How much you investing into a bad ass kid??

Duwop

Duwop

Sometimes being the hero means saving the villain.
Say you got a knuckle head ass 16/17 year-old kid.

Barely passing 11th grade. Got caught smoking weed, drinking, fucking in the house on multiple occasions.

Hooks school. Been arrested. Crashed up their car. I mean at the heart their a good kid....But they fuck up.....a lot..

You're talking about college with the other parent (y'all can be married, divorced, whatever it don't matter)' and while have money saved up for college, the other parent says

"It's not a smart investment. We both went to and graduated from college. And we're both still paying back loans. We both also knew kids in school like our kid who flunked out and wasted all their parents money. We send that kid to school, we're wasting our money. I suggest military, or make them her a job and possibly a trade school. But I can't see investing 100's of thousands on a kid who is very likely going to waste every penny of it"


How do you respond?

Do you agree?

Or would you immediately go on the attack saying the parent is giving up on the kid?

Are you willing to invest 100 thousand + On a kid who barely made it to their senior year??
 
Parents pay for kids to go to college....?
Shit I couldn't get my mom to LOAN me entrance fees for a free ride. All based on my entrence exams....
A $50 dollar loan and my mom could have put me through college.... At least to an associates degree.
 
that's responsible as well, but i mean the reality is, some kids are going to fuck up...it just happens....

there are tons of factors that can contribute, and while those absolutely have to be discussed or taken seriously at some time....the discussion at hand is college. Should we as parents be focusing on getting this kid in college?...or should we be focusing on other things..

cuz a lotta kids who fuck up like that get sent to college and fuck up money...

i mean i wasn't a bad kid at all, but i was not a good student by any stretch of the imagination..... my grades were always just satisfactory..i'm a smart kid....just not a good classroom student....i flunked outta college in like 18months...that put my mom i a shit load of debt, and i'm still paying off loans my damn self....like i think december will be my last bill to them fuckers.....

if i had a do-over..i might go back in time and tell my moms to save her money....i ain't gonna graduate anyway......just send me tot he military, or tell me to get a job....college ain't for me......i really do think financially that was a waste for our family, and i went into a nice mini depression about that shit through most of my early 20's....that shit stil resonates to this day......

i used the extreme, becuz i feel like this would be n easy hell naw......

in real life it's much more difficult to tell....my mom was convinced i would do well in college...i just had to take it seriously...and i prolly did have it in me.. but i fucked up... i did not take it serious....

and i wonder when the time comes....will i be perceptive enough to know what decision to make for my kid...or will i be blinded by ambition and send him to college by default......
 
AP21 said:
let me ponder on this for a moment
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Who cares

16/17? You a year or two away from making ya own choices. I wouldn’t care what they did, cause they damn sure ain’t doing it from my home

FYI, I only read the first couple sentences
 
BNE said:
touche.

saying you dgaf about your kid at that age because they're a year or 2 from being legal adults absolves yourself of responsibility.
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Hmmm, now we getting some Dr. E

The question ask, how much you investing in a bad ass kid. At first sentence it states the child is 16/17. Then it goes on to state that the kids is drinking, smoking, doing bad in school, missing school, been arrested.....

So maybe I shouldn't have said who cares (it demeans Du question). I should have said minimal, I would give minimal investment in this child, because they are close to being legal adults and I am not longer legally responsible for their well being. They are responsible for their own well being. How can you invest in someone who won’t invest in themselves?

Now you spoke on me owing them, and I’m curious as to what you think a parent owes a child. Based on that answer I’ll continue down my line of thinking.
 
I’m not going to invest that much into the kid but more so invest in something that I think is more suitable for them.

So we may not invest in a university but maybe a junior college or even trade school. Just a couple of courses. Just to see if anything changes. I’ve watched my brother go from the perfect kid to a bad ass kid back to a decent kid. He is now in college on his third year. Did we think he would be in college while he was acting a pure ass, hell naw. Now my other brother, hahahaaa. I love that negro but he just bad as hell. My mom still invested in him. When he gets his act together he got a whole barbershop that will one day be his.
 
i just started realizing this parenting shit is much more difficult than i thought it was..

i can't blame my mom for sending me to college, she believed in me

i blame myself for fuckingnthat money up.....

but i wonder would i make that same mistake, or is it even considered a mistake...
 
BNE said:
My personal belief? Not all parents choose to have kids but NO kid chooses to be born. Parents owe kids their concentrated and prioritized effort in setting them up for life. If they can't do it monetarily by giving them fish, they can still do it in other ways like teaching them how to fish. Or giving them an open door if they run out of fish where they at.

I think a parent, particularly a parent of a child who fucks up, owes said child a hand in getting back up. Pls note that a hand doesn't mean bailing them out. You can teach them a lesson but you do owe it to them to help. That should be unconditional unless they've done something sociopathic like kill or molest.

Society doesn't give a fuck about you, especially if you're black or otherwise disenfranchized. family ties are important and many cultures thrive because they understand this. many fuckups can grow up to be productive. using the legal, arbitrary distinction of adulthood at 18 to put a finish line on parenting or being a family is the wrong way to look at it imo.
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Ahhhh....ok. Cool outlook.

Let me tell what I think. I think if a parent truly tried to instill ya first paragraph then they wouldn’t be the child Du described at 16/17.

I think that a truly appreciative parent would have done ya second paragraph long before 16/17.

As to the last paragraph.....18 is a finish line but a launching point. Not the first mind you, but a launching point none the less.

So knowing what we know about each there, I stand by my original corrected statement. I hadn’t invested in that child up into then, I don’t see myself investing suddenly at 16/17
 
And as I read thru Du more recent points *and I still have read the OP I’m its entirety* I’m not trying to shit on anyone personal experiences. I considered the OP pretty generic. And answered to that only
 
BNE said:
logically good.

but, devil's advocate:

what if a traumatic incident or series of traumaticidents led to that child messing up a lot at 16/17? like not getting support for dyslexia in school and falling behind/failing classes. or being roughened up by police one too many times and no longer giving a fuck. or living in a high gang activity area and having few options but to fall into that life, when their parents are either absent or working to stay above the poverty line and not able to be as hands on because they're tryna feed them? it sounds like I'm reaching but it happens.
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then should that really take the loans out for college for that kid?

or should they accept the mistakes they made in not providing opportunities, in the past and try their best to stir them in the correct direction as an adult.... just not college
 
BNE said:
why does that kid have to go to college straight away?

that kid can take a couple years to get their life together and become more self-disciplined and value their future, .
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sounds like the logical answer i was tryna get from the jump...

i was just practicing.. i'm sure i won't be having this conversation in 10/11 years... but if i do....atleast know it makes sense
 
BNE said:
logically good.

but, devil's advocate:

what if a traumatic incident or series of traumaticidents led to that child messing up a lot at 16/17? like not getting support for dyslexia in school and falling behind/failing classes. or being roughened up by police one too many times and no longer giving a fuck. or living in a high gang activity area and having few options but to fall into that life, when their parents are either absent or working to stay above the poverty line and not able to be as hands on because they're tryna feed them? it sounds like I'm reaching but it happens.
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It absolutely happens and im sure my reasoning isn’t the catch all for every bad kid in America. I read the OP as a kid that could do better, knows they could do better, didn’t wanna do better and Du asking what our stance is on knowing this as a parent. How far are we gonna help this bad child.

I’d hope as a parent I’d recognize these incidents and being there for my child would take precedence. Educational set backs can be worked around. I’m not so concerned with America’s level of competency as far as education goes. One bad police encounter is enough for me to more involved in they coming and going. Same with gang activity. I’m tryign to stop them from getting to the OP point tho. Even if that means moving. I can barely not stay above the poverty line anywhere in the US

Either way, we no longer dealing with a child that’s bad for the sake of being bad
 
BNE said:
you are a deep thinker. I'm not worried about your kids. its the ppl who wing it and dont think bout that kids interests when they're at odds with their own, they're the ones whose kids well being n futures I worry bout
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yea, and i'm sure my moms ain't worry about me....

you gotta know ur kids.....

college isn't for everybody, and that's a 100k investment.....

i feel like everybody should know their kid well enough to know if college isn't' the best option for their future and provide better options for them...

it doesn't always have to be as extreme as in the original post.. it can ...as it often is in life... much more subtle....which comes back to knowing your kids, and trying to know what's best for their future..or atleast arm them the best you can for it
 
So the question is should every child go to college?

Lol man just ask that shit, why the whole narrative of a bad child and investing lol

The answer is no. Like B said, I agree that children need. A few years to find their way. I don’t push college on my kids even tho they talk about going already. I have a ten yr engineer even tho she not sure what engineering all entails. Still she got a few options to get to her goal and I wouldn’t mad in the least if she tried them all, or even if she switched it up.

This country would have you believe that College is the only route to success but we all know that’s a lie. A classroom ain’t the only way to become educated and a degree isn’t the only means of proving you knowing what you know. Just another form of systemic oppression imo
 
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