy relationship can be more complicated than many people realize — but it doesn't mean that cheating is the best way to deal with it.
It is easy to tell someone that, if they are unhappy in their relationship, they should just end it. But ending a relationship isn't always easy — and, according to relationship expert Dr. Wendy Walsh, there can be valid reasons to stay together even if both people in it are unhappy or even cheating.

"I do see why people cheat, rather than leave, especially if they have kids. Divorce is expensive, and it's been shown that kids of divorce bear the brunt of the negative impact," Walsh told INSIDER. But a ramification-free affair is unlikely — no matter how discreet you think you are being.

 
"We like to think that there can be a sexual experience that exists that has absolutely no consequences," Walsh said. " And that's just not true. The unconscious knows all, so if there's a spouse that is having an extramarital affair, it still affects the marriage. Whether you're the cheater of you're the person cheating with the married person, you've got to know that there are other people affected by this."

cheating-myths-to-stop-believing.jpg
Affairs can affect a lot of people — not just the ones in the relationship. ABC

Lifelong monogamy is more unrealistic than it has been made out to be, but it isn't impossible.
But, according to Walsh, extramarital affairs may be less a symptom of a society that contains a few people who don't know how to control themselves, and more a symptom of a society that holds its members to unrealistic standards of lifelong monogamy.

"We need to kill this myth that you are going to find one person who is going to be the one, and you are going to live happily ever after until death do you part," Walsh told INSIDER. "Because of our long lifespan, more people are living a very healthy last third of their life. Even the most monogamous people will have two or three long stints of monogamy with some inselection in between."

This is not to say that lifelong monogamy is impossible, or that cheating is inevitable. Walsh told INSIDER that there are many things a couple can do before a divorce (or an affair), such as therapy, communication, and finding new ways to work things out together. Jones also said that, although she does think that it can be kinder to shield the truth of an affair from a spouse, skipping straight to cheating might be taking an easy way out.

"I think when people continue to have affairs, without telling their partners, they're just not getting to the root of the problem. It's going to bite them in the ass at some point," Jones told INSIDER.

Affairs are sometimes just a way to put off an inevitable breakup.
Indeed, it is hard to make the case that affairs can ever truly be ethical or, as one of the men in Jones' piece put it, "kind." Being married to someone is not the same as being their guardian, so you can't decide what is best for them to know or not know without their consent. And cheating can often be like putting a band-aid on a problem that may be unsolvable.

"People often want to avoid the pain of a breakup. So I think when we're talking about infidelity, we're talking about a lot of people who aren't realistically looking at the fact that their primary relationships may not be their lifelong relationship," Walsh told INSIDER. "And maybe what they should be doing is shopping for a new mate. It's more honest."

Honest or not, this is not a sentiment that is likely to sit well with a lot of people — on the surface, at least.

Jones, for her part, conceded that much of the public feedback she received from her piece was negative. "But I got about 150 emails from the Modern Love inbox," she told INSIDER. "And that's where I got all of the confessions of men and women [sharing similar stories]."

Does this mean that cheating on a partner, without their knowledge, can ever truly be considered the best thing for both people in a relationship? This depends on who you ask, but probably not.

But cheating is also not the simple right-and-wrong binary that many of us would like it to be. People are complicated, relationships are complicated, and cheating is — and will continue to be — complicated.
 
I will always believe that marriage can not be built on sex but it can definitely be toppled by it. Sexually I have done damn near everything. So that is why if I cheat. It will be for some out of this world sexual experience. None of that foo foo shit. I am going all out. So when I tell my wife. She will know and understand why I didnt even think about coming to her with that shit.

I want her to have that "I dont even know you anymore!" :oword: Look on her face!
 
What was the old adage... "What you won't do another woman/man will"

I hate how they frame this as if men are the only ones out there cheating on their wives. Plenty of wives out there gettin around town. Shit, there's a whole lot of kids that many a husband is raising that ain't theirs and don't look like anyone else in the family. Sittin off talmbout "well... he probably get's his red hair from my great-great-great-grandfather that came here from Ireland".
 
So many words to say new pussy >>>>> old pussy regardless of the chick said pussy is attached too.
 
man fuck alla dis

2 questions

1) is she black or cac?

2) if its the former...where she at?
 
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