Lou Cypher
The Tokin' White Guy
So i had Opiate Withdrawals. There was some slight physical pain, but it was mostly irritating things like a Runny nose/sneezing, constant sweating, and leg cramps. The worst part about withdrawal is Anxiety. Its insane how bad it is. Heart is pounding and all you can think about is using just to make the feeling stop. And its not something that lasts for a couple hours. Its 24/7. Its literally like being in prison inside of your own head. You know there is something that will make it stop immediately, but using will only make it worse after its effects wear off.
For me, I had gotten really bad in 2015. Was pretty much my rock bottom. I was an extremely functional addict though because i had never injected I only smoked. But I was constantly spending all of my money the day i got paid and having to figure out ways to "get well" all while keeping my job and paying my bills. I was spending as little as 40 dollars a day up to 100 dollars a day. When I admitted to myself that i had a problem I caved in and started to seek help. I went and got insurance through my job, saw my doc, got my deductible met on my insurance, then started going to an outpatient treatment facility 3 times a week w/ Counseling and shit. While i was doing the program i was prescribed Suboxone, which is a drug that hits the opiate receptors so you dont get withdrawal symptoms. It doesnt get you high, but there is a slight change in mood. Also, if you use while on Suboxone, you don't get the dopamine rush from using drugs so there is no "reward" for using drugs. If i tried to use, I wouldnt feel anything. I did suboxone for about a year and a half, pretty much stopped talking to everyone I knew because they were either junkies or their idea of fun was to go get drunk somewhere. After some time I tried to get off of the suboxone. I had taken like 3 weeks off of work and went to my moms house so she could sort of watch over me while i detoxed.
I was given some meds to help with leg cramps, anxiety, constipation, and all of that extra shit that comes along with withdrawals. I was clean about a week, sweating my ass off, pacing around for hours, watching movies and sleeping. My mom made sure i ate 3 times a day and stayed hydrated, but i still lost 20 pounds in a week. After almost 2 weeks i finally started becoming a little more clear headed, but the second i was alone, i relapsed. After i relapsed I was immediately back in the same routine i was in before i had gotten into treatment. Stealing shit to sell, bumming money, getting fronts, all that just to stay well. I had to go back to work and was struggling for that week but spoke with my doc and got back on suboxone.
Today, i am still on the med, but im on a really small dose. I want to be off of it, but I am also scared to get off of it because i can't trust myself which is a pretty helpless feeling. I go to NA/AA meetings sometimes too. They sound stupid af, but honestly they are helpful. You dont have to talk if you dont want to, but hearing people's stories or talking and getting stuff off of your chest/out of your mind is a freeing feeling.
A lot of addicts keep shit buried because they think a lot of people if they spoke about the problem wouldnt understand them because whomever they are speaking to doesnt understand addiction, but at an AA/NA meeting, all of them understand what you're going through. Chances are they have done things that are 100 times worse than what you've done as well so there is no shame at all sharing what you're thinking or what you're going through. It relieves a ton of stress just saying whats been bothering you.
Even with the med im taking, i still get some minor withdrawal symptoms due to my dose being so low. Those symptoms are usually Hot/Sweat flashes, Nose Drip (especially in the morning) and Anxiety. The Anxiety is HORRIBLE in the morning. The second i wake up my heart is pounding. Ive found that going to the gym early in the morning before work helps a ton with the anxiety. Through the day it doesnt bug me as much either.
I think Anxiety is probably the biggest factor in everyone's withdrawal. The best way to handle it is get a hobby. Something new that interests you, especially if you have a lot of time alone. Its also something i need to work on as well though.
I dunno if you had any other questions i could try helping. There is a few folks on the IC i've talked to pretty extensively about this stuff, but for privacy reasons i wont name them.