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PISTANTHROPHOBIA...

IP360

IP360

Doctorate & Ph.D in Bootyology
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I can honestly say a few years ago, this would apply to me.

Let's face it, bad relationships do effect us in some form or fashion. It could either make us either cold hearted, cautious, or more aware of the people we come across.

At what point tho do we stop allowing bad relationships keep us from trusting again? Is there a time limit? If so, how long is too long?

If this is something that seems to an ongoing thing, would you be open to seeing a therapist to get to the root?

If this doesn't apply to you, what about family & friends?
 
I don't know about a time limit but it's never too late to overcome that fear of getting hurt or of starting over by giving people the benefit of the doubt and not expecting failure from the start.

The sooner I acknowledge that I played a part in allowing myself to trust someone unworthy of my trust the sooner I'll be able to grow from the experience. There are usually several red flags that we willfully ignore and then want to play the victim when we get burned.

If I'm continually putting trust in people who are untrustworthy, then it's my own decision making skills or lack thereof that I need to address.

If the end result isn't death I feel like I'm stronger than the worst case scenario or the "what if's" when I approach a situation whether it's a relationship, a friendship, a business partner or any other type of bond. I'm also not afraid of getting hurt or of starting over. I've done it several times. Pain sucks but fuck it. I'll be aiight.

I try to give everyone I interact with the benefit of the doubt. I'm not suspicious of people but I don't put anything past anyone either. We're all human, we're all flawed and we all made bad decisions sometimes. But I won't let a "what if" or fear hinder a potentially great or meaningful connection with someone. I will be discerning of your character with myself or others as to how we interact or how close I allow myself to get to you.

I find that doubt is more of a distraction or a hindrance to progress or of getting anything accomplished in life. Intuition on the other hand is different. Sometimes doubt disguises itself as intuition but it's really just anxiety or fear.

Intuition is that inner voice of wisdom that usually comes though seeing that persons actions or character. Doubt is just emotional or irrational fear. "What if?"
 
@NeighborhoodNomad pretty much said what I was going to say. I'm married, but if i were single I'd approach relationships with the philosophy of self accountability. I know what I would expect out of a relationship. And is only het serious with a woman that has the traits in looking for in a potential wife. Of course you have to be prepared for the worst, but it's an unfortunate part of human nature. But im not going to allow that to prevent me from giving my all to a woman I believe to be worth the effort.

If it ends up not working, take it on the chin and learn from the experience. But from what I've seen play out in my own realtionship and others, as people are many of them have less time for games and are looking for something solid. I think people allow the past to haunt them without taking age and inexperience into consideration sometimes.
 
Yea I thought this was going to be a whole different thread lol

Nomad dropped some very real talk and he is right-it wasn't until I acknowledged to myself my role in past relationships that I could finally close and heal. It is not an easy thing to do.
 
this is common after shit goes left or dissolves. worse still if its repeated. introspection, time on your own, positive endeavors and therapy can help.
 
Good Thread

I usually accept/own up to 50% of that past bad relationship, that gives me some self-assurance that I wasn't perfect and my shit also stank'd in that bad situation. Keeps me from putting all the blame on that individual.

I try not to let one bad relationship affect a new relationship but I do take what happened in a bad relationship that I didn't like and carry it with me in my back pocket so that if it may come up again, whatever it is, I know how to better address that problem, or move around from it to avoid the headache.
 
Aren't we supposed to learn from past experiences? With that said every person is different but if you see signs of things that you saw in the past that bothered you it is still going to bother you in the new relationship. I think people should definitely take a break in between relationships. I also think people should spend time alone to find themselves. I don't believe anyone else can make you happy. I do believe that people can try to take away your happiness tho.
 
Lurker10 said:
Aren't we supposed to learn from past experiences? With that said every person is different but if you see signs of things that you saw in the past that bothered you it is still going to bother you in the new relationship. I think people should definitely take a break in between relationships. I also think people should spend time alone to find themselves. I don't believe anyone else can make you happy. I do believe that people can try to take away your happiness tho.
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Everything you said, 100%. Especially the bolded.
 
i think i'm a glutton for punishment...

i trust people hard because that's ow i feel you're supposed to trust people.....


as a result i've gotten burned alot....and while it hurt.... it never changed me........and i will say this, trusting my wife hasn't burned me yet...
 
Ducan Sam said:
i think i'm a glutton for punishment...

i trust people hard because that's ow i feel you're supposed to trust people.....


as a result i've gotten burned alot....and while it hurt.... it never changed me........and i will say this, trusting my wife hasn't burned me yet...
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you chose well.
 
I've been burnt, not by cheating but in other ways, I just brush it off and keep it moving.


For the past year or so I've been thinking relationships aren't for me and not because I don't trust women or because of my bad past experiences, it's mainly because I wasn't sure if relationships were for me period, felt better just having fwb's with no strings attached and no drama.
 
Ducan Sam said:
naw i got lucky.....

i've trusted a lotta assholes too bruh
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gauging who is worthy of trust is a skill n easier said than done, cuz ppl r not always what they seem. marriages wldn't dissolve after 20 years if so.

u did get a good one tho. its impressive that getting burned many times didn't change ur capacity to trust. for most, that takes a lot of conscious undoing.
TheMasterKey said:
I've been burnt, not by cheating but in other ways, I just brush it off and keep it moving.


For the past year or so I've been thinking relationships aren't for me and not because I don't trust women or because of my bad past experiences, it's mainly because I wasn't sure if relationships were for me period, felt better just having fwb and no strings attached and no drama.
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do u plan on maintaining that POV?
 
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