OPINION ABW Double Standard Series: Men/Women with x number of kids

[AP2.5]

What is it that when a chick is dating guys, a dude can have 10 kids by different women, and she'll allow herself to birth his 11th child

When a dude is dating females and she has multiple kids with different men, he'll still smash, but he aint having no kis with her?

Me personally, I've been living very comfortably on "100% Judgement Free Ave", but I am always intrigued by this dynamic. I have a cousin who has 5 or 6 children by 2 different women who just got married to another chick. I also know chicks that have several kids then wonder why their dating prospects are low.

Discuss

 

[Duwop]

this is a double standard i don't understand.

if a dude got more than one kid he NOT living with..

i don't see how a chick could take him seriously

 

[Duwop]

like if i was a nigga with 3 kids, and none of them live with me... i'd be operating under the understood assumption that i ain't shit, and this is strictly a fuck thing.....

there's no way i'd be looking to build something with a new chick if my seeds scattered all over the place....

 

[AP2.5]

my thing is, if a dude is gonna be 100% honest with you and tell you, "i have x amount of kids by x amount of women"...why does this not set off a flag that maybe, just maybe, he not good for you as an individual?

 

[Goldie]

If he's taking care of the seeds financially and does his part, why is he foul? Mf's break up all the time.

 

[AP2.5]

If he's taking care of the seeds financially and does his part, why is he foul? Mf's break up all the time.

if a female is trying to get with him, and lets assume he not in the 1% of people that money isnt really an issue

but that pie is already cut up...financially, what is he gonna bring to the relationship?

Also, his decision making seems questionable at best. Yea, props to taking care of your kids, but fam, you supposed to do that anyway. But if he just outchea all willy nilly with no real commitment to any of the mothers, kinda makes you question what he's gonna do with the new female in question.

 

[Goldie]

if a female is trying to get with him, and lets assume he not in the 1% of people that money isnt really an issue

but that pie is already cut up...financially, what is he gonna bring to the relationship?

Also, his decision making seems questionable at best. Yea, props to taking care of your kids, but fam, you supposed to do that anyway. But if he just outchea all willy nilly with no real commitment to any of the mothers, kinda makes you question what he's gonna do with the new female in question.

If he's broke, then that's an understandable reason, but THAT would be the reason, not cuz his past relationships didn't work.


I'm not understanding how you can put the onus on him for his prior relationship not working? Just cuz the relationship didn't work doesn't mean he wasn't trying to be committed, it just didn't work. That doesn't make him irresponsible.

 

[AP2.5]

If he's broke, then that's an understandable reason, but THAT would be the reason, not cuz his past relationships didn't work.


I'm not understanding how you can put the onus on him for his prior relationship not working? Just cuz the relationship didn't work doesn't mean he wasn't trying to be committed, it just didn't work. That doesn't make him irresponsible.

didnt say the onus was solely on him, however, im really asking as it relates to the female.

We know a dude gon smash a chick if she got a starting 5 with the 6th man with no fucks given. Again, he not gon probably seed her up or marry her, but he not gon let that stop him from smashing.

With a chick, you know all these dudes and STILL want to have kids with him. Raising a kid is more than just fulfilling your financial obligation. YOu have to spend significant time with them. How can you do that with multiple kids to be sure they are all getting adequate time with you.

Its different if you're married with multiple kids b/c ya'll can plan accordingly, but trying to plan out time across several baby mothers?? I dont see how

 

[Goldie]

didnt say the onus was solely on him, however, im really asking as it relates to the female.

We know a dude gon smash a chick if she got a starting 5 with the 6th man with no fucks given. Again, he not gon probably seed her up or marry her, but he not gon let that stop him from smashing.

With a chick, you know all these dudes and STILL want to have kids with him. Raising a kid is more than just fulfilling your financial obligation. YOu have to spend significant time with them. How can you do that with multiple kids to be sure they are all getting adequate time with you.

Its different if you're married with multiple kids b/c ya'll can plan accordingly, but trying to plan out time across several baby mothers?? I dont see how

In the words of AP , it's not that black and white


There's chicks that go out of their way to keep the kid from the dad. So lets say one of the chicks does that, he spends time with the kid he has with a different woman. Is he a foul nigga?

 

[Duwop]

If he's taking care of the seeds financially and does his part, why is he foul? Mf's break up all the time.

priorities.

it takes more than financial to support kids. it takes a lotta time. my kids dominate a majority of my day and i live with them.

a person who prioritizes enough time to have a relationship when they got their kids scattered doesn't seem to me someone who is ideal relationship material.

I'm looking at it from me in that person's shoes. IF i was away from my kids, last thing i'd be looking for is a girlfriend..

fuck buddy? yea...

but we're using mad birth control, i'm making it clear i don't want more kids, and i'm not looking for emotional attachments....

i just think co-parenting is more important that personal romantic relationships...

we all have our things, this is one of mines

 

[1/2]

a lot of women dont think in the same terms as men when coming into someones life w/ kids

they dont immediately see it as their responsibility

and I hate to say, some of them prefer the man NOT to have relationships with those outside kids....just makes shit easier for them ('ve looked past this for the same reasons tho, no lie)

as for a man when he sees a woman he's feeling and then the two kids hop out behind her, we already thinking damn she bout to hit me up for school clothes, chicken nuggets, field trip fees, I know she got a stalkin ass baby daddy, etc......lemme keep lookin shiiiiii

honestly wouldnt have considered my wife if she had a kid already

 

[Goldie]

priorities.

it takes more than financial to support kids. it takes a lotta time. my kids dominate a majority of my day and i live with them.

a person who prioritizes enough time to have a relationship when they got their kids scattered doesn't seem to me someone who is ideal relationship material.

I'm looking at it from me in that person's shoes. IF i was away from my kids, last thing i'd be looking for is a girlfriend..

fuck buddy? yea...

but we're using mad birth control, i'm making it clear i don't want more kids, and i'm not looking for emotional attachments....

i just think co-parenting is more important that personal romantic relationships...

we all have our things, this is one of mines

Why does it automatically mean he spends no time with his kids cuz he gets a gf? lol Yall going to extremes and stereotypes.

 

[AP2.5]

Why does it automatically mean he spends no time with his kids cuz he gets a gf? lol Yall going to extremes and stereotypes.

because there are only 24 hours in a day

if this is the hill...just let me know

 

[Duwop]

like imo you gotta have certain things prioritized and focused in a certain level of importance.

when certain things get outta control, it just reflects badly on you.

if a dude just out here making mad kids in different homes none of which he stays at....shit ain't something i think should just be easily excused as

"oh those relationships ain't work out right, but i'm ready to give it another go"

it's one thing to break up and leave heartache and feelings.....that's normal... but to leave a kid with every breakup? to me that should be looked at and treated differently

 

[Duwop]

Why does it automatically mean he spends no time with his kids cuz he gets a gf? lol Yall going to extremes and stereotypes.

where did i say no time? where did i go to an extreme?

 

[Goldie]

because there are only 24 hours in a day

if this is the hill...just let me know

So if he only picks up his kids on the weekends he's a bad father?

 

[AP2.5]

So if he only picks up his kids on the weekends he's a bad father?

no, but if he has several kids by several different women, good luck trying to coordinate the same weekends to spend time with all of them collectively

dont deduce the discussion to a dude who's trying to spend time with his children and a mother who is vindictive

thats not what this is about

 

[Duwop]

relationships take time.

parenting take time

if you already have multiple kids and you're entering a relationship with a new person..

your existing children are a higher priority imo.

Now if you are able to finagle your schedule as to where you have enough time for a relationship...and effectively co parent multiple kids you don't live with.....i question how you are prioritizing things....and i don't think this should be an ignored area... it should stick out as a flag, and it should be paid attention to...

this is absolutely 100% o0 those things that will come back in a ugly way if not managed responsibly.....

whenever dating someone you should ALWAYS be on the alert for red flags... things that this person could possibly be irresponsible about that might come back months, years later and rear it's ugly head....

and are you willing to deal with it?


when it comes to red flags.....a dude with multiple kids with multiple women, who seems to have a whole lot of time to date to me... should be one of them.

i ain't saying it's a dead end..i'm saying is a definite red flag, and there shouldn't be a double standard about men and women and number of kids.....

 

[1/2]

can I say sumn that might fuck the thread up?

yea?cool

most of the women ya'll talking about be ratchet as fuck and have zero room to judge any man, and they kinda place themselves lower and are more accepting of shit because of that

they either dont believe they can do better, or dont feel like being who they think they need to be in order to do better

self image/awareness/love is a mf

 

[Goldie]

no, but if he has several kids by several different women, good luck trying to coordinate the same weekends to spend time with all of them collectively

dont deduce the discussion to a dude who's trying to spend time with his children and a mother who is vindictive

thats not what this is about

There's a lot of variables.

When you say several how many are we talking. 4 Bms?

If we're talkin about a dude who has a bunch of kids and puts forth no effort to spend time with em or help out financially, then yea he ain't shit.


But if he's a nigga who has 2 BMs and has it set up that he picks both kids up on the weekends and he plays his part as a father, I wouldn't consider homie foul.