SuperiorPosterior
Alma Extrema y Bruja Suprema سيدة الأثير
Okay. I've been putting off writing this for over a year now. I guess it's time to get it off my chest.
There's always that one event in a lifetime… the one that changes the course of EVERYTHING. I had lost only two people I felt close to my entire life… my grandfather and my uncle John. Father and son, and they were by far the best men and most influential men in my life. Life happens. I get that.
The life changing event was a couple years ago when I lost 4 at once. My twin, my mom, my dad, and my husband. I had never in my life felt so lost. I could have gotten over all of them but my twin. See, she and I made it outta the womb, even though she didn't. Which means out of the 4 people I lost, one was already dead. But a twins bond is unbreakable. And death never stopped us from being sisters.
I spent so much time alone when I was a kid. No babysitter. No nannie. And the 'rents didn't like me or want me around. So I was ‘alone’ in my bedroom almost always.
But like Harley my twin was my Joker
Lisa to my Bart
Jerry to my Tom
Loki to my Thor…
Better than any imaginary friend my dead twin was always there with the right feelings and pushes. People want someone to be willing to die for them to prove their loyalty… Joker knew what's up… living is harder to do. And that's what my twin expected from me. She was always someone to talk to even if she never talked back. Just like any other set of twins we even occasionally worked together to freak the fuck outta people. Lol kicking up the volume of the radio was always the best one.
Anyway.
A few years ago… through a cruel twist of fate… I lost my husband, my mom and dad, and my already dead twin. As it turns out, my mom really was nothing much more than a lying thieving whore and my “twin sister” was just an imaginary friend…!?!?
Wait… so then how… who… am i telekinetic???!! No. Couldn't be. Zero control and the more I try it now that I know she was a fabrication… well it just doesn't work anymore… it works different an new and weird now. My Twin is still around. More apparent now than ever before. Seems the more I learned of the lie the more obvious “my twin” was becoming, even to the point of being able to keep up a very short verbal communication.
So I guess now it's time to face the facts… I'm a big kid with skitzophrenia? Nope. I don't think so… maybe if verbal communication were the only communication used. But “My Twin” never leaves me now. Hasn't for three solid years. Probably didn't when I was young either I just wasn't as good at reading the relationship until 3 years ago.
When what comes around goes around it was their lies feeding energy to my living lie that cost me all of them.
My mom and dad and husband. They fueled the energy for the spirit of my sister who never existed…. My mother lied. According to her “facts” which should be documented in her medical history there should be evidence of a stillbirth. There is no memorial, no grave, no urn, no memory of anything but what she told me. I was never a twin.
Sooooooo… what is this being that's been with me my whole life… and has become much more obvious and apparent in my daily life…. Who is this voice who sounds NUTHIN LIKE A SISTAH! Who still, like always, knows all the right pushes and feelings and now all the right stupid words….???
And why did the signs ever show up… was that the influence of this being… after all they all backed up and supported the owner of the voice…
Regardless! If that's FATE. Pfft. I'll believe it when I see it.
*Progress Notes…. I'm getting better though, the “signs” are starting to let me see signs of myself. (Acceptance is the key to everything)
But he's still fighting.. that fucker likes my games. Lol what a dummy. He thinks he's funny and he might be right… but why I gotta put up with that?
Well I know one thing for sure…. The longer I deal with it, the stronger it gets. The stronger it gets, the more perfect it seems. The more perfect it seems, the more I resent it for being perfect, always there, but NEVER THERE!
Anyone have any ideas? Because my Outlook on life just keeps getting more and more bitter, and I feel like I'm wasting away.
There's always that one event in a lifetime… the one that changes the course of EVERYTHING. I had lost only two people I felt close to my entire life… my grandfather and my uncle John. Father and son, and they were by far the best men and most influential men in my life. Life happens. I get that.
The life changing event was a couple years ago when I lost 4 at once. My twin, my mom, my dad, and my husband. I had never in my life felt so lost. I could have gotten over all of them but my twin. See, she and I made it outta the womb, even though she didn't. Which means out of the 4 people I lost, one was already dead. But a twins bond is unbreakable. And death never stopped us from being sisters.
I spent so much time alone when I was a kid. No babysitter. No nannie. And the 'rents didn't like me or want me around. So I was ‘alone’ in my bedroom almost always.
But like Harley my twin was my Joker
Lisa to my Bart
Jerry to my Tom
Loki to my Thor…
Better than any imaginary friend my dead twin was always there with the right feelings and pushes. People want someone to be willing to die for them to prove their loyalty… Joker knew what's up… living is harder to do. And that's what my twin expected from me. She was always someone to talk to even if she never talked back. Just like any other set of twins we even occasionally worked together to freak the fuck outta people. Lol kicking up the volume of the radio was always the best one.
Anyway.
A few years ago… through a cruel twist of fate… I lost my husband, my mom and dad, and my already dead twin. As it turns out, my mom really was nothing much more than a lying thieving whore and my “twin sister” was just an imaginary friend…!?!?
Wait… so then how… who… am i telekinetic???!! No. Couldn't be. Zero control and the more I try it now that I know she was a fabrication… well it just doesn't work anymore… it works different an new and weird now. My Twin is still around. More apparent now than ever before. Seems the more I learned of the lie the more obvious “my twin” was becoming, even to the point of being able to keep up a very short verbal communication.
So I guess now it's time to face the facts… I'm a big kid with skitzophrenia? Nope. I don't think so… maybe if verbal communication were the only communication used. But “My Twin” never leaves me now. Hasn't for three solid years. Probably didn't when I was young either I just wasn't as good at reading the relationship until 3 years ago.
When what comes around goes around it was their lies feeding energy to my living lie that cost me all of them.
My mom and dad and husband. They fueled the energy for the spirit of my sister who never existed…. My mother lied. According to her “facts” which should be documented in her medical history there should be evidence of a stillbirth. There is no memorial, no grave, no urn, no memory of anything but what she told me. I was never a twin.
Sooooooo… what is this being that's been with me my whole life… and has become much more obvious and apparent in my daily life…. Who is this voice who sounds NUTHIN LIKE A SISTAH! Who still, like always, knows all the right pushes and feelings and now all the right stupid words….???
And why did the signs ever show up… was that the influence of this being… after all they all backed up and supported the owner of the voice…
Regardless! If that's FATE. Pfft. I'll believe it when I see it.
*Progress Notes…. I'm getting better though, the “signs” are starting to let me see signs of myself. (Acceptance is the key to everything)
But he's still fighting.. that fucker likes my games. Lol what a dummy. He thinks he's funny and he might be right… but why I gotta put up with that?
Well I know one thing for sure…. The longer I deal with it, the stronger it gets. The stronger it gets, the more perfect it seems. The more perfect it seems, the more I resent it for being perfect, always there, but NEVER THERE!
Anyone have any ideas? Because my Outlook on life just keeps getting more and more bitter, and I feel like I'm wasting away.
