Nasty? Nah it's realistic. I think way too logically to believe in sky daddy, in the face of generational systematic oppression
You know what fam, I don’t judge you because I understand you. I understand how you feel about it, because I’ve seen enough and been around enough to make me believe that there is no god and there is no purpose.
I used to believe the only purpose in life was to find out what makes you happy and go after it. I was gifted from god, a touch life, a life that made what I want be simple things. Simple things other people took for granted. Things I longEd for, for, forever or seemed like.
Things that brought tears to my eyes and cause me so much pain, how can it be so simple and easy but I can’t have it, what did I do to anyone to be curse to experience this. I said, fuck god, FUCK EM, he don’t give a shit about me if he do exist and fuck it if he don’t.
I went and did everything on my own, I suffered to gain everything I ever wanted and when I got it, nothing. I felt nothing, this can’t be, it has to be more. I accomplished more nothing, Infact the more I accomplished the less human I felt. The more disconnected I felt, nothing felt good enough. I contemplated ended it all.
That night, I finally spoke to god honestly. I cursed him, I told him fuck him, I let it all be. And right after, an hour after, I felt the most peace I ever felt in my life. Right after, everyday, he’s spoken to me through love ones and random occurrences. People come to me and seek advice on things god gave me the answer to.
Answers that seemed difficult for me to do, but I could see how it would be easy for them to do in their life. See brotha you can’t fathom the love or plan of god. No man can, and the more you try, the more you try to be god.
The more you try to create things in your image, the more your realize that you can’t do that, the more things fall apart, the more you realize that you can’t do it all, the more you give up, the more you become someone who can humble yourself to something greater than you. The more you understand that you don’t have to understand.
The more peace you feel, the more you hear god